God, I Hope She Gets It!

It has been quite some time since I posted, over 2 months, almost 3. So much has happened in my little life, but today I am writing a post for someone. Tomorrow, my oldest daughter turns 26. This birthday is different. She is not here, and probably won't be for many birthdays to come. A little over a month ago she moved to New York City to follow her dream of being an actress. It came as no surprise when she told me she wanted to move to the big city. In fact I was a little surprised she waited as long as she did, but opportunity presented itself, and she jumped on it. On August 11th, at 6AM, she got into her rented car, packed to the brim and started on her journey, not just to another city, but another life. Being an actor is hard! It takes sacrifice and perseverance, and the willingness to be told, "No," over and over again, and bounce right back. I know because I wanted to be an actor. Well, I am an actor, but I wanted that to be my job. I let other things get in the way, not that I have any regrets, mind you. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I made choices, and I am happy with them. She has made one choice: TO BE AN ACTOR, first and foremost. The first serious step she took was moving to NYC, a step that would terrify me, but she is up there seeing theatre and hustling to auditions and picking up jobs and navigating the subway like a pro - this alone would do me in - and she's not only doing it she's loving it! I never did it. I played it safe, and I have to say I'm a little envious, a tiny bit surprised but most of all in awe of her determination and basic guts to be up there doing what she's doing every day. I told her a long time ago that she had to decide if she wanted to be famous or make her living as an actor because they were two different things. Sometimes they're both, but rarely. My wish for her on this birthday is that she continue to have the drive to go at it day after day, that she stay comfortable, but not too comfortable,  that she continue to grow as an actress and keep working and studying and learning by experience or class, and, most of all that she be happy wherever she is and whatever she chooses. Happy Birthday, little girl! Love, Mommy!

Sometimes You Just Have to Ask, "Why?"

Today is a sad day. Today the world has lost one of its finest young actors, Philip Seymour Hoffman. I say young because to me, he was. Only 46, 4 years younger than I, but really young in the fact that he had so much more to share with the world. An amazing talent, he began his career in 1991 at the age of 24. I first heard of his death when my daughter called me from college because she was hoping it was a hoax, and asked me if it was true. At this point, the wire services had already picked up the story, and his death had been confirmed. Being a budding actor herself, he was one of her favorites. He was also one of mine. He was definitely one of the most versatile actors of our time. Proof of this came to me when I went to IMDB to search for a film I had seen him in years ago, and as I looked at his body of work, I found myself thinking, "Oh, yeah, I forgot he was in that." Not to say that he was forgettable at all, but that he was so different in each role he brought to life that I certainly remembered the role, but had forgotten that he was the actor. I guess the first time I ever saw him was in Boogie Nights, a very interesting role in a very interesting movie. I've seen him in a myriad of roles since then running the gamut from the priest in Doubt to Ben Stiller's crazy friend in Along Came Polly, but one of my favorite roles of his was that of Rusty in a 1999 movie with Robert De Niro called Flawless. You may have never heard of it, but do yourself a favor and rent it. Hoffman plays a drag queen who is giving De Niro, a wounded cop, singing lessons as a form of physical therapy. The premise sounds humorous to say the least, but it has some extremely touching moments, and Hoffman's performance is nothing short of brilliant! I don't even know how I happened on it to begin with, but I am so glad I did. When I think of Philip Seymour Hoffman, I think of the words fearless, risk taker, bold, passionate and definitely talented, but he was obviously very private as well. You didn't hear a lot about his personal life. No one knows what drives us to do the things we do. He was definitely struggling, and it makes me so sad that yet another giant in the acting world has fallen prey to the monster of drug addiction. I am not passing judgement. I am simply asking, "Why?" I will never understand, and my heart is heavy at the loss of such a bright light who had the world in front of him. What wonderful performances could we have seen if we had not been deprived of another 30 years of his career?

An Addendum to My Previous Post

Since I wrote my New Year's post at 2:30 AM this morning, I am not surprised that I left something out. In the fall of 2013 my oldest went through a very challenging and stressful journey to play a dream role, Audrey in Little Shop of Horrors. Very few of us get to play dream roles and often when we get our dreams there is always something that tarnishes them. So was the case for her. But through it all she persevered and came out on top and gave a kick-ass performance in spite of all who tried to stand in her way. She proved to me through that experience that she has the drive to pursue this crazy dream of becoming an actor!