My daughter said something the day after the election, and I have read it from others as well. We were trying to process what just happened. She said, "This country hates women!," and, you know what? She's right. In any sane world there would have been no contest between the 2 candidates that were on the ballot last Tuesday. The country chose a convicted felon, for people to which the rules apply, someone who committed treason against this country, stole top secret, confidential documents, has far less experience, (in my opinion, none) and terrible references over a highly qualified (the first candidate ever to have experience in all 3 levels of government), joyous, promise to be a president for all, sane, intelligent, coherent black woman. There's no other explanation. When I stopped and thought about it, I thought, why am I not surprised? I mean, it isn't like women have ever been treated right in this country. It was in my lifetime that a woman was allowed to have a credit card in her own name. Regardless of what some may think, I am not that old. 1974 was the magic year! I was 11 years old. Women still aren't paid the same as men for doing the same job, and probably better. In my current job, I am in a customer service role, and I have worked in the same department, at the same job since 2005. I currently have been in the department longer than any other person. The closest person in number of years working in the same department has been there a little more than 1/2 of the years I have. Yet, when I answer the phone, and the last phrase out of my mouth is, "How May I help you," and the man on the other end of the phone says, "Is there a man I can speak to?" (to which I want to say, "Don't you mean is there a man with whom I may speak,") After they answer my subtle dig at their improper grammar, I want to say, "NO!" The mere fact that the caller is talking to a woman, instantly triggers them to think I don't possess the knowledge to answer the question. After all, I'm just a dumb girl! It doesn't happen often, but when it has, I am proud to say, I always end up answering the question. I should pause here and say that I am one of the most stubborn people you will ever meet, and pair that with my instant rage at being thought of as less than simply because I'm a woman, and hell would freeze over before I would ever let any of those sexist pigs talk to a man. Of course it's all delivered with that veiled tone that sounds cordial but has that little bit of edge to it. We've seen it all through history. Women need to be kept in their place. Men are the ones who should have the power and control, and if a woman shows intelligence and power, she is thought of as a bitch and undesirable, masculine. How many movies have you seen where the super intelligent girl acted dumb to get the guy? Strong women intimidate men. Women are encouraged not to speak their mind for fear of appearing too outspoken. I have shared many things about my marriage and subsequent events that led to my divorce, but I'm not sure I have ever shared this. My Ex and I were very prominent in our church. Actually let me take that back, he was prominent, and I was his wife. I wasn't shunned or anything, but I would have never been the first person of the couple to be asked for my opinion. When I lost my first child to a miscarriage, the "male" pastor never visited or reached out, in fact, I can't even remember discussing the loss with him at all. His wife called to check on me, and said that the pastor didn't call because it was a female thing. When everything blew up, and my ex's affair was in danger of being revealed, not by me, mind you, he left me and my toddler and 5 year old with less than nothing. He also left the church without a word vacating his job as music director and youth leader. Plenty of people reached out to me and were there to help, but there were plenty of people who thought, "What did she do that would cause him to act that way?" In the state of Virginia, if you separate, and you share children, you must wait a year before you can obtain a divorce, so before we were divorced, he and the person he was having the affair with got pregnant. I'm not sure if you know how child support laws work in this state, but there is a formula. Virginia uses the shared income model. That means both my gross income and my ex's are used to determine the amount that should be paid. In August of 1998 when the first hearing was held to establish child support, I had 2 part time jobs after not having any in June of 1998 when he left. My gross monthly income was probably $835.00. He had left, without notice, 2 prominent jobs that gave him a gross monthly income of around $6,000, so when child support was decided he was probably grossing about $2,500 a month with a job he had taken managing a convenience store. The shared income model uses a % of both incomes. I had full physical and legal custody. The amount was set at $800 per month total for both children, 1 who was still in diapers. Now, wrap your head around this. I am netting a little over $700 per month, so with the $800 child support added, I am expected to pay rent or mortgage, day care, food, clothes, school fees, utilities and upkeep and fuel for a vehicle on $1500 per month. The place we were renting when he left was $550 per month, and that did not include utilities. Now we're down to $950 a month to pay for all of the other things I just mentioned. I moved out of the townhouse, moved in with my parents, borrowed a car from my father (my ex took the only car that was running) found people who would take care of my kids for free or almost free so I could work. My child support stayed at that amount until it legally ended when each of my girls graduated high school, no increase for cost of living, no extra allowance having girls and all the extra costs that come with puberty, but that's not the worst part. I actually went to see a lawyer when my girls were 10 and 13 to see about getting an increase. He told me it would not be worth it. It probably wouldn't go up, and it could go down. Why, you may ask. My ex got a $596 credit for the child he had with his now wife. By this time he probably had a much higher paying job. I say probably because he wouldn't reveal to me what he made, and I didn't have the money to take him to court to try to get the amount increased. Here's the kicker. Both our incomes are calculated to determine how much, but his wife's income did not come into the equation when considering his child credit. Sorry, that's effed up, and 9 times out of 10, it will be the single mom who gets the short end of the stick. Sounds like a man's world to me. I will guarantee someone will read this and say, "She just wants to punish men," "She's an angry feminist," but I'll guarantee if the tables were turned, men would be yelling and screaming about it. Wait, what am I saying? The tables would never be turned, and that's my point. I cannot believe that we are living in a world where women are dying because other people, mostly men, think they know what's best for a woman and her own body without knowing the situation or circumstances, nor trusting a doctor's trained medical opinion. There are no laws to govern men's bodies or health. If I wasn't living through it, and I was reading it as a novel, I would say, this is not believable. This would never happen. Women wouldn't stand for it, but guess what. Not only do a good portion remain silent, but there are just as many who actually voted for a person who is proud of leading the charge to take away women's rights. White women were the only group of women that had a higher percentage for Trump.
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