We Only Know the Middle. He Knows the End

 

I have not written a post for months. Not sure why. I promised myself when I started this blog that I would not write unless inspired. That sounds like a sad commentary on my life for the last nine months. It hasn't been that I haven't been inspired. I guess I just got the feeling that nobody wanted to listen anymore. Well, I felt like someone out there may need to hear this particular thought. We only know the middle. God knows the end. If you have read this blog at all in the last 12 years that I have been writing it, you know that I am a person of faith. I have been through a lot of things in my life that I know I would not have survived without faith. There is something comforting in knowing that someone bigger and smarter and more compassionate than me is in charge. Now, that is not to say that I don't try to run things in my life, because I DO! usually to my detriment. Something happened a couple of weeks ago that has turned our community upside down. A dear, sweet, faithful, young woman, that I know through the theatre community, was lost in a drowning accident. All of the questions and feelings come rushing forth. Why God? Why her? This is not fair! Anger, Confusion, Resentment, Guilt, Powerlessness, Denial, Devastation, Fear. I could go on and on. If you are not familiar with what happened after the accident, the search for her went on for a week. Here is the amazing thing, and this is why I am writing today. Her mother kept us all updated on Facebook every day as to what was going on. People came out in droves to help in the search. People all over the world were sending messages and praying. Her mother is a great person of faith, and that was clear in every post. I was in awe. I have a daughter almost the same age as hers, and I cannot say that I would have been able to do what she did. Now, many of you, at this point, are saying, "What good did your prayers do? She is still gone. The outcome was tragic!" You are right! The outcome was tragic! A beautiful girl has left this world, and we mourn her loss, and the life unlived, but we only know the middle. He knows the end. We, in our humanness, cannot understand why tragedy happens. I don't think God causes tragedy, but I believe He can take any situation and bring good out of it. We will never know how this event affected people, but God knows. We will never know how a mother's faith and testimony moved people to make it through their own crisis or inspired them to continue in this life, but God knows. We will never know if someone turned to God who had turned away because of this community's love for this family, but God knows. If any of those things happened, I know that this sweet girl is rejoicing that it did. Please do not twist my words and think that I am glad this happened. That is not what I am saying at all! What I am saying is that we cannot give up when things seem darkest. We have purpose! We have meaning! whether we are here for 30 years or 100. Live every day knowing that, and do not waste any of it.

There's a Difference Between Vengeance and Justice

In the last 6 months 2 people that I know have gone through situations where someone has done something against them that is the very definition of injustice. I am not going to divulge details as I don't want to expose either of them as they are friends. Both are very devout Christians. I mention that fact not to say that Christians don't deserve anything bad happening to them or they shouldn't suffer or they should have special treatment. I mention that becuase I want to address the way both have reacted to their situations. In both of these instances and events in these people's lives, they, by every reasonable standard have been wronged. They are unquestionably in the right! There is no gray in either of these situations, but both have decided not to seek justice. They are leaving it "up to God." Now, I realize that I am stepping in a steaming pot of hot water right now, but I am puzzled by their actions. I am not presuming that God does not know what's best in either situation. I'm sure He does, but I also believe in a God that does not expect us, as His followers, to roll over and play dead waiting for Him to swoop in and claim justice. If someone has done wrong, they deserve punishment. We as humans need to abide by laws and rules, whether they are actual laws on the books or moral laws that decent human beings need to follow so that we can live in a civilized world. Yes, I know, "Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord!" But simply seeking restitution or requesting that the offending party do what is right is NOT VENGEANCE! Why do we allow someone to cause us harm or distress or leave us in a terrible situation claiming that God will take care of it. Maybe the way God wants to take care of it is to give us the strength and wisdom to take care of it. I will use myself as an example. When I and my two children were left penniless, and I do mean absolutely no money or job or even a car when my ex-husband decided to leave, I did not sit and say God will take care of this and do nothing. I couldn't! Somehow I needed to find a way for my children to eat and have shelter and care. I went after what was right and just. God certainly helped by providing me with a lawyer who took my case without charging me a cent. If I had not taken any action, I shudder to think what would have become of the three of us. What I did was not an act of vengeance. Vengeance would have been if I sought him out to do him harm. I went after justice. People should be made to do what is right. If not, where is the lesson in that? What consequences are suffered? We teach our children from a very young age right from wrong and that when we do something to others, we need to make it right. We do not let our children grab a toy from another child and as that child is crying say "God will take care of it." God is not going to reach His hand down and give that toy back to the child who had it first. If we do not intervene, child 1 is left crying and child 2 goes on believing that what they did was fine. Why do we suddenly forsake those rules as we become adults? Why is no one held accountable for their wrongdoing? Call me crazy, but I don't believe that Christianity is a "doormat" faith. I think my faith is an active one, and I will continue to pray for guidance and help to do what is right whether it be for me or someone else. I don't believe that God wants me to be some crazed vigilante, but I do not believe that He wants me to let people go and stand idly by while they do an injustice to me or someone else.

Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God?

If I read one more article, or see one more video with some idiot who uses the identifier as Christian claiming that tragedies, whether they be perpetrated by man or naturally happen, are a judgement from God, I may explode!!!!!!! At the very least I am going to start my own faith that does not have the word Christian in it because these buffoons have ruined the world's view of what I think a Christian is and should live like and treat others. What has spurred this outburst from me, you may be thinking? Well, it has been building for a while. I guess if I wanted to be honest, probably since 9-11, but recently with the Sandy Hook Shootings, the Boston Bombing and now, the Oklahoma Tornado, it seems the crazies have really come out of the woodwork in full force! I have a strong faith! I believe in God! Anyone who knows me or has followed this blog knows that, so if anybody reads this and wants to call me out as a heathen and condemn me to Hell, COME AT ME!!! I am so sick, of mainstream Christian leaders mouthing off answers to questions that people write in and ask or call in and ask about these tragedies and what part God played in them and why? If I were a lawyer and this was a courtroom, as soon as the dolt would begin to answer, I would shout, "Objection! Calls for speculation!" How dare you presume to know the mind of God! And while I'm at it, SHUT UP!!!!!! Every syllable you utter makes me, as a Christian, embarrassed that a group I belong to has  leaders who would make such stupid statements! You are the Taliban equivalent in Christianity. No, I am not saying you cause death and destruction or cause physical harm, but you are radical and extremist and when people believe the drivel you say as God's own words you are harming them spiritually and emotionally. Is the world in a crappy state? YES! Is evil running rampant? YES! Do I think that makes God unhappy? YES! Do I think that he caused all of the above mentioned tragedies to make us get our act together? NO!!! I believe in God, as a parent. I believe He loves me and cares for my well being. I believe that He sends me comfort when I need it, and that when I do something wrong, He is disappointed, but do I believe that if I step out of line that He will punish and kill thousands of people until I "repent?" NO! If I've got it wrong, then I guess I'll be the one who's surprised at the world's end, but for now I will believe that my God is a God of love and forgiveness. Isn't that why he sent his own son to die? If he was just going to kill all  of us when we ticked him off, doesn't that negate the whole "Jesus" thing? Don't know about you, but it's pretty hard to repent if you're dead. I know I might sound blasphemous to some, but I am enraged at the attack on my faith. I am saddened that my faith is being thought of as a group of idiots and hate mongers. Who do you think you're winning over? Isn't that our job as Christians to spread the GOOD news? Just letting you know that you're turning people off. You're driving people away from God and his love! So while you're yelling at people to repent, try getting on your knees yourself to explain to God, oh I forgot, you know what he's thinking, so I'll rephrase....Send him some telepathic thoughts of explanation as to why you're scaring the sheep away from His flock rather than bringing them into the fold with love and care.

♪♫ Could it be? Yes it could! Somethin's comin'. Somethin' GOOD! ♫♪

Back at the end of March I wrote a post about my oldest auditioning for the theatre program at one of the two colleges she had been accepted to for the fall of 2012. The following is an update to all things college that have happened since then. If you read the post, you know that I was not able to take that trip with my daughter to that audition. Working in College Admission myself, I was anxious to hear her impression of the school. She really didn't say much at all. This worried me a bit because having talked to thousands of students and their parents over the last 7 years, I knew that if the fit is right, most students fall in love with the campus as soon as they arrive. They just feel "at home" I didn't get that vibe from her at all. I began to ask questions about the visit. Much to my surprise, my daughter told me that the tour guide spent more time bashing things about the school than talking it up. I was shocked! That would never happen where I work! I also knew my daughter was reluctant to say too much to me because she knew that this was the only school, at this point, where we had tuition exchange. Money was not an issue with this school, so she didn't want to tell me that she didn't want to go there. Yeah, I've raised one of those kids. We waited for about two weeks, and on the last day of spring break, she received information from the school that she had not made it into their theatre program. She was actually relieved because she really didn't want to attend there. I, however, was devastated. I felt like last year was playing out all over again. We were back to all our eggs in one basket again.   We still hadn't heard from the other tuition exchange school. We were supposed to know by the 15th. It was the 13th. I took a chance and called the college. I was put through to the very nice person in charge of tuition exchange. She looked up the account and the next words were music to my ears, "I don't know why she hasn't received a letter. I'm showing here that she received tuition exchange." I couldn't believe what I was hearing! Being the way I am, I clarified before I hung up, "So you're saying she has tuition exchange?" "YES!," was the answer that came back. My daughter was not at the house when I made the call. She was out with a friend. As soon as she walked in the door, I told her the news. She was ecstatic! the first time I'd seen her that way about college since she got accepted to the school last year that we couldn't make happen. It was a GREAT feeling to see her so excited! Fast forward about 6 weeks: We just returned Saturday from a trip to see the college that she will be attending in the fall. It was beautiful! The campus is small, but very welcoming and scenic. I loved it, but more importantly she did! Their theatre program is ranked in the top 10 in the US, and she will be able to audition for any shows as early as the Spring semester of her freshman year. The entire pre-college experience has been very positive and welcoming. This institution really seems to care about their students, and that's what I'm looking for. So, that "plan" seems to be falling into place just as my girl knew it would all along. In 71 days, I will be on the road to move my little girl into her college dorm, her home for the next 4 years. Am I ready? No, I don't think I'll ever be ready, but I am excited for her and what the future holds for her, and I am certain that this college is the first leg on the journey that was always meant to be!