So Much More Than Music

Thirteen years ago I was single with two daughters, one in 5th grade, one in 2nd, and I was searching for a church. We had been well established in a church when I was with their father, but it just carried too much baggage to stay there after he left. I had tried another church for several years but found as time went on, it really didn't meet my needs or what I thought I wanted for my children, and so I began to search. If you've ever been on a church hunt, you know it feels a little like being Goldilocks. Some are too big. Some are too small. Some are too contemporary. Some are too traditional. It seems you will never find the one that is "just right." In 2003 I was working for a high school, and one of the teachers learned that I was looking for a church. She invited me to come with her and her husband to her church's Christmas Program. She knew I was a singer, and music was important to me. I went with her. We went to a Sunday afternoon performance, and the sanctuary was packed! The program was stellar from the voices, to the orchestra, to the beautifully lit poinsettia tree in the Baptistery that was carefully synced with the stage lighting design. I was so impressed, and you're probably thinking that here I would say that my church hunt had ended. It didn't. My first thought was, "they don't need me here." My search continued, but then one Sunday I decided to go back to the church where I had attended the Christmas program. I wanted to see what their worship service was like. If you've read this blog before, you know that I am a firm believer in signs. That day all my favorite hymns were sung. We were greeted by friendly people, but not smothered, as had happened in other churches. There was one thing that happened at this church that solidified my choice to start attending. After the service, the minister of music approached me to welcome me and invite me to choir. That act alone did not make my decision. He made a point to speak to both of my girls, children. They mattered to him just as much as I did. That told me that he was genuine and sincere. I showed up at choir shortly after that, and we have been at that church ever since then. The church was Derbyshire Baptist, and the man was David Schwoebel. We have been at Derbyshire since 2004, and my girls grew up participating in his music ministry. Notice that I didn't say choir. That's because it isn't just a choir. David has a true ministry at Derbyshire. He makes everyone feel welcome and valued. Valued was something I really needed to feel as a single mom who was struggling to find a place. David is beyond talented as a composer and musician, but it is his skill at relating to people that is humbling to watch. With his talent, he could be like so many others that rule their choir with condescension and an iron hand, but he doesn't. That's not to say that the choir is not disciplined. We are! But it's out of love and loyalty that we serve. He is my minister of music, but more than that, he is my friend. Truthfully, he has been there for my family for support in so many ways. This week he celebrates 20 years of service at Derbyshire. Happy Anniversary, David! Here's to 20 more!

With Each Day There Is Another Chance for Hope

Yesterday I wrote a post about the "monsters we have created." Today, as is often the case, I was lucky enough to witness something quite the opposite. This morning I got up at 7AM on a Saturday to travel up Route 64 to make it to Harrisonburg, VA, by 11AM to see a concert. Was it a rock star? No. My favorite Accapella group? No. It was a group of high school students, about 200 of them, and my daughter was among them. It was the Virginia All State Choir concert. Before my daughter left on Thursday for the 3 day rehearsal process, she gave me a copy of her schedule. It was grueling! The end product, though, was amazing! They were focused and created a beautiful, harmonious sound! They all had to go through a difficult audition to earn their place on that stage today. Before the concert began, one of the music faculty from the host high school addressed the very full auditorium. Coincidentally he had been a very active member of the youth group I co-lead about 20 years ago. He said something that lifted me out of the very despondent attitude I had yesterday. He talked about students who are in the creative arts, and how important it is that we provide support for those programs. He said that when you see the wonderful dedication that all of these students have to create something so special, it gives us all hope. And just like that, tears rolled down my cheeks, and that's exactly what I felt, hope and pride in the child I had raised and every student on that stage. Did it change anything that happened yesterday? No, but it did allow me to see that for all the bad in the world, there is also good.

Say Something.

When I started this blog almost 4 years ago, I didn't know what kind of writer I was. I didn't even know if I could write. And if I could, would anyone want to read it? To my surprise I have had many people tell me that they like my writing, and I am flattered to say the least, but I think there is a reason that my blog has met with approval and enjoyment by the reader. I decided when I started that I would not just write to be writing but that I would only write when inspired. Sometimes that inspiration has come out in the form of rants, sometimes humor, sometimes fond memories and tributes to those I love, but I always have something to say that means something to me and so, I assume, strikes a chord in others. This post will be no different.
It is no secret that I love music. I love to sing it! I love to listen to it, and play it, although I wish I was better at the latter. But music, whatever form it takes, can be so powerful! I have been moved to tears at its beauty, rocked out to it blaring out of my car speakers with the windows down, and used it to calm both of my girls when they were babies. Who doesn't feel a sense of longing when they hear Judy Garland sing those beautiful words, "If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow, why, oh, why can't I?" or terror when you hear those low strains of the cello slow at first and then faster and faster adding tympani as the shark is approaching? Years ago I saw the Disney film, Up. If you saw the film, you know where I am going, and right now, your mind is hearing that ragtime style piano, and your eyes are welling with tears. For those who have not seen it, the beginning of the film contains a montage of pictures underscored by Michael Giaccino's music. The montage spans a couple's life together, their highs and lows, and as all sweet love stories, it must come to an end. When I saw the film I cried like a baby, but later I was in the room when my girls were watching. I was faced away from the screen putting my make-up on, and I had to make them turn the film off because simply hearing the music was stirring up that sadness again, and I began to cry. Wimp that I am or glutton for punishment, whichever you prefer, I just pulled up that piece of music on YouTube to play while I am writing, and I had to take my glasses off because I am sitting here crying. All of this to say, music has IMMENSE power over us.

I was recently introduced to a new song by A Great Big World called Say Something. It is so simple but incredibly moving. It begins with the pounding of a single note on the piano, slowly chords are added and finally strings. Nothing grandiose, nothing driving, the melody by itself sounds lonely, but then the vocals begin, "Say something. I'm giving up on you." As the song goes on it tells a story. Like many great songs, it is about a relationship. This particular relationship is obviously one sided. One half has given up long ago, but the other half has been striving to fight enough for both, holding on with everything they have. This song speaks to the last desperate attempt of the fighter begging for a reason to stay because they just can't fight any longer without a shred of hope to cling to. "Say something." Give me a reason to stay. It is sad and beautiful in its desperation. I cannot express how much this song resonates with me. When my marriage first started to hit the rocks almost 16 years ago, I was that desperate 1/2 fighting to hold on to something, trying to keep the vessel afloat with only me to bail the water, finally drowning as it sank lower and lower and begging for a hand to reach and pull me out so that the marriage could be whole once more. This song describes exactly the way I felt then. And even though I don't want my marriage back it reminded me how very real the hurt was all those years ago. It also made me realize that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, or how much you give, it will never be enough because for a relationship to work, both people have to want it.
Music feeds our souls. It shows us who we are. It lifts us up when we are down and sometimes expresses, better than we ever could, our sorrow. And even if words fail me, music will always...say something.

I must have one of those dresses!

Day 3: WHITE CHRISTMAS
I have to say that I came to this one later in my life. I can't remember the first time I saw it, but I know I was in my mid to late 20's. I love the song White Christmas, and nobody sings it like Bing, but I had never seen the film. This has everything a movie musical could have. Great music, great dancing, beautiful costumes! Put together a powerhouse cast of Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, Rosemary Clooney and Vera Ellen, and how can you go wrong? There are no surprises here, it's your classic movie musical plot. Bing (Bob Wallace) and Danny (Phil Davis) meet while serving together in WWII. They form an entertainment partnership, along their travels they meet the Haynes sisters, Judy, played by Vera Ellen and Betty, played by Rosemary Clooney. The stars align and they end up traveling to an inn in Vermont where the Haynes sisters are booked for the Holidays. Instead of finding beautiful snow covered mountains when they step off the train, it's like springtime, and the inn, that just happens to be run by the boys' old army commanding general, is hurting for business. Now, if you are a movie musical fan, you know the solution to every problem is to put on a show, and that's just what they do. Add to that the classic boy gets girl, girl totally gets the wrong information about something boy does and boy loses girl, boy gets girl back scenario and some great dance and musical numbers, Sisters, The Best Things Happen When You're Dancing, Mandy, Count Your Blessings Instead of Sheep and Rosemary Clooney does an amazing job on Love, You didn't Do Right By Me, and you have White Christmas! It's not for everybody, but if you're a fan of anything I just mentioned above, you can't miss this one as part of your holiday tradition! Oh, and just to let you know, ever since I saw this film years ago, I have wanted a Christmas dress like the one the Haynes sisters wear in the final number. SIGH....someday!