I Am One of the Parasite Class

 

I have been silent for a while. Partly because I was busy with a show, but also there is so much to write about, where do I start? I have now been off of Facebook for a full month. I can't say I miss it much. I am still on Instagram, and I could slap myself for ever clicking on a Plinko ad. I am not kidding, there is now a Plinko ad every other frame, but that is not what I am writing about today. I have really tried hard not to look at the news for the last month, but I do see some of what's going on in between the Plinko ads. Tonight, I skimmed through some headlines, and I saw that Musk reposted the below meme on "X" with his addition. 

 

Federal Programs? Hmmm. All federal programs, or just the ones you think deserve it? And how could he think that 90% of Americans aren't benefitting in some way from federal programming? And, here's a little insight for people who are dumb enough to think that all of these massive cuts aren't affecting them. Social Security is a federal program, yes, but it's not a hand out from the government. If you have ever worked in your life, there is an amount that is taken out of every paycheck you get for social security. You are paying for that program to help others and so you will have something when you stop working. Of course, most of us cannot even afford to stop working if we were going to receive our "full" benefit. It is not enough to live on, but I digress. I am sure a vast majority of the people who are happy with what is going on right now think that federal programs refers to welfare, as they called it in my younger years or government assistance. You know, the "bums who are too lazy to get a job and live off of the government, the 'parasites'" Well, I was one of those "parasites." I have shared this story before, but for those of you who are new to this blog, at the age of 34, 27 years ago today, I found out that my husband, the love of my life, the sole bread winner (I was a stay-at-home Mom of our 2 children, ages 2 and 5) was having an affair with a co-worker, and my life blew up. I tried my best to change so he would stay with me because I must have done something wrong for him to cheat on me. NOTE: This is what happens in this situation almost always. The party being cheated on believes it is somehow their fault, and the party cheating plays into that and perpetuates it. I hung in there for 4 more months trying my hardest to save my marriage all to come home from a trip away with my children to visit a friend and her family to an empty house with a letter telling me he'd left, and I should get my act together. He didn't just leave us. He left both of his jobs, took the only functioning car, and overdrew the checking account. In the matter of one day, through no fault of my own, I had nothing, less than nothing. I had no job, no money, with overdraft fees piling up because he had taken the full balance of money out of the checking account, no savings and 2 small children to raise. Oh, and lest I forget, when he left his job, we no longer had medical insurance. Think of yourself in that situation. What can you do? How will you live? How will you feed your children? Even if you could get a job, how could you get there? You have no car. If you could get to the job, what do you do with your children? How do you afford daycare? You have no idea where your husband is because he certainly didn't tell you, and even if you found him, he quit both of his jobs, and he has no money to give you. I did the only thing I could. I applied for government assistance and food stamps. Let me tell you, I grew up in a white middle class and later upper middle class home, and I always believed that line that people on welfare are lazy. They don't want to get a job. I was pretty judgy! And here I was using food stamps at the grocery store. I was so embarrassed to use them. I knew everyone was judging me because I had done the exact same thing to others out of ignorance. I found a job within 2 months, not a huge paying job, not even close to the salary my husband had been making, but thanks to the help of family and friends, I was able to work without paying the exorbitant amount it would have cost me to put my children in daycare. When I started the job, my government assistance stopped except for the medical insurance for my children, but I don't know how we would have survived without that assistance for those 2 months. Are there people that play the system? I'm sure there are, but that happens all the time, but those are the few, most are in situations they never thought they would be in. They never thought they would have to rely on the government to support them. They never thought they would have to become a "parasite." In case you don't know the exact definition, here a 2 from Webster's dictionary. The first: an organism living in, on, or with another organism in order to obtain nutrients, grow, or multiply often in a state that directly or indirectly harms the host. 

The second: someone or something that resembles a biological parasite in living off of, being dependent on, or exploiting another while giving little or nothing in return. Notice that the first definition cuts the biological parasite some slack in the highlighted portion, "directly or indirectly," in other words, the biological parasite needs a host to live, and possibly just by living and doing nothing else, they may harm the host. They're not setting out to harm the host, they are simply trying to survive. The second definition of a human parasite gives no leniency, going so far as to use the word, "exploiting," and the phrase "giving little or nothing in return." How very much like that we have become. We show more empathy and understanding to a tick or a tapeworm than a human being. Let me say it louder for those in the back a HUMAN BEING. I was just trying to survive and feed my children, but according to Elon Musk and supposedly 90% of Americans, I was a parasite. Who are we? Who have we become? If you are one of the people who is watching with glee as all these people are losing their jobs, these veterans losing their benefits, people not able to get their medication, just remember, my life changed in 1 day. I went from leading a comfortable life to less than nothing, no home, no car, no job and no money. Be careful, because you might just have to become a parasite to survive.

                                                  

Why Am I Not Surprised?

 

My daughter said something the day after the election, and I have read it from others as well. We were trying to process what just happened. She said, "This country hates women!," and, you know what? She's right. In any sane world there would have been no contest between the 2 candidates that were on the ballot last Tuesday. The country chose a convicted felon, for people to which the rules apply, someone who committed treason against this country, stole top secret, confidential documents, has far less experience, (in my opinion, none) and terrible references over a highly qualified (the first candidate ever to have experience in all 3 levels of government), joyous, promise to be a president for all, sane, intelligent, coherent black woman. There's no other explanation. When I stopped and thought about it, I thought, why am I not surprised? I mean, it isn't like women have ever been treated right in this country. It was in my lifetime that a woman was allowed to have a credit card in her own name. Regardless of what some may think, I am not that old. 1974 was the magic year! I was 11 years old. Women still aren't paid the same as men for doing the same job, and probably better. In my current job, I am in a customer service role, and I have worked in the same department, at the same job since 2005. I currently have been in the department longer than any other person. The closest person in number of years working in the same department has been there a little more than 1/2 of the years I have. Yet, when I answer the phone, and the last phrase out of my mouth is, "How May I help you," and the man on the other end of the phone says, "Is there a man I can speak to?" (to which I want to say, "Don't you mean is there a man with whom I may speak,") After they answer my subtle dig at their improper grammar, I want to say, "NO!" The mere fact that the caller is talking to a woman, instantly triggers them to think I don't possess the knowledge to answer the question. After all, I'm just a dumb girl! It doesn't happen often, but when it has, I am proud to say, I always end up answering the question. I should pause here and say that I am one of the most stubborn people you will ever meet, and pair that with my instant rage at being thought of as less than simply because I'm a woman, and hell would freeze over before I would ever let any of those sexist pigs talk to a man. Of course it's all delivered with that veiled tone that sounds cordial but has that little bit of edge to it. We've seen it all through history. Women need to be kept in their place. Men are the ones who should have the power and control, and if a woman shows intelligence and power, she is thought of as a bitch and undesirable, masculine. How many movies have you seen where the super intelligent girl acted dumb to get the guy? Strong women intimidate men. Women are encouraged not to speak their mind for fear of appearing too outspoken. I have shared many things about my marriage and subsequent events that led to my divorce, but I'm not sure I have ever shared this. My Ex and I were very prominent in our church. Actually let me take that back, he was prominent, and I was his wife. I wasn't shunned or anything, but I would have never been the first person of the couple to be asked for my opinion. When I lost my first child to a miscarriage, the "male" pastor never visited or reached out, in fact, I can't even remember discussing the loss with him at all. His wife called to check on me, and said that the pastor didn't call because it was a female thing. When everything blew up, and my ex's affair was in danger of being revealed, not by me, mind you, he left me and my toddler and 5 year old with less than nothing. He also left the church without a word vacating his job as music director and youth leader. Plenty of people reached out to me and were there to help, but there were plenty of people who thought, "What did she do that would cause him to act that way?" In the state of Virginia, if you separate, and you share children, you must wait a year before you can obtain a divorce, so before we were divorced, he and the person he was having the affair with got pregnant. I'm not sure if you know how child support laws work in this state, but there is a formula. Virginia uses the shared income model. That means both my gross income and my ex's are used to determine the amount that should be paid. In August of 1998 when the first hearing was held to establish child support, I had 2 part time jobs after not having any in June of 1998 when he left. My gross monthly income was probably $835.00. He had left, without notice, 2 prominent jobs that gave him a gross monthly income of around $6,000, so when child support was decided he was probably grossing about $2,500 a month with a job he had taken managing a convenience store. The shared income model uses a % of both incomes. I had full physical and legal custody. The amount was set at $800 per month total for both children, 1 who was still in diapers. Now, wrap your head around this. I am netting a little over $700 per month, so with the $800 child support added, I am expected to pay rent or mortgage, day care, food, clothes, school fees, utilities and upkeep and fuel for a vehicle on $1500 per month. The place we were renting when he left was $550 per month, and that did not include utilities. Now we're down to $950 a month to pay for all of the other things I just mentioned. I moved out of the townhouse, moved in with my parents, borrowed a car from my father (my ex took the only car that was running) found people who would take care of my kids for free or almost free so I could work. My child support stayed at that amount until it legally ended when each of my girls graduated high school, no increase for cost of living, no extra allowance having girls and all the extra costs that come with puberty, but that's not the worst part. I actually went to see a lawyer when my girls were 10 and 13 to see about getting an increase. He told me it would not be worth it. It probably wouldn't go up, and it could go down. Why, you may ask. My ex got a $596 credit for the child he had with his now wife. By this time he probably had a much higher paying job. I say probably because he wouldn't reveal to me what he made, and I didn't have the money to take him to court to try to get the amount increased. Here's the kicker. Both our incomes are calculated to determine how much, but his wife's income did not come into the equation when considering his child credit. Sorry, that's effed up, and 9 times out of 10, it will be the single mom who gets the short end of the stick. Sounds like a man's world to me. I will guarantee someone will read this and say, "She just wants to punish men," "She's an angry feminist," but I'll guarantee if the tables were turned, men would be yelling and screaming about it. Wait, what am I saying? The tables would never be turned, and that's my point. I cannot believe that we are living in a world where women are dying because other people, mostly men, think they know what's best for a woman and her own body without knowing the situation or circumstances, nor trusting a doctor's trained medical opinion. There are no laws to govern men's bodies or health. If I wasn't living through it, and I was reading it as a novel, I would say, this is not believable. This would never happen. Women wouldn't stand for it, but guess what. Not only do a good portion remain silent, but there are just as many who actually voted for a person who is proud of leading the charge to take away women's rights. White women were the only group of women that had a higher percentage for Trump. 

One of Kamala Harris' campaign slogans was "We're not going back." Oh, what hope I had that that would not be anything we had to worry about after last Tuesday, but the train has left the station. Next stop? 1973, and that will just be the first stop. Each destination will take us further and further back until this country puts us back in our place. We had an engineer that knew how to run the train and take it forward to places where we could feel safe and grow, but we hired the passenger with the rich friends who bought the train instead.

I've Been There!

 I try in this blog not to be SUPER political. There are definitely things I have ranted about, and they may have had political leanings, but at the core, it was usually about a human issue. This post will be no different, but many will see it as political, they may turn a blind eye, or think it is too liberal for their taste, but I cannot sit and be silent anymore. On first hand it may look to you that this is a post about Trump, and in a way, it is, but more than anything it will be about fear and concern for the place I choose to live and the people who surround me locally and nationally. Let me start by saying that I feel uniquely qualified to share these thoughts because I have been on the other side. (Insert GASP here!) I grew up in a very "Republican" home. I can remember as a very small child the celebration and comments in my home when Nixon won over George McGovern. It was 1972, I was 9, and Nixon won 49 of the 52 states. My father was most vocal about it, and I remember a sense of gloating that McGovern couldn't even carry his own state. I also remember that when Nixon "resigned" there was a strong feeling in my house of sympathy and indignation. Surely, this great man had been railroaded. Now remember, this was 1974, and we didn't have news every second of every day. We couldn't glance down at our phones and get the latest headlines, and the most we heard about any side other than our own was on Meet the Press on Sunday mornings. At 10 years old, that program was not on my list of favorites. As I grew up, I didn't really pay much attention to politics, and like many young people, I adopted the leanings of my Parents. We voted Republican! The first Democrat I remember voting for was Doug Wilder for Virginia's Governor. That was in 1989, and I had been out of my parental home for 7 years at that point. I have been on the side of "People on welfare are lazy" "They need to get a job!" "Why should my tax dollars pay for them to stay home?"  Ironically when my husband left me with nothing and 2 small children to rais and no job, I had to go on welfare. I have also been close, not all the way, but close to the Evangelical Christian side, believing the hype that Democrats and liberals want to take away prayer and they are waging a war on Christmas. I was a "God said it! I believe it! That's the end of it!" person. I did not want to hear any other opinions in contradiction to my faith, and when explored or mentioned, I became defensive. So when I write these next words they are not coming from someone who "doesn't know how you feel." I literally have walked in your shoes, and have been, by the Grace of God, shown the light, so believe me when I say, I am very frightened of the turn this country and its people have taken over the last 4 years. Back in 2016 when the election was going on my oldest daughter was very worried that Trump would win. I kept saying, "Honey, he's not going to win." The "Grab-em" comment alone should have tanked his chances. Certainly just 4 years prior the leaked video of Romney's 47% comments caused his campaign to take a hit. Imagine my shock when the next morning we woke up to the news that Donald Trump was President. Even then, I told my daughter, don't worry, we have a government that will keep him in check. That's the way a checks and balances system works. That was 4 years ago, although it seems like 10. Here we sit, most of us in our homes, not by choice, with close to 200,000 U.S. citizens dead from a Pandemic that was mishandled from the beginning and continues to be. We have people out in droves who are proudly showing their hate of fellow human beings and Trump is throwing gasoline on that fire, and NO ONE  is doing anything to stop him! He does whatever he wants, says whatever he wants (truth or not) and people cheer his hate and mocking on! They are perfectly fine with it because his hate and mocking has empowered them. They finally have validity because the President of the United States feels this way. It can't be wrong! Now, when I said earlier I know how you feel, I was not talking about hate. That I do not understand and never will. I write this to say, Wake up Christians! He is not your Christian President! I don't care what his stance is on abortion and a woman's right to choose. If all of a sudden his fan base was Pro-Choice, he would be too. If he is President for another 4 years, I am truly afraid of what our government will be. How many more will die because He won't listen to medical experts? How many more will be killed because of the color of their skin because he will not admit that racism is rampant in this country and something needs to be done? How many senior citizens will die because they can't afford health care if Medicare and Medicaid is taken away. I have been working since I was 18, and I have paid into that system, trusting I would be able to use it when I reached an age (forget retirement, that will never happen for me) where I can no longer work. I know this is falling on deaf ears if you are part of the cult, but PLEASE, if you think your vote won't matter, or you don't particularly care for Biden, or any other reason you're on the fence, PLEASE vote to get TRUMP out of office. On my way to work today, one man was standing on the median with a homemade poster that said, "VOTE like your life depended on it! BIDEN-HARRIS 2020!" I honked and waved with a thumbs up because you know what? IT DOES!

Children Will Listen

In 1990 I was brought in as a last minute replacement as Jack's Mom in Into the Woods at Swift Creek Mill Playhouse. The actress playing her had to leave the cast, and Tom Width called me to ask me to come audition. I got the part. It was daunting to say the least as I was coming into the rehearsal process late, and if you know anything about Sondheim, that is no easy task. The cast welcomed me, and it was my entrance back into professional theatre after a very long hiatus. That show changed me in many ways, but I was 22, and I don't know if I truly appreciated the show's themes as I do now at 55. Through the last 33 years there have been many situations that have arisen that I have thought of the wisdom of Stephen Sondheim's lyrics, especially from Into the Woods. The running theme is "be careful what you wish for," but so many other things come up as he tells the story. Each thing we do affects someone else, although we may not see it at the time. Often times we make selfish choices that end up leaving someone else's life in ruins. The beautiful Julie Fulcher-Davis played the Witch in our production. Julie is a passionate actress and an even more passionate person. In the show her character sings a song called Children Will Listen. SPOILER ALERT: She sings the song while grieving the loss of her only child. The really sad part is that ultimately her daughter's death happened as a result of  the wheels she set in motion. To hear Julie sing it would make your heart break. The song begins:
              "Careful the things you say, children will listen.
              Careful the things you do, children will see and learn.."
I have pretty much kept this blog out of the hard political arena, but tomorrow is an extremely important day in the life of our country, and truthfully, our lives. I have watched over the past 2 years with disgust, fear, and shock at the horrible things that have become commonplace in our society. I have watched as hate has been encouraged and allowed to thrive, even stoked. I have watched awful things happen that I never thought I would see in my own country, let alone the fact that my government was on the side of the bad guys. I kept thinking, there's no way this can go on. There's no way that people will keep turning a blind eye, but here we are 2 years later, and I mourn the country I used to know. I never really thought about it except from my point of view, but then I read a post that a friend of mine wrote on Facebook about "what we will tell our children" about these times. A small excerpt:
          I take my responsibility as a role model seriously, and I believe that honesty and transparency, and speaking to children as you would a peer are keys to their development. Children will learn only as much as we teach them, and when it comes to teaching them Right versus Wrong, that should be pretty easy, right?

So what do you tell your children about our President?

Is it right to lie? Is it right to sexually assault? Is it right to stoke fear?

The President repeatedly calls the press Fake News and the Enemy of the People. He has been caught on tape saying that if you’re a celebrity, it’s okay to kiss women and much worse without their consent. He has repeatedly rallied to Lock Up people who have committed no crimes other than being his political opponent, all while claiming that it is the other side who demonstrates “mob” like behavior. And today, he retweeted the most racially charged national political ad in a generation.

To me, it is pretty clear: The President’s behavior is wrong. And if you vote for him OR you vote for politicians who support him, you support the things he supports.

You vote in support of lying. You vote in support of believing the accused over the accuser. You vote in support of racist acts. Can we not agree that these things are Wrong?

Tomorrow is not about party. Tomorrow is about the side of right and the side of wrong. I want to be on the side of right, and I want to be able to look my grandchildren that I may have one day in their sweet faces and be proud of what I stood for. Don't you? I fear if we continue to accept this unacceptable behavior, we will be so far down a path we will never be able to return to what's right and decent. Search your heart tomorrow and vote. You know what's right! Let the world know!

Make America What Again?

Not that long ago I would have been spending my July 3rd evening combing through my closet looking for something red, white and blue to wear tomorrow. Celebrate the 4th! Show your colors! I was the first person to whip out a tissue frantically dabbing my eyes as I heard America, the Beautiful or The National Anthem. I am a teacher, and I wore black and white to school today. In previous years I would have been decked out practically looking like a tacky ad for Patriotism, but, sadly not today. Don't get me wrong. I know that even with all of its faults I still could be living in far worse places, but today I am mad!!! I am mad at what the current administration has turned my country into. I am mad that my precious flag, once a symbol of freedom and honor, has been turned into a banner of hate and exclusion. Every day I keep thinking I am going to find out that none of this is real. This can't be happening here. this is America! But it is! And the sad thing is a huge amount of the population is cheering on the hate, supporting the exclusion, and laughing at the suffering inflicted on children by US! I don't want to be associated with that America. I am not proud! I am dabbing at my eyes, but because my country has turned into the mad, pitch fork wielding mob, and I am at a loss as to how to stop it. America has become the rabid dog, foaming at the mouth with hate, and though you once loved the loyal and true companion, the only way to save it is to destroy it. Is that what we've come to? I pray not!

Blurred Lines

Today is D-Day. It took place on June 6, 1944. I was not alive at that time, but countless people gave their lives that day so that I could live in freedom. We (America) went to war and attacked on the beaches of Normandy to rid the world of a very real threat. The Nazis were taking over Europe. I have posted this clip long ago, but it is worth watching again. It is the first part of Saving Private Ryan by Steven Spielberg. If you think war is just a video game, watch this. It will change your mind and your perception of what combat is like forever. (WARNING: Language and Violence)

When I think of what is happening in this country right now, I am so sad. What is going on right now is a slap in the face to these men who risked their lives to fight a very real enemy. An enemy we have let creep back onto our streets, OUR STREETS, the streets of America. Hell, on the college campus not an hour away from my front door, people marched through the streets with NAZI flags and chanting Nazi slogans, and the president did not speak out against them. When did the line become so blurred of right and wrong, between the good guys and the bad guys? How can we spit in the faces of these men who literally walked into a massacre on Omaha Beach by even entertaining the thought that Nazis are on the side of what's right? Do you want to tell them or their descendants that they died that day for nothing because really the Nazis aren't so bad. I don't. How long are we going to let this go on?  “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” Edmund Burke.