Yesterday was an anniversary of mine that I did not realize until I got on Facebook in the afternoon. 15 years ago on July 30th, 1998, principal photography was completed on an independent feature film called "When Love Walks In". Why is that important to me, you ask? Because I was in that feature film. I can't believe for as long as I've had this blog that I've never written about this experience before. It all began, for me, in the summer of 1997. I was doing a production of "City of Angels" at Dogwood Dell, an amphitheater here in Richmond. I met a new actress in the cast named Katie, and we became friends. She was just getting in on the beginnings of an independent feature film with a friend she had worked with in the past. He was writing and producing the film, and his brother was directing. They were still looking for an actress to play the role of her mother, and Katie asked if I was interested, and so it began. After several meetings with producer and casting and re-casting the roles in the film, because of conflicts, we finally began shooting in the Spring of 1998. This was bare bones film making at its finest. Kent Williamson, the producer/writer, had a full time job, and so did most of the crew and actors in the film, so we were shooting on vacation time, two weeks in the early spring, and then two weeks in the middle of July. It was definitely a family affair. The shoot was in Kent's hometown of Charlottesville, VA, just about an hour's drive from me, so housing was provided for me, and by housing, I mean I stayed in the spare bedroom of Kent's family home. Kent's mother and wife were craft services. In film and television production that is who provides your food while on set. We were fed VERY well. :) My costumes were all my own clothes coordinated with a costumer, and I did my own hair and make-up. Now, it may sound like I'm trying to paint a drab picture. I'm not! I just want you to get the Hollywood version of filming with star trailers and make-up chairs and wardrobe rooms, out of your head. Prior to filming, the cast had met for some read-thrus and discussion, so I had been to the Williamson house before, and when it came time to make the trip, I knew the drive well. I drove up the night before because shooting was supposed to begin very early the following day. Before embarking on this journey, the only experience I had had in film was standing in the background on my high school campus while a local show shot a promo. Saying I was nervous would be an extreme understatement. I rose early and went to the "set", a house of a friend of Kent's who agreed to let us use it for filming the exteriors and interiors of my character, Nora Machiavelli's house. At the time of filming I was 34 years old. I had spent the last 24 years as a stage actress. That may not mean a lot to most of you, but ask the crew what it meant to them the first day of shooting. The scene we were filming was one where Nora's ring had gotten caught on the garbage disposal blades as she was trying to unclog it. They set up the shot, a much longer process than I ever imagined, and we were doing our first take. I knew my lines, and I began. The crew was outside shooting through the kitchen window with sound and the boom (the big microphone they hold over the actor's heads) operator was inside the kitchen with me. It was just me, and all my lines were spoken into the phone as I was supposed to be talking to my daughter. "Cut!" the director yelled. Brad Williamson, Kent's brother was the director. Brad came over to me. "That was really great, but we need you to be a little quieter in the next take." Being on the stage, I was used to PROJECTING, not thinking about the fact that there's a very powerful microphone just over my head. Take 2. "Cut!" "That was really good, but you keep moving out of the shot." Again, my stage training had groomed me to be bigger than life, and we were shooting real life. When you watch a television show or a movie, you don't think about how small the space is the actors are working in. My space for this particular scene was as big as the window. We finally got the "garbage disposal" scene shot, and we were moving on. The afternoon we were shooting me forging my daughter's signature on a letter. Just a shot of my hands signing her name, Annelise Machiavelli. 17 takes. Don't ask! I spent most of my first night in that spare bedroom rethinking what I'd dreamed of being since I was 3, a movie star. This is not at all what I thought it would be. I don't like this, and worse yet, I'm bad at it. If you knew me, you'd know how much that last phrase was devastating to me, but I stuck with it, and thanks to the EXTREME patience of the director and crew, by the end of the Spring shoot, I had learned how to act for the camera, and better yet I learned to appreciate the differences from stage acting. You can't be subtle on the stage. You can't whisper. No one can see a tear rolling down your cheek. The spring shoot wrapped, and I would put "When Love Walks In" out of my mind until summer.
The shooting schedule was to begin in mid July. I was walking into the summer shoot a whole different person, emotionally and physically. I had lost about 50 lbs. The cause for the weight loss was also the cause for my emotional change. 2 weeks prior to shooting, I had come home from a trip to an empty house, and my husband of 15 years was gone, leaving me and our two small children with nothing. A lot of people in my life at the time could not believe that I was going to finish shooting the film. Well, those people don't know me very well. First of all, I would have never done that to Kent and Brad and the crew. It costs a huge amount of money to film, and to have to scrap all of my footage from the spring and recast would have been a huge setback to the production. Secondly, when I start something, I finish it. I wasn't walking out. Writing this just now, I realize the cruel irony in that. If you've heard anything about filming, you probably know that scenes are not shot chronologically. I'm pretty sure that at least one part of a scene we shot at dinner in the living room was the heavier me, and when I walk into the kitchen that in reality is supposed to be a split second later, I am 50 lbs. lighter. Needless to say, there was a lot of Spring footage of me that ended up on the cutting room floor. It is, however, preserved on the DVD as deleted scenes. The summer shoot meant more to me than I can tell you. As an actor many times you use tragedy in your life to fuel your performance. I had a tanker full. I was surrounded by supporting, loving people, and let's face it, it was a distraction from the reeling hell my life had just turned into. Thank you, Kent and Brad and Karen and all the crew for saving me that summer and letting me laugh and cry.
Fast forward to 2005. When actors make a film of any type, often times they never see their work, and certainly not immediately, unless they watch something called "dailies" where they see the raw footage shot during the day. I had never seen anything but a trailer that had been put together from different clips of the film.
Because this was an independent film, shot and financed, post production took 7 years. I had never seen the finished product. Imagine my shock when Kent called me and told me that the film had been submitted to the Bare Bones International Independent Film Festival in Oklahoma and had received several nominations, including one for me for Best Actress in a Feature Film. This was an amazing moment for me. I decided, no matter what, I was going to that festival. I ended up winning, and in my acceptance speech I said that as actors we say it's about the love of what we do, and it is, but is sure is nice when someone recognizes the hard work you put into something and honors you for it. That summer of '98 brought a lot of things into my life, mostly bad, but filming When Love Walks In with Paladin Pictures, Kent's production company, was a bright spot that brought me more than I could have ever asked for in knowledge and experience, but mostly in making that 3 year old little girl's dream a reality.
Random thoughts, feelings, emotions, rants....and anything else that comes to mind.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
"The consequences of an act affect the probability of it's occurring again." ~ B. F. Skinner
I received an email the other day from a longtime friend who regularly reads my blog posts. She said in the email that she was surprised that she had not seen a post from me about the Zimmerman verdict. When the verdict was released, I thought about writing a post. It would have been a knee-jerk reaction post. I remember how shocked I was almost 18 months ago when this actually happened. I changed my profile picture on Facebook to Trayvon's picture to bring awareness and in memoriam for a young life lost senselessly on February 26, 2012. I remember the news items that came out after the shooting, and I was amazed that George Zimmerman was not arrested and charged. As is the case with most stories like this, the media grabs on and will not let go, and most of what we see and hear is exactly what the media wants us to see and hear. They try to shape our opinions and form our thoughts, and most of the time, albeit probably subconsciously, we let them. How many of us really try to read the details of exactly what happens? How many of us make a snap judgement because of a sensational headline we read on our newsfeed or a 15 second sound byte from a reporter on television? Do we really delve into the facts of the case? Originally George Zimmerman was released for lack of evidence. Then the media stirred the racism pot, and 6 weeks later he was arrested for murder. Was George Zimmerman a racist? I don't know. Did he go out that night with the intention of finding a young black man to kill him? I don't know. What do I know? George Zimmerman shot and killed Trayvon Martin. What I don't know is exactly what happened that led to that event. Only two people know that, and one of them is dead. From reading the accounts of what happened that night and listening to the 911 calls, this is what I think. George Zimmerman acted irresponsibly out of fear and frustration and a little bit of power gone to his head, no pun intended. There had been break-ins in Zimmerman's gated community, and because of this the neighborhood thought it would be a good idea to form a neighborhood watch group. Sounds reasonable, right? George Zimmerman was elected by his neighbor's to be the coordinator of the program. On the night of the shooting Zimmerman was not on patrol. He was actually running an errand and saw Trayvon and felt he was suspicious looking. He called the NON-emergency Police number and reported his observations. While on the phone with the dispatcher, he says that the man is running. When asked if he is following him, Zimmerman replies yes, and the dispatcher says "we don't need you to do that." Zimmerman answers with "okay" The call ended at 7:15PM. By 7:17PM, Police arrived on the scene and Trayvon had already been shot. What happened in those 2 minutes? Zimmerman says Trayvon confronted him, and after an altercation he shot Trayvon in self defense. Eyewitnesses do say they saw the "fight", but no one seems to give an account of what started the fight. There is testimony of Trayvon making a call to a friend expressing concern over someone following him. Apparently, the friend tells him to run to where he is staying. The "running" is what seemed to start the wheels in motion for Zimmerman. Zimmerman also gave a statement that Trayvon had circled his car, and that he had put the window up to avoid confrontation. If that was the case, why did he get out of the car to chase Trayvon while he was running? Why didn't he just stay in his car and wait for police? Here's what I think happened: George Zimmerman was extremely frustrated about the state of his neighborhood. In the span of a little over a year, police had been called to the gated community 402 times, that averages out to more than once a day. The neighbors are concerned and more than that, they are afraid. They want to feel safe, and so they decide to elect George Zimmerman to coordinate a Neighborhood watch program. My guess would be that Zimmerman took this job seriously, maybe a little too seriously. I think that night that he was running his errand in the rain, and saw someone he didn't know in his neighborhood, he decided to be the hero. I'll catch this one, he's thinking, and so he follows him, observing his "suspicious" behavior. Did he follow him because he was black? No, I don't think so. It was dark and raining, I doubt he could even tell his race from the car. From Trayvon's perspective, he's walking home in the rain from a convenience store in a neighborhood where he is a guest, not familiar to the locals. Testimony was given that he was on his phone with a friend and that he noticed that this "creepy ass cracker" was following him. She told him to run to the townhouse where he was staying. I don't know about you, but if I were a 17 year old boy and a grown man was following me in a car, I would run too. Unfortunately, that's all Zimmerman needed to assume Trayvon was guilty of something, and he was going to do his duty, and get this "asshole that always gets away" Even though he was told not to pursue him, Zimmerman did, and he had a gun. When the two came face to face, I'm sure they did fight. If I were Trayvon, I would try to beat up some creepy guy who had been following me, and now was right in front of me. Zimmerman had no legal authority to do anything to Trayvon, but report what he thought was going on, and let the police handle it. That was the problem. He made a choice to take on the role of cop for a day, and then things got terribly out of hand. He put himself in a situation he was not trained to handle, and he ended up shooting and killing a 17 year old boy that was a visitor to his community. Welcome to the neighborhood.
I am not a legal expert. I was not in the courtroom to listen to the trial each day, and I do not know the intricacies of Florida law. Do I think the jury was wrong? No. What we seem to forget is one tiny little phrase, "beyond a reasonable doubt" If I was on the jury, would I have voted guilty? I don't know because I wasn't there. I didn't hear what they heard. I didn't see what they saw, and that's just the point. I've never even served on a jury for a traffic ticket, let alone a high profile murder case like this one. I cannot imagine the responsibility! I keep thinking of the movie 12 Angry Men. If you haven't seen it, rent it, and watch it. It will change the way you feel about the justice system and juries in general.
Do I think George Zimmerman shot Trayvon because he was afraid for his life? Yes, I do, but I still think he should have been held accountable for taking another life because he set all the wheels in motion that put him in that situation of feeling like he had to use "lethal force" to protect himself. To me it's like someone picking a fight with me, and then because I'm kicking their ass, they shoot me. Not really a fair fight, is it? Trayvon was not committing a crime. He did not deserve to die because an over zealous guy with a gun thought he was up to no good. We know he shot Trayvon, we have the weapon he used. His actions led to the altercation which led to a death. How can we say he is not responsible? How does he not suffer any consequences? A lawyer friend of mine said it best, "If he broke the law, he should be punished. If he didn't, they [Florida] need better laws."
I am not a legal expert. I was not in the courtroom to listen to the trial each day, and I do not know the intricacies of Florida law. Do I think the jury was wrong? No. What we seem to forget is one tiny little phrase, "beyond a reasonable doubt" If I was on the jury, would I have voted guilty? I don't know because I wasn't there. I didn't hear what they heard. I didn't see what they saw, and that's just the point. I've never even served on a jury for a traffic ticket, let alone a high profile murder case like this one. I cannot imagine the responsibility! I keep thinking of the movie 12 Angry Men. If you haven't seen it, rent it, and watch it. It will change the way you feel about the justice system and juries in general.
Do I think George Zimmerman shot Trayvon because he was afraid for his life? Yes, I do, but I still think he should have been held accountable for taking another life because he set all the wheels in motion that put him in that situation of feeling like he had to use "lethal force" to protect himself. To me it's like someone picking a fight with me, and then because I'm kicking their ass, they shoot me. Not really a fair fight, is it? Trayvon was not committing a crime. He did not deserve to die because an over zealous guy with a gun thought he was up to no good. We know he shot Trayvon, we have the weapon he used. His actions led to the altercation which led to a death. How can we say he is not responsible? How does he not suffer any consequences? A lawyer friend of mine said it best, "If he broke the law, he should be punished. If he didn't, they [Florida] need better laws."
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