Mothers Day in Quarantine!

My mom, and 2 girls May of 2019

It's midnight, and Mother's Day 2020 is over. This, I'm sure, has been like no other Mother's Day has ever been for many, and I among them. Restaurants that would have had full reservation books today for Brunch and Beyond sat silent. Parks that would have held picnics and parties lay still. College Graduations that some typically hold on Mother's Day with stadiums or arenas full sat empty. No church service remembering our mother's who have passed and honoring our Mothers who are with us. Many older Mothers who live in elder care facilities, including my own, in isolation, not allowed to have visitors from the outside. No BIG celebrations today. Just typing that phrase made me think of a quote from a book we all know, "Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. Maybe, Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more." In this case, Mother's Day is Christmas, and Corona Virus or COVID-19 is The Grinch. Everything we have gotten used to to celebrate has been taken away. All of the things mentioned above were absent today, but what can't be taken away is what we are learning from this experience. I have not seen my mother since the beginning of March. She, praise God, is still healthy, and the facility where she resides is doing everything they can to keep their residents safe, but it has been really weird to not be able to see her. We have had a really hard time with getting her to understand the technology so we can face time. Before all of this happened, when I would get really busy, I had a really bad habit of saying to my self, "I'll go next week, when things have slowed down." Then next week turned into two or three more weeks. I did see her for a very long visit just before they stopped outside visitors, but who knew that would last over 2 months and counting. Don't get me wrong. I am not about regret, but I am all about learning lessons when they are presented. We never know when we'll get the chance to see someone again. At the very least, when all this is over, My mom and I are going to have an electronics seminar so even when I do get busy, and I can't physically make it across town, I can still see her. How many people today who are lucky enough to be with their Mom sat down to a wonderful meal that everybody pitched in on? I just envision Mothers and daughters standing in the kitchen side by side cooking and laughing instead of sitting in a crowded waiting area waiting for their name to be called in an over-crowded, noisy restaurant. I'm not bashing restaurants! I love restaurants! In fact we ordered in today, but maybe people needed togetherness at home today. I guess if I want to take anything away from this weird time we are going through, it's togetherness. I know that I have always adored my 2 girls. To steal a line from Rory Gilmore, "My mother and I are freakishly linked." Some people may say that about me and my girls. We are still very close, and they are 24 and 27. I live with one, and the other has been here from NYC since March 22nd, and we are still getting along really well. We've had a few ruffles, but all in all, it's been pretty smooth sailing. That, my friends, is a true blessing. Today, I was treated to breakfast in bed, and a wonderful dinner, and we all took a ride to deliver Krispy Kreme donuts to my Mom with taped polaroids on top of the box, and we took a walk, and binge-watched Dead to Me on Netflix. But this isn't behavior that happens only today. I am treated pretty wonderful every day of the year. I have been a single Mom since 1998. I am still a single Mom, and they make sure I am taken care of, and I couldn't ask for a better gift on Mother's Day or any day for that matter. I have not always been the best Mom, I'm sure, but I have always tried my best, and I think my girls know that. They certainly know I love them. I love them enough to be honest with them even when it's hard. I love them enough to praise them when they have earned it, and not just tell them what I think they want to hear. I love them enough to trust them to do the right thing and make the right choices, and I love them enough to learn from them. Love, friends, is messy. It's not all fluff and warm fuzzies. But hopefully through all the mess you find the treasure. I know I have. Happy Mother's Day!

Another Kind of Mother

In about 20 minutes Mother's Day will be over. I have had a wonderful day filled with precious time with my youngest and reading lovely tributes that brought tears to my eyes from my oldest away at college, but this post is not about my role as a Mother. It is about someone else's. Over the past two years I have had the incredible fortune to be able to work pretty consistently as an actress. This is wonderful, but it comes at a price. When you work as an actor, you do not have the luxury of taking a vacation day to do something you need to or be at a family event, or, in my case, attend a concert or two of my daughter's or be at a first year college orientation. Luckily I have been blessed in my life with someone who was more than willing to step in as my substitute. I have to be honest, it's hard to give up that spot, even harder for me because I am a single mom. My kids are all I've got and I don't really have to share them with anyone, especially as they have gotten older. I also have their full support in my acting endeavors which makes it a little bit easier, but I do mean just a little bit. In the past 2 years, this person has stepped up to be the "mother" for my girls at college orientation, district choir, Fall and Holiday concerts, and she was even there for my youngest's first official date, all while I was on stage entertaining people. My girls love her dearly and she them, and there is not anything she would not do for them. That woman is my sister. SO today, on Mother's Day, I want to say Thank You for being the mother for my girls when I couldn't be. They appreciate it, and so do I, more than you will ever know!

Something I Almost Missed

When I was a teenager I never did the babysitting thing. If people I knew had new babies I never wanted to hold them. I didn't work in the nursery at church or help with the little kids Sunday school classes. I just didn't have any desire to be around children. I really thought I would never have kids. It just wasn't my thing. In fact before I was married I considered taking care of things permanently to never have children. I didn't take that step, thank God! I waited a while after I was married, almost 10 years, but I did finally actually want a child. I'm not sure if I've ever shared this before here, but I lost my first baby to a miscarriage, but luckily I did get pregnant again and about 40 weeks later I had a little girl, then 3 1/2 years after that another little girl. The teenager who didn't want any children was now a woman in her early 30's with 2. In 1992 and then again in 1996 I became a mother. Then, as life does sometimes, I was thrown a curve ball, and in 1998 I became a single mother. This thing that I started out never wanting to do at all I was now doing alone. Today is Mother's Day. A day set aside to honor those who gave us life, but this post is about honoring those who gave me a life worth living. Being a parent is hard work. Don't ever let anyone tell you anything different. It is the most important job in the world because, in essence, you hold the future in your hands. The  people you create and bring into this world will watch and learn from you. They'll pattern their behaviors after what they've seen you do. They'll treat people the way you raise them to, and they'll value and love themselves only if you treat them as valued and loved. You never stop being a parent. It is a tireless job 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, but I would not trade it for anything! I am not rich. I do not have a high paying corporate job. I do not have a beach house in Malibu. In fact I haven't taken a real vacation in almost 10 years. Some people would look at those statistics and pity how unsuccessful I am at 50, but they would be so wrong. I have something so much more than material success. I have raised two amazing daughters, daughters that I know will make their mark in the world! Hell, they already have by the way they treat people in their everyday lives and the impact they have had on everyone they come in contact with. They are my legacy. They are my success! I have poured everything I am into being the best Mom and Dad that I can be. Am I the perfect parent? No, I have made tons of mistakes along the way, but I try to admit them and move on. I could not ask for a better relationship with both of my girls. We talk. Nothing fancy or ground shaking here. We talk. I treat them like people, and have always been honest with them and valued their input and opinions on whatever level they could offer them. More times than I can count they were teaching me something rather than the other way around. And as they continue through life and maybe become mothers themselves one day I pray that they will have the same awesome experience they have given me. I will be forever grateful for the privilege and honor of being their Mom and thrilled that life didn't work out the way I had originally planned.

I didn't always want to be a mom. When I was growing up, I never babysat, I never wanted to hold people's babies. It just wasn't my thing. When I met the person who would become my husband, we even talked about one of us making the decision to have surgery so we couldn't have children. I am so glad we didn't make that decision. I was married for about 8 years, and something happened I can't explain. A feeling just came over me. I wanted a baby. We started trying, and it took almost a year for us to get pregnant. We were so excited! We told everyone right away, and then at about 12 weeks, I lost that child. Losing a child before it's born is a very different thing. It's the death of a dream, a plan, a future. We were told that we could try again almost immediately, and 3 months later I got pregnant again. 40 weeks later, I had a beautiful baby girl. She was amazing, and being a mother was amazing! It's a role I'd never planned on playing, but one I'm so glad I took on. 3 1/2 years later my second little girl came into the world. It is no secret to anyone who reads this blog that I have spent most of their lives as a single mom. Not what I planned, but I am so glad that I have had them to make this journey with . They are not just my daughters, they are my friends. They love me, and they let me know it. No, it's not all sunshine and roses, but nothing worth having is. They are now 15 and 18, and one will graduate in 5 short weeks. She is starting on a new path that she will forge alone, but she will always have a part of me with her. Both of them know that I am there for them no matter what, and that they can always count on me. I could not ask for better children if I had written down every quality I wanted and handed it to God myself. So on this day to honor Mothers, I want to thank those two wonderful young women, and tell them that I am honored to have been picked to be their Mom.