A Hug Emoji is Not Enough!

Once again, I am up late, night owl that I am, and I have been running through all kinds of posts on social media, tonight mostly Instagram. As you can imagine, most people's feeds and stories are filled with posts about George Floyd, and the protests and riots that have resulted from him being murdered by a white policeman. I have waited a while to write about this, because I truthfully do not know what to say. Here's the sad thing. This is nothing new. I remember sitting in my apartment in September of 1992, 9 months pregnant with my first child, watching the riots being filmed and broadcast after the Rodney King verdict was released. I couldn't believe what I was seeing! I was born in 1963, so I lived through the civil rights movement, but I was really to young to realize what was going on around me. 1992 was really the first time I saw what was going on with my own two eyes. It was so scary to me. I watched film footage of two black men going up to the cab of an 18-wheeler, opening the door and pulling the white driver out and beating him with baseball bats. I was shocked. I remember thinking, "I'm glad that's not here." But you know what else I did?...NOTHING. That was the first real event involving race that I really remember. Fast forward to 2012, and the murder of Trayvon Martin. Oh, you'll be so proud of me. I posted on Facebook about his death. I changed my profile picture to his image. I even wrote a blog post about what I thought when the verdict came down. You know what else I did?....NOTHING. Then I watched the video posted of the policeman who shot and murdered Philando Castile in 2017 (ironically also in Minnesota). This time I was very distraught. I truthfully could not believe what I was seeing. I wrote a blog post then, too. Don't worry. This one even had a tone of anger and outrage! I try to look at things logically. I try to see both sides. There is nothing worse than blabbing on and on when you don't know what you're talking about. In my opinion, you do more harm to the cause than good. This was the first time, and I am ashamed to say it, that I really saw what I didn't want to see. I didn't want to believe that this was happening. So you know what else I did?....NOTHING. I have scrolled through Facebook, and I have seen posts from my black friends and colleagues about how much they are hurting, and I started to hover, and use the "Hug Emoji, " and then I thought to myself, "Are you kidding?!? A hug Emoji? It's so trite! It's meaningless. I cannot even pretend to know what is going through any black person's mind right now, and trying to pretend that I know or can feel what they are going through is just BULLSHIT! It's not about me! I'm white. And this has nothing to do with guilt. I'm not apologizing for being white. I can't change the color of my skin anymore than a black person can change the color of theirs. What I am saying, and please hear me. I have no idea what it is like to be you. I would not even begin to say I can relate. I cannot. But I know that this cannot go on, and it needs to stop, and I want to be part of the solution, not the problem. Something has got to change. Do you know why there is a hashtag and phrasing everywhere that says black lives matter? It's because over and over this nation has proven that they don't. Sorry, plain and simple. I don't have to say white lives matter because I have never been shown that they don't. When I began this post, I looked up whether the officer who murdered Philando Castile was convicted. He wasn't. I cannot believe that any jury member who watched that video could have done anything else but convict. When I was raising my girls, and they would do something to hurt my feelings, or each others, they would always say they were sorry. My response to them was. Don't tell me you're sorry. Words mean nothing. Show me you're sorry. Change your behavior so I know that your words mean something. We can hug emoji, and hashtag all we want. We can post and say how outraged we are, and it means NOTHING! unless we change the way we act. No Justice! No Peace! Know justice! Know peace!

Mothers Day in Quarantine!

My mom, and 2 girls May of 2019

It's midnight, and Mother's Day 2020 is over. This, I'm sure, has been like no other Mother's Day has ever been for many, and I among them. Restaurants that would have had full reservation books today for Brunch and Beyond sat silent. Parks that would have held picnics and parties lay still. College Graduations that some typically hold on Mother's Day with stadiums or arenas full sat empty. No church service remembering our mother's who have passed and honoring our Mothers who are with us. Many older Mothers who live in elder care facilities, including my own, in isolation, not allowed to have visitors from the outside. No BIG celebrations today. Just typing that phrase made me think of a quote from a book we all know, "Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. Maybe, Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more." In this case, Mother's Day is Christmas, and Corona Virus or COVID-19 is The Grinch. Everything we have gotten used to to celebrate has been taken away. All of the things mentioned above were absent today, but what can't be taken away is what we are learning from this experience. I have not seen my mother since the beginning of March. She, praise God, is still healthy, and the facility where she resides is doing everything they can to keep their residents safe, but it has been really weird to not be able to see her. We have had a really hard time with getting her to understand the technology so we can face time. Before all of this happened, when I would get really busy, I had a really bad habit of saying to my self, "I'll go next week, when things have slowed down." Then next week turned into two or three more weeks. I did see her for a very long visit just before they stopped outside visitors, but who knew that would last over 2 months and counting. Don't get me wrong. I am not about regret, but I am all about learning lessons when they are presented. We never know when we'll get the chance to see someone again. At the very least, when all this is over, My mom and I are going to have an electronics seminar so even when I do get busy, and I can't physically make it across town, I can still see her. How many people today who are lucky enough to be with their Mom sat down to a wonderful meal that everybody pitched in on? I just envision Mothers and daughters standing in the kitchen side by side cooking and laughing instead of sitting in a crowded waiting area waiting for their name to be called in an over-crowded, noisy restaurant. I'm not bashing restaurants! I love restaurants! In fact we ordered in today, but maybe people needed togetherness at home today. I guess if I want to take anything away from this weird time we are going through, it's togetherness. I know that I have always adored my 2 girls. To steal a line from Rory Gilmore, "My mother and I are freakishly linked." Some people may say that about me and my girls. We are still very close, and they are 24 and 27. I live with one, and the other has been here from NYC since March 22nd, and we are still getting along really well. We've had a few ruffles, but all in all, it's been pretty smooth sailing. That, my friends, is a true blessing. Today, I was treated to breakfast in bed, and a wonderful dinner, and we all took a ride to deliver Krispy Kreme donuts to my Mom with taped polaroids on top of the box, and we took a walk, and binge-watched Dead to Me on Netflix. But this isn't behavior that happens only today. I am treated pretty wonderful every day of the year. I have been a single Mom since 1998. I am still a single Mom, and they make sure I am taken care of, and I couldn't ask for a better gift on Mother's Day or any day for that matter. I have not always been the best Mom, I'm sure, but I have always tried my best, and I think my girls know that. They certainly know I love them. I love them enough to be honest with them even when it's hard. I love them enough to praise them when they have earned it, and not just tell them what I think they want to hear. I love them enough to trust them to do the right thing and make the right choices, and I love them enough to learn from them. Love, friends, is messy. It's not all fluff and warm fuzzies. But hopefully through all the mess you find the treasure. I know I have. Happy Mother's Day!

It Takes a Big Heart to Help Shape Little Minds

Today marks the end of Teacher Appreciation Week. I am sure, without a doubt, that this year has been the most challenging in any teacher's career. What we are going through in the education system is unprecedented. This blog post, though, is a particular shout out to one particular teacher, and, no, it isn't one of my teachers, although I could blog about many I have had. This is about the teacher that lives in my house with me. This school year, 2019/2020, was my daughter's first year as a teacher in the 2 year old class at her Dayschool. She has done an amazing job this year from the beginning in the way she made her room visually exciting (Most of the decorations were created and drawn by her), the clever crafts she did with her class of 8 2 year olds, and most importantly the love she shows each child every day. Teaching a 2 year old is not an easy job, and it is not for the faint of heart. If you are a parent, think back to the days when your child was 2 and walking and everything they were getting into, and, oh yes, potty training. Now imagine you have 8 of those little munchkins! Yeah, I thought so. I'm not saying there aren't days that are super hard for Georgi and nothing seems to go right, but she's there for those kids every day. When all of this Corona Virus stuff hit, it was a real game changer. The school closed, but the teachers still needed to provide something for their classes. That's a little bit easier if you have a child older than 2. Long distance or remote learning makes a little more sense. Two's thrive on hugs and movement and face to face contact. Georgi stepped up to the plate and poured through Youtube videos of songs to match her theme for the week, made up Grab Bags with materials and ideas for the parents to do with their children while everyone was at home. She sent out dance party suggestions, and even had me guest star on a video link to Youtube as Mother Goose on her week about Nursery Rhymes. She cares deeply for each child. Even if she wasn't my daughter, I would be thrilled if she were teaching my child or grandchild. It's a hard thing to let go of that precious cargo and trust someone else to take care of them. Georgi earns that trust every day! She dries tears, and fixes boo-boos, acts silly, and yes, also teaches them how to be decent little humans because that's part of loving too! These 8 little people will grow into some great students, but better yet kind people, and if they don't it won't be because they didn't have a great foundation. Happy Teacher Appreciation Week, Georgi. You deserve so much more than thanks!