"What really matters is the blame, somebody to blame.." ~ Stephen Sondheim

After the horrific happenings in Colorado last week, I knew this would be coming down the pike, but just because I knew it was coming doesn't make it any easier for me to stomach. A mere 5 days after 12 people were killed and 58 were injured, 7 still in critical condition, in a Colorado movie premiere of Warner Bros. latest installment of the Batman trilogy, "The Dark Knight Rises", someone has seen fit to file a lawsuit. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, some sick bastard who escaped death and injury has figured out a way to try and make money from a horrendous event, the worst mass shooting in this country's history, that tore 12 people out of the lives of their loved ones. Now, to be fair, he did lose his best friend in the shooting. I am sure the entire ordeal was traumatic, but who, after going through something like this says, "Now, how can I make a buck off of what happened to me?" The blog post just before this one talked about the fact that we have to find someone to blame when these things happen. The man's lawyers have decided to blame The Colorado Theater, James Holmes' doctors, and finally Warner Bros. for making a violent film. Really? Warner Bros. made a violent film? I am shocked!!!, she typed facetiously. Look around, all films contain some kind of violence. If this had been a screening of Disney's "Snow White" he would be suing the Apple Growers of America. Far fetched, I know, but you see my point. Violence exists everywhere on television, films, the Internet, books. For goodness sake, fairy tales are extremely violent, but just because I see violence or read about it, doesn't mean that I'm going to act it out. Why, because I'm not crazy! I'm not evil! I know right from wrong. I have compassion. Blaming Warner Bros. for the choices James Holmes made to kill innocent people is like blaming a car company because someone decided to get behind the wheel drunk and kills someone. The Colorado theater is to blame because the exit door the shooter propped open and entered through at the front of the theater was not alarmed. I have been going to the movies for more than 30 years, and I have often gone through the door at the front of the theater after the film was over. It usually leads directly to the outdoors. Of all the doors I have gone through I have never tripped an alarm, why? because they are not used solely for the purpose of emergency exits. If it had been wired with an alarm, it would be the first one I've seen in my 48 years. Finally James Holmes' doctors are named in the suit because he was on drugs. Vicodin, to be exact. the suit sites that Holmes was not being monitored properly. Vicodin, for those readers who don't know, is a pain killer. I may be going out on a limb here, but I am relatively sure that James Holmes is not the first person to take more than the prescribed dose of pain meds. When I had kidney stones, I was given a prescription once for Vicodin. I was not required to submit to daily urine screenings to obtain the prescription. The lawyer has even drawn the parallel between Heath Ledger and James Holmes and their use of Vicodin. Heath Ledger, the actor who played "The Joker" in "The Dark Knight", died of an accidental overdose of Vicodin. Somebody get me a map so I can follow this case down the rabbit hole. I know I'm being extremely sarcastic, but that's because I'm mad. When I'm mad I get really sarcastic. Attorney, Donald Karpel, was quoted as saying, "Somebody has to be responsible for the rampant violence that is shown today." Well, Mr. Karpel, someone is. It's James Holmes. He planned it, he pulled the trigger, he made the decision to act. If your lawsuit had any basis of truth, then anyone who ever made a decision to harm people would always have an excuse, somebody or something to blame, and isn't that the whole problem? Too many times through life we show the world that we don't have to be held accountable for our actions. That is the terrible trend that needs to stop. Choices have consequences. The sooner we start living our lives with that in mind, the better off we will be. The choice to make money off of this tragedy will have consequences. Good luck living with the money you're awarded, if any. I just hope you remember as you're spending each dollar what had to happen for you to get it.

What if you're right?

I didn't rush to write a post about the tragic events in Colorado yesterday because I knew if I did, it would be filled with anger and thoughts of revenge. When you hear of something like that happening, your first feeling is utter disbelief. Then that is quickly followed by anger, and then comes the questioning and finally we, in our humanity, have to find a reason. We have to lay blame. There will be an endless parade of speculation and analyzing in the weeks to come. Since the event took place at the midnight premier of "The Dark Knight Rises", people will draw comparison to that, especially since it has been reported that the shooter proclaimed to the police that he was "The Joker", the arch villain of Batman. People will blame our violent television shows and video games. They want to find a reason that this 24 year old boy would commit these atrocities. New crews are camped outside his parent's home hoping for some tiny thread to speculate on as to why. That's really the question we want answered, WHY? We may gain that insight where we have not been able to in events like these that have happened in the past. So many times in these shootings, after the individual has caused all the death and destruction, they turn the gun on themselves. James Holmes gave up almost willingly. No matter what theories are produced, we know one thing. Holmes' actions were not normal. What he put into motion on July 20th took planning. Lots of it! Everything he was carrying, what he wore, using tear gas, having a gas mask on, not to mention the booby-trapping of his apartment with explosives that law enforcement is still trying to figure out. We know he was smart, very smart, and seemingly normal, so what happened? That, ladies and gentleman, is the $64,000 question, and here is the answer: We don't know! We may never know. Not much comfort in that, is there? Here's the thing. The plain truth is, we don't have any control over what other people do, we only have control over ourselves. We only have control, as parents, to raise our children to be good people and know right from wrong and to have compassion for others. And yes, here's the pill that's a little hard to swallow, we have a responsibility, no, a duty to be honest with ourselves and others. Apparently when all of this hit the news yesterday, ABC news contacted the shooter's mother. Her words to them were, "You have the right person." How many times do we, as parents, friends, co-workers, see some sign, notice some behavior, just have a plain gut instinct that something isn't right, and ignore it? Rationalizing the sick feeling we have deep in the pit of our stomachs, that we are being silly, we are over-analyzing the situation. I can't call this to anybody's attention. What will people say? What if I'm wrong? What if you're RIGHT? How different would the community of Aurora be today if someone had been honest with themselves and told someone about that odd feeling they had around James Holmes?

Equal Time

Apparently, according to my oldest daughter, I "went off" yesterday about commercials I hate. After all, the post was entitled, "Rant", so today I decided to give credit to the companies that are really creative in their advertising. These are the companies that actually make me rewind the TIVO or at the very least make me want to NOT fast forward through their ad. $449 Billion is spent on advertising every year in the US alone. If I was spending that much money, I would want to be assured that people were watching my ad. It's a huge industry, especially television advertising. Take the Superbowl, for example. In 2012, companies paid 3.5 million dollars for a 30 second spot to run during the granddaddy of all football games. Superbowl ads have become almost as popular as the game itself, and many non-sports enthusiasts will freely admit to watching the Superbowl just for the commercials. Advertising agencies know that this is the time to pull out their big guns, and boy, do they ever! However, commercials were not invented for the Superbowl. Advertising is a creative business, and the best minds have created some great ads and "catch phrases" I have grown up with and loved. So, just as much as I hated the commercials I mentioned yesterday, I love these just as much, if not more. Hallmark is a company that has always had great commercials. I often joke when I am describing how sensitive I am that I cry at a Hallmark commercial. In all fairness, who could resist crying at most of them? One that comes to mind is the little girl that gives her Piano Professor a birthday card or this one I found while searching YouTube.

If you can keep a dry eye watching this one, you're a better man than I. Who can forget the classic coke commercial where everyone is singing "I'd like to teach the world to sing," or the new Proctor and Gamble Olympic commercial saluting Moms.Commercials can definitely strike a chord with us, touch us, even make us cry. But they can also make us laugh. There are too many to count of the ones I love that I have watched over and over again because I enjoy them so much, but these two rank among my favorites! Both were made for the Superbowl. One is for careerbuilder.com and the other was made by Volkswagen. Both made me laugh, and obviously did their job of enticing me to watch and remember their product.Advertising is obviously filled with great minds. If only I could figure out how to weed out the bad ones.

It's a rant, just a stupid little rant, and a rant is what you make it!

I don't listen to the radio on a consistent basis in the car. Most of the time I treat my solo rides in the car as decompressing time from work with no noise. If my kids are in the car, we are usually listening to their iPods. I do usually listen on my ride to work, and I always listen while I am getting ready in the morning at home. This is not going to be a rant about the radio but rather advertising on the radio and advertising through the media in general. Right around graduation time the radio station I listen to at home while I am getting ready played one particular ad over, and Over, and OVER again! It was an ad for a car company. The copy started out with a young graduate girl saying these words excitedly ( a little too excitedly in my opinion, translation: bad acting) "When my dad mentioned the words graduation surprise..." She was irritating enough, but then the voice over switches to the Dad with the teenage girl squealing in the background. The actor they hired to voice the dad literally sounded like some creepy pervert who stands outside of a school yard drooling while he watches all the high school girls come out and go to their cars. I kid you not, one of his lines in talking about his daughter's reaction to the gift of the car was "She was out of control!" said with this really creepy, lecherous inflection. I got to the point where I would almost break my neck jumping over my bed to get to the clock radio to turn off the sound that was offending my ears. If I could not make it to the radio, I would regress to my elementary days and plug my ears with my fingers and sing "La, La, La" loudly until I was relatively sure the commercial was over. There's another radio ad that I turn off every time it comes on. It's the one where the mom is riding her daughter's school bus because gas prices are too high, and she seems to delight in embarrassing her child. Then there's the one for the well known fast food chain that talks about living with a morning person, and the annoying roommate sings "It's a new day!" Yes, I realize she is supposed to be annoying, but so annoying that the consumer no longer listens to the commercial? Probably not. And then there's television. Luckily I am almost never home, so almost all the TV I watch is on TIVO. The plus? being able to fast forward through all the commercials. Like the super annoying commercial for a well known Virginia amusement park where the family sits and screams at the kitchen table, not yelling words, but bloodcurdling, ear-piercing, shrieks. I cannot get to the remote fast enough! Or the ever popular, "It's my money, and I need it NOW!!" or the screaming pig on the zip line. Then there are the commercials that are just disturbing visually like the one for the rainbow candy where a boy has a tree growing out of the center of his chest or the same company's most recent gross offering of a girl making out with a huge walrus. Then there's the lovely commercial for termite extermination that has a huge creature that would rival anything fabricated for an alien movie from an FX studio. My point is, when any of these commercials come on, I turn them off or worse yet, I change the channel. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that just the opposite of what I'm supposed to do?

I'm Awake!

Last night I ventured downtown to see VaRep's summer offering "Spring Awakening". I wasn't really sure what to expect. I knew about the partial nudity. I knew about the language. I knew about the "master of my domain" scene. I'm 48, but I'm no prude, and I love all kinds of music. Plus, I won free tickets, so I made the reservations to go. Now, before I go any further, this is not going to be a review of the production. This is going to be a post about what this production "Awakened" in me. I, like many others I am sure, who had never seen this musical had some misconceptions about it. For one, I did not know it took place in Germany in the 1890's. I assumed, incorrectly, because it was a rock musical, it took place in the present day. Yes, the music is very much present day, and the score rocks, but the theme of the music is timeless, and that's what I discovered last night. I also thought that the title was about the "awakenings" of youth and youth only, but after seeing the show last night, I realized how very much it is about awakening feelings and thought in the way we treat our children and youth as parents, teachers, coaches and mentors. I left the theater entertained, but as I began to think about the show it pressed upon me how very relevant it is today, especially in light of the issues this country seems to be split right down the middle about right now. I woke up early this morning and lay in my bed thinking how much damage we, as adults, do to our children, not just in the obvious ways of physical abuse, or verbal abuse, but the damage we do with our lack of communication, our silence, our turning a blind eye and feigning ignorance. To use modern terms: SPOILER ALERT. I watched this cast of very passionate young people last night reveal to each other on stage and in turn to me in the audience their very real hurts and angst and wonder and curiosity. The play starts with a budding ( her mother's descriptive reason as to why a childhood dress can no longer be worn) young girl, Wendla, questioning her mother as to where babies come from. Her mother is obviously uncomfortable with the subject. She would prefer that Wendla be satisfied with, "The stork has visited your sister." At Wendla's insistent pleas, her mother finally gives in. However the explanation she gives comes nowhere near what actually happens to create life. As the play goes on we meet several characters who are dealing with their own "awakenings." Moritz, who's having a hard time focusing on his studies because he is plagued with the dreams that all young boys have as their bodies change. Melchior is the free thinker, the major crush, the unbridled spirit. He and Wendla connect and discover each other one day. This results in a pregnancy, and Wendla cannot believe she's having a child. When it finally dawns on her that the afternoon of pleasure she enjoyed with Melchior is what gave her the child, she is shocked! Her mother is ashamed and appalled that Wendla would do such a thing. Does it open a dialogue? Is there a flood of forgiveness? No, more silence, and more shame. In fact, the running theme for me was silence and the damage it does. People suffering in silence, ashamed and made to feel bad for the natural feelings that everyone has. The silence of a mother who turns a blind eye to the sexual abuse of her daughter at the hand of her father. Enduring it all because we were taught to be good little girls and boys, and polite, mannerly children don't even think these things, let alone speak of them. The sad thing is, nothing's changed since the 1890's for some. If you had changed the clothes and the language of the actors, it could have been a very believable reality series about the teens of today. Why are we so afraid to be honest with our children? We were children. We were teens. We felt exactly what they are feeling. Why is it so hard for us to talk to them about it? I am amazed at the number of teen girls my girls know that have never had a conversation about sex with their parents. People take a lesson from Wendla and her mother. Just because you don't talk about it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Wake up!

You get a line, and I'll get a pole, honey!

I have shared many times before in this blog that I am a TV person. I grew up a TV kid, and I am an avid television watcher today. There are a few shows, mostly classic, that I can watch over and over again. The Andy Griffith Show is one of them. The early black and white episodes are the ones I enjoy the most! If you are not familiar with The Andy Griffith Show, it was a show about a fictional town called Mayberry, NC. The show centered around the "sheriff without a gun", Andy Taylor, and his relationship with the citizens of the town. Mayberry was not a dangerous town, hence the "without a gun" part. Andy was there to keep peace. He was smart as a whip, but he would never lord that over anyone. In fact he played the "country bumpkin" quite well when appearing that way served his purpose. The chemistry on screen between him and his deputy, Barney Fife, expertly played by Don Knotts was magic! Mayberry had lots of characters. Some of my favorites? Opie - Andy's son, Otis - the town drunk, Ernest T. Bass - a wild, true to the term hilbilly and who can forget The Darlings? a family that Andy came in contact with when they had booked a hotel room for one, and the whole family of 6 was staying there. I could go on, but the glue that held this eclectic bunch together was Andy. He was always there to impart wisdom to Opie, get Barney out of a jam, scheme against the stingy department store owner to help out his door-to-door salesman friend, do a little pickin' on the porch after dinner or telling a story as only Andy could.

Since the show ran from 1960-1968, and I was 5 when it went off of the air, I am sure I do not remember the shows from their original air dates, but I grew up with the re-runs, and Mayberry became a town that I visited often. Even today when I am channel surfing, if I see Andy Griffith, I'll stop there and watch the episode. Andy Taylor was a lot of things to his viewers, a trusted friend, a friendly face, a loving father, and all because Andy griffith played Sheriff Taylor with such skill and natural ability that we felt like we knew him.

It is a gift when an actor creates a world for his audience that you absolutely feel a part of. I did feel a part of Andy's world, and when I learned this morning that we lost Andy Griffith, I cried because I had lost a friend. My sister said on her Facebook that Andy always seemed immortal to her. It's true. He was one of those iconic characters that you thought would never die. Another friend posted, "R.I.P. Andy Griffith. May you find that fishin' hole in the sky fully stocked." You get a line, and I'll get a pole.