Give Thanks with a Grateful Heart

It is 8 AM, and I am sitting on a kitchen barstool watching the ocean waves roll into the shore from my view at the house we are staying in at the Outer Banks. I am here with my family, (daughters, niece, sister, brother-in-law, and mom) for the Holiday until Sunday. This stay was a gift, from my sister and brother-in-law to my mother for her birthday last May. I haven't spent Thanksgiving with my MY whole family since I can't remember when. One of the arrangements of my divorce agreement was that my girls would spend Thanksgiving with their father, but they would always spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with me. The fact that they are with me, is more than enough to be thankful for, but to be here in this lovely home, looking at the beuty of the ocean is like winning the Thanksgiving lottery.
I am especially glad that we are all together this year, because after this year, things will be different. My oldest is a senior in high school, and next year she will be in college. Thanksgiving will mean something different next year. My plans will center around her homecoming.
I am especially thankful for this wonderful gift because it affords me the freedom of just relaxing. Something I haven't done in QUITE some time. My life is filled with rushing here and there, being in this place by that time. I don't take the time very often to just stop. Stop to realize just how much I have to be thankful for.
The house we are staying in is right on the beach. Last night as we finished dinner, the moon had risen up over the ocean. We went out on the deck to look at it. The picture was amazing! The light of the moon cast this beautiful shimmering band across the water. The sky was clear except for a few thin clouds around the moon. It was the kind of thing you look at, and you think that it can't be real, that all of a sudden, someone will yell, "CUT" and they will roll the backdrop away. But it was real, and it made me stop and just think about how lovely the world really is if I would just STOP and notice once in a while.
I am so blessed. We all are, but we let life sweep us away with the mad dash of our schedules, and work, and "Carrot Cakes", okay that last one was for me, and we don't take the time to notice, let alone give thanks. There is a scene in the movie, The Blindside, where "Big Mike" has been invited to stay with the Tuohy family for Thanksgiving. The entire family is watching the "Big Game" and Leanne calls the family in when the spread is set. They all rush in, grab a plate and rush back to the sofa to continue to watch the game, all except for "Mike". Leanne looks in her dining room and sees Mike sitting at the table eating alone. She, of course, promptly calls all the rest of the family in to eat with their guest. The Tuohys who have everything, are a lot like many of us, certainly thankful, but in a rush, not sitting down to take the time. Mike, who has NOTHING isn't taking the huge meal or the fact that he is not alone for granted. Be Mike today. Take the time to enjoy all the things you have in your life and be thankful. It IS called THANKSgiving.

When Love Walked In

About this time 21 years ago I was basking in the afterglow of a wonderful exciting experience. It all began when I was doing a show at Dogwood Dell called City of Angels. I met a talented actress named Katie McCall, and we became fast friends. She told me that she was involved in an independent filming project. A friend of hers was shooting his first feature film, and he was looking for someone to play her quirky mother, was I interested? Of course I was! One Saturday she and I drove up to Charlottesville to read through the screenplay. I was in. I was so excited! I had never done any camera work, let alone a film. Before it was all said and done we went through several cast changes before our first day of shooting. Because of conflicts Katie was not able to play my daughter, but a cast was assembled, and in a mild week in the spring of 1998 I traveled up Route 64 to a suburb of Charlottesville to start shooting. If you don't know anything about making a film, it's very expensive! As I said, this was an independent film. The filmmakers were spending all of their own money to make the film. No big studio budget to spend. Everyone involved was working for free, including me. It was a real family operation. The producer was also starring in the film. He and his brother were co-directing. His 3 year old daughter was playing his daughter, and he and his wife put me up in their home for the week of shooting. His Mom and Dad and wife were Kraft services and provided all the cast and crew's meals. They didn't really know me at all, but they welcomed me and made me feel like one of the family too. I learned so much in that week! And they were incredibly patient with this Stage actress. I'm pretty sure I deafened the sound guy with my projection and my over the top style kept moving out of the shot, but by the end of the week I learned to be subtle and act for the camera. We finished the week, and knew we would all be back in July to wrap it up. The week in July actually ended up being a lifesaving distraction for me as my marriage of 15+ years had just ended weeks before. We wrapped on a humid July night. I would not even see the film until 10 years later. Remember, I said it was independent. A whirlwind of activity surrounded my 10 year reunion with the film. It had been accepted to the Bare Bones International Independent Film Festival, and it was nominated for several awards including a nod for me as Best Actress. I flew out to Muskogee,OK to screen the film and attend the awards with the brothers. I ended up winning. It was a dream realized for this actress. I got to experience all of this because of one man, Kent Williamson. I found out quite by accident last night through Facebook that Kent was tragically killed in a car accident last Friday along with 3 of his family members. A drunk driver ran a stop sign, and Kent and his family all died at the scene. He reached so many with his films. The film I was lucky enough to be in was called When Love Walks In. Ironically, the film deals with a man, Kent, who loses his wife to a car accident, and it follows his journey through grief as he tries to raise his 3 year old daughter alone. I have been told that grief counselors use the film to illustrate all the stages of grief to their clients. My heart aches for this family whose amazing love and faith will sustain them through this terrible, terrible tragedy. Their love walked into my life at just the time I needed it, and I will never forget that experience for the rest of my days. Rest in Peace, Kent Williamson. You have left a legacy for generations to come. You are not truly gone as you will live on in your art and in the hearts of everyone you touched.

Eating less Chikin

So, I know this one is going to get me in hot water, but here goes. Yesterday, August 1st, was "Support Chick-Fil-A Day" This was decreed by Mike Huckabee in response to the call to boycott the restaurant chain after Dan Cathy, president and COO, made some statements in a radio interview about "traditional" marriage. People swarmed to the restaurant yesterday in droves to show their support. Well, this girl wasn't in the Drive-thru line yesterday, and let me tell you why. First of all, I'm going on record right now as saying, I love God! I love Jesus! I believe as a member of the group called Christians, that God and Jesus love me, and that Jesus is the Son of God, and he was crucified and died on the cross to save me from my sins, so put away your pitchforks and torches. I hesitated typing the word "Christian" because those zealots from Westboro Baptist Church also call themselves "Christian," and I am definitely not in the same group as them! Many of my friends were at Chick-Fil-A yesterday, and that was their choice and their right to spend their money the way they see fit. I do not condemn them for attending, I'm sure, what they thought was a stand for Christianity. I'm not sure how much money was made yesterday, but apparently a world record was set. That's what I want to talk about, the money! I have heard for well over a year that Chick-Fil-A had ties to groups who are anti-gay. I still went to Chick-Fil-A. The franchises are individually owned, and I didn't think it was fair to punish the "Mom and Pops" who own the individual restaurants because of a stance the Corporation has. In much the same way, I felt for the owners of the independent gas stations who sold Exxon gas when people were boycotting them because of the oil spill. Their livelihoods and the financial support of their families was being threatened because of something they had no control over. I still visited Chick-Fil-A once a week, at least, sometimes more, even when a lot of my friends were saying I shouldn't be giving them my business. Chick-Fil-A has great food! It's always fresh, and the customer service is unmatched! You have no argument from me on that point. I continued to be a loyal patron! Then, about two weeks ago, Dan Cathy gave an interview to the Baptist Press where he addressed the Biblical principles the company is based on. I read the interview. There is nothing in it that actually says that Chick-Fil-A is anti-gay. Here is the part of the interview that addresses the issue of marriage:
              Some have opposed the company's support of the traditional family. "Well, guilty as charged," said Cathy when asked about the company's position.

"We are very much supportive of the family -- the biblical definition of the family unit. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that.

"We operate as a family business ... our restaurants are typically led by families; some are single. We want to do anything we possibly can to strengthen families. We are very much committed to that," Cathy emphasized.

"We intend to stay the course," he said. "We know that it might not be popular with everyone, but thank the Lord, we live in a country where we can share our values and operate on biblical principles."The above statement brought down a firestorm of comments, videos, and campaigns from the LGBT community and it's supporters to boycott the chain. I have decided not to spend my money at Chick-Fil-A anymore, but not because a group told me not to. All the press made me do my own research, look up what was really said and mostly where my money was going. I will not address every group that I looked up, but this one statement from one group that received money from Chick-Fil-A, my money, I am sad to say, was enough to make me say, okay, I just don't want to spend my money there if this group is being supported. The group is called The Family Research Council. This is their statement on homosexuality:
                 Family Research Council believes that homosexual conduct is harmful to the persons who engage in it and to society at large, and can never be affirmed.  It is by definition unnatural, and as such is associated with negative physical and psychological health effects.  While the origins of same-sex attractions may be complex, there is no convincing evidence that a homosexual identity is ever something genetic or inborn. We oppose the vigorous efforts of homosexual activists to demand that homosexuality be accepted as equivalent to heterosexuality in law, in the media, and in schools. Attempts to join two men or two women in "marriage" constitute a radical redefinition and falsification of the institution, and FRC supports state and federal constitutional amendments to prevent such redefinition by courts or legislatures.   Sympathy must be extended to those who struggle with unwanted same-sex attractions, and every effort should be made to assist such persons to overcome those attractions, as many already have. 

I'm no scholar, but I'm pretty sure that's blatant discrimination! So, just on the chance that my money went to this group alone, forget all the others, I decided to stop spending my money there. Now to address the issue that I know is going to open a flood gate, Yes, I'm a hypocrite. There's a picture circulating of Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka appearing that he is making this statement:

Have I stopped spending my money with Chick-Fil-A? Yes. Have I stopped putting gas in my car? No. Why the difference? If I'm going to make a stand for one, I should make a stand for all, right? Well, in theory, yes, I should. But we all know that it would be near impossible for me to make a living without a car, and without gas my car would not run. I guess I feel that I could not live without gasoline, as disturbing as being dependent on OPEC is, and I can live without waffle fries and a chicken sandwich. This is one place I can exercise my right and control where a little bit of the money I spend, and I stress the term "little bit", goes and is used. If that makes me a hypocrite then "guilty as charged"

I know Chick-Fil-A does a huge amount of good. They give millions of dollars to scholarships, and foster care and international ministry. Yay for them! I'm all for them giving money to "strengthen the family" Pass some over to this single mom who struggles everyday to keep her family fed and clothed because her "traditional" marriage fell apart. Shockingly gay couples wanting to be recognized legally in committing to a lifetime of love and devotion and caring for each other as married had nothing to do with it. You're right, Dan Cathy, marriage is in trouble in this country, but my homosexual friends who want to be together and have the same rights as my heterosexual friends under the law have nothing to do with it. Bottom line is I don't hate Chick-Fil-A. I don't hate anyone who went to Chick-Fil-A yesterday. I'm not even telling you that you can't spend your money there. I'm just explaining to you why I'm not.

Cut, Print, Moving on

Yesterday was an anniversary of mine that I did not realize until I got on Facebook in the afternoon. 15 years ago on July 30th, 1998, principal photography was completed on an independent feature film called "When Love Walks In". Why is that important to me, you ask? Because I was in that feature film. I can't believe for as long as I've had this blog that I've never written about this experience before. It all began, for me, in the summer of 1997. I was doing a production of "City of Angels" at Dogwood Dell, an amphitheater here in Richmond. I met a new actress in the cast named Katie, and we became friends. She was just getting in on the beginnings of an independent feature film with a friend she had worked with in the past. He was writing and producing the film, and his brother was directing. They were still looking for an actress to play the role of her mother, and Katie asked if I was interested, and so it began. After several meetings with producer and casting and re-casting the roles in the film, because of conflicts, we finally began shooting in the Spring of 1998. This was bare bones  film making at its finest. Kent Williamson, the producer/writer, had a full time job, and so did most of the crew and actors in the film, so we were shooting on vacation time, two weeks in the early spring, and then two weeks in the middle of July. It was definitely a family affair. The shoot was in Kent's hometown of Charlottesville, VA, just about an hour's drive from me, so housing was provided for me, and by housing, I mean I stayed in the spare bedroom of Kent's family home. Kent's mother and wife were craft services. In film and television production that is who provides your food while on set. We were fed VERY well. :) My costumes were all my own clothes coordinated with a costumer, and I did my own hair and make-up. Now, it may sound like I'm trying to paint a drab picture. I'm not! I just want you to get the Hollywood version of filming with star trailers and make-up chairs and wardrobe rooms, out of your head. Prior to filming, the cast had met for some read-thrus and discussion, so I had been to the Williamson house before, and when it came time to make the trip, I knew the drive well. I drove up the night before because shooting was supposed to begin very early the following day. Before embarking on this journey, the only experience I had had in film was standing in the background on my high school campus while a local show shot a promo. Saying I was nervous would be an extreme understatement. I rose early and went to the "set", a house of a friend of Kent's who agreed to let us use it for filming the exteriors and interiors of my character, Nora Machiavelli's house. At the time of filming I was 34 years old. I had spent the last 24 years as a stage actress. That may not mean a lot to most of you, but ask the crew what it meant to them the first day of shooting. The scene we were filming was one where Nora's ring had gotten caught on the garbage disposal blades as she was trying to unclog it. They set up the shot, a much longer process than I ever imagined, and we were doing our first take. I knew my lines, and I began. The crew was outside shooting through the kitchen window with sound and the boom (the big microphone they hold over the actor's heads) operator was inside the kitchen with me. It was just me, and all my lines were spoken into the phone as I was supposed to be talking to my daughter. "Cut!" the director yelled. Brad Williamson, Kent's brother was the director. Brad came over to me. "That was really great, but we need you to be a little quieter in the next take." Being on the stage, I was used to PROJECTING, not thinking about the fact that there's a very powerful microphone just over my head. Take 2. "Cut!" "That was really good, but you keep moving out of the shot." Again, my stage training had groomed me to be bigger than life, and we were shooting real life. When you watch a television show or a movie, you don't think about how small the space is the actors are working in. My space for this particular scene was as big as the window. We finally got the "garbage disposal" scene shot, and we were moving on. The afternoon we were shooting me forging my daughter's signature on a letter. Just a shot of my hands signing her name, Annelise Machiavelli. 17 takes. Don't ask! I spent most of my first night in that spare bedroom rethinking what I'd dreamed of being since I was 3, a movie star. This is not at all what I thought it would be. I don't like this, and worse yet, I'm bad at it. If you knew me, you'd know how much that last phrase was devastating to me, but I stuck with it, and thanks to the EXTREME patience of the director and crew, by the end of the Spring shoot, I had learned how to act for the camera, and better yet I learned to appreciate the differences from stage acting. You can't be subtle on the stage. You can't whisper. No one can see a tear rolling down your cheek. The spring shoot wrapped, and I would put "When Love Walks In" out of my mind until summer.
The shooting schedule was to begin in mid July. I was walking into the summer shoot a whole different person, emotionally and physically. I had lost about 50 lbs. The cause for the weight loss was also the cause for my emotional change. 2 weeks prior to shooting, I had come home from a trip to an empty house, and my husband of 15 years was gone, leaving me and our two small children with nothing. A lot of people in my life at the time could not believe that I was going to finish shooting the film. Well, those people don't know me very well. First of all, I would have never done that to Kent and Brad and the crew. It costs a huge amount of money to film, and to have to scrap all of my footage from the spring and recast would have been a huge setback to the production. Secondly, when I start something, I finish it. I wasn't walking out. Writing this just now, I realize the cruel irony in that. If you've heard anything about filming, you probably know that scenes are not shot chronologically. I'm pretty sure that at least one part of a scene we shot at dinner in the living room was the heavier me, and when I walk into the kitchen that in reality is supposed to be a split second later, I am 50 lbs. lighter. Needless to say, there was a lot of Spring footage of me that ended up on the cutting room floor. It is, however, preserved on the DVD as deleted scenes. The summer shoot meant more to me than I can tell you. As an actor many times you use tragedy in your life to fuel your performance. I had a tanker full. I was surrounded by supporting, loving people, and let's face it, it was a distraction from the reeling hell my life had just turned into. Thank you, Kent and Brad and Karen and all the crew for saving me that summer and letting me laugh and cry.
Fast forward to 2005. When actors make a film of any type, often times they never see their work, and certainly not immediately, unless they watch something called "dailies" where they see the raw footage shot during the day. I had never seen anything but a trailer that had been put together from different clips of the film. Because this was an independent film, shot and financed, post production took 7 years. I had never seen the finished product. Imagine my shock when Kent called me and told me that the film had been submitted to the Bare Bones International Independent Film Festival in Oklahoma and had received several nominations, including one for me for Best Actress in a Feature Film. This was an amazing moment for me. I decided, no matter what, I was going to that festival. I ended up winning, and in my acceptance speech I said that as actors we say it's about the love of what we do, and it is, but is sure is nice when someone recognizes the hard work you put into something and honors you for it. That summer of '98 brought a lot of things into my life, mostly bad, but filming When Love Walks In with Paladin Pictures, Kent's production company, was a bright spot that brought me more than I could have ever asked for in knowledge and experience, but mostly in making that 3 year old little girl's dream a reality.

Shut Up, You Meathead, You!

40 years ago today a very controversial, very political show premiered on CBS. It wasn't a news show, or a documentary, it was a comedy, or some would call it today a dramedy. Dictionary.com defines a dramedy as a television program or series using both serious and comic subjects, usu. without relying on conventional plots, laugh tracks, etc. This show certainly fit that description. The title of the show was All in the Family . It was one of the first shows of its kind that was filmed before a live studio audience. It revolved around a family named Bunker. Archie, the patriarch of the family, played masterfully by Carroll O'Connor, Edith, his wife, played by Jean Stapleton with just the right amount of sensitivity and strength, their daughter, Gloria, or as Archie called her "little girl" played by Sally Struthers, and Mike, the son-in-law, who was always going head to head (or head to meathead) with Archie played by Rob Reiner. The series was created by Norman Lear and tackled every subject of the day. All in the Family gave us dingbat and meathead, Archie's  favorite commentary, the Bronx cheer, a raspberry, and a huge string of words that only Archie could pronounce in his own special way. The shows focused on everything from menopause and baptism to the very serious subjects of rape and the Viet Nam war. I was 7 when the show debuted, but I remember learning a lot from that show. All kinds of issues were debated in that living room on 104 Houser Street. We watched the Bunker family go through everything and we went through it with them. Archie had some twisted views, but we loved him. They never came from a place of hate, they came from a place of ignorance. Archie and Mike always seemed to be at each other's throats, but they really loved each other. I still cry when I watch the episode when Mike and Gloria move to California. Archie and Mike spend the entire episode avoiding each other and the subject of saying goodbye, and finally at the end Mike tells Archie, "I know all these years you thought that I hated you, but I really love you."  It was a show that defined the times. It paved the way for every show after it to be able to voice an opinion about the issues and struggles of the time. We laughed with them and cried with them, but most of all they made us think. All in the Family gave me food for thought about the very turbulent times that America was in during my childhood, but it also taught me that a family can disagree and still love and care for each other, which has proved to be an invaluable lesson.

The Evolution of a Dream

 Hello! Me again. I know it has been a while. I seem to be saying that every time I write a post now. I know I've said this before, but when I started this blog, I told myself that I would only write when I was inspired. That is not the same as saying I ALWAYS write when I'm inspired, because I don't because, well, you know, life and stuff, but today's topic is probably the most inspiration of all the inspiring things in my life to write about, my passion for the theatre. I knew from age 3 that I wanted to perform in some way. As a child growing up in the 60s, I was hugely into TV. I had a little wooden rocking chair that I would sit in right in front of the television. Cartoons were big for me, Bugs Bunny especially. If you have never seen Bugs Bunny, we are no longer friends, just kidding, but stop reading right now, and go search for an episode, in fact, I'll save you the trouble.

Rabbit Of Seville (1950) from Stephen Rae on Vimeo.

.Now, I still, at 60, find this extremely funny, but if you noticed, the entire cartoon is set to the music from the Opera, The Barber of Seville, by Rossini. Of course, what Bugs is singing are not the original lyrics, but the music is the real deal. It was not composed for this cartoon. It was written in the1800s. This cartoon, and there are others that used classical music, gave me my intro to the genre expanding my knowledge of music beyond nursery rhyme songs and popular music. Because I watched so much TV and listened to so many different kinds of music in my house, I would often imitate or act out what I saw, and thus began my love of performing. As I grew older, I still watched cartoons, but I also was a huge fan of the Jackie Gleason Show and the Carol Burnette Show, and more and more I knew that this was what I wanted to do with my life. I sang my first solo in front of people, well, not family, in kindergarten, Away in a Manger, for the Christmas Pageant. Then in 2nd grade, I was the Teeny Weeny Bean in Mr. MacGregor's garden complete with green tights and green bean hat and solo. In 4th grade I changed it up and decided to do a "straight" play (for all you non-theatre people, that means a play without music). I was the Shoemaker's wife in The Shoemaker and the Elves. I don't remember much about the part, but I do remember she was kind of sassy, and I got laughs. I promise I am not going to recount my entire performance resume for the last 50+ years, but just indulge me one more. My drama teacher at St. Catherine's School, Ms. Buis, had directed The Shoemaker and the Elves, and she told me about a local professional theater that was having auditions for The Music Man and needed someone my age and suggested I audition, and that, my fabulous humans, is where I was bit by the bug, and I have never stopped scratching for the last 50 years. I was cast as Amaryllis (that's me in the Big Bow),

and it was one of the coolest things I had ever done, and I loved it, and when it was over, I just wanted to keep doing more and more. That was my dream. That's what I wanted to do with my life, and I did, and they all lived happily ever after, right? WRONG! Far from it. Oh, I'm still connected to the theatre, and I still act, and have done so pretty consistently for the last 50 years, but I don't do it for a living. Very few actors have that luxury, so why am I telling you this story? Theatre has brought a lot of great things into my life. In fact, I would not have my 2 children if it were not for theatre because I met their father doing a show. I went on to act professionally and non-professionally all through school and in my freshman year in High School I did the show Godspell, and I became best friends with the guy playing Jesus. We stayed friends for months, but he wanted more. I did not, but, eventually, after spending almost every free moment together for about a year, something changed, and he became the love of my life, and my dream changed a little. I still wanted to act, but I was more focused on my relationship, and plans for my future with the man I loved. We ended up getting married 6 months after I graduated, and my dream changed. I still wanted to act, but I was more focused on being a good wife, and as my husband was very talented musically, we began to sing together, and then we were in a band, and then 2, and I was mostly singing back-up to him, but we were building that dream together, and theatre kind of took a back seat. My husband was a songwriter, and he was really good, and I really thought the band was making headway, and we were going somewhere. By this time, about 14 years after we were married, we had 2 beautiful daughters (2 and 5). This was my new dream, to have the band we were in become our source of income and to tour with our little family. What could be better, right? Apparently not all people in the little family were on board that ship, and I'm not talking about the 2 & 5 year old. When our band was just on the cusp of actually breaking out, and we were really gaining traction, I found out that the love of my life, my husband of 15+ years, and the father of my children was having an affair. Not only was this devastating to me, but it was especially problematic as he held a part time job as a minister of youth and music at our church, and the band that he was front man for, you know the one we were all in, was a Christian Band. Add to that, that I had made part of my evolved dream being a stay-at-home Mom to our 2 girls with only $100.00/month income as a pre-school music teacher, and that made it impossible for me to leave, and I couldn't tell anybody or he would lose his church job and maybe his main job because he was having an affair with one of his employees. For 5 months I was on an emotional roller coaster trying to be a better wife because why else would he have turned to someone else, right? STOP RIGHT THERE! (insert sound of screeching brakes) If you are reading this, and you are in a marriage or long term relationship, and your partner cheats on you, IT IS NEVER YOUR FAULT!!!!! Say it again, so the people in the back can hear! A partner cheating on you is NOT YOUR FAULT! Was I a perfect wife? No. Did we have issues and arguments? Sure. Should we have been better communicators? Absolutely, but does that justify someone sleeping with another person while they are still sleeping with you, and lying about it, and gaslighting you when you think you know what's going on, and making you feel guilty for even suspecting that? NO! Do I believe people's feelings change in a relationship? I suppose that's possible. Mine didn't which is what made things so hard, and made it that much easier to take the responsibility for all of that. If that does happen, and people fall out of love with their partner, they owe them the respect and decency of saying they want out before they move on. Would that be painful and devastating? Damn right it would, but at least the humiliation and betrayal would not be a part of the equation. Add to all of this that I had to pretend at church and with the band that everything was fine. We were still the golden couple with the 2 adorable children. But, as it is with all secrets, they can't be kept for long. The affair had not ended, and things blew up, and he decided to "make things work" with me. I was elated. I was so glad to have my husband back. We renewed the lease on our townhouse for another year, and three weeks later the girls and I went to the beach with another mom with 2 daughters, and when we came home after 4 days away, he was gone. He left me a letter telling me I needed to get my act together if I was smart, and that I had ruined his ministry. He left his job, (both of them), and we had no idea where he was for almost a month. He took the only car we had that was functional, and every cent in our checking account leaving no money to cover the checks that had been written and sent to pay bills (this was back in 1998, no online bill pay or banking). Luckily, my parents had space for us to move in, and my landlords were great about letting me out of the lease. I had no job to speak of, no money and no car, and a 2 and 5 year old to raise. Well, that blew that dream all to hell, and every other dream with it. At the age of 34, I had to start my adult life completely over. Don't check out yet. If this were a weekly episodic television show, this would be the end of the season cliffhanger. I won't leave you on the ledge, though. New dream: Make sure that I raise strong, independent women that know they are loved. Teach them to be honest with me always, even when it's difficult, and promise to be the same way with them, and make sure they are well provided for. Encourage them and guide them with their dreams and what they want, and to be kind and respectful to other people. I pretty much did that with the help of a whole lot of friends and wonderful support from my family. They are both grown and following dreams of their own. All of that happened almost 26 years ago. I never remarried. I never even had a relationship with anyone else. It just wasn't part of the plan. They were my focus. As we settled into our new life, I slowly got back into the theatre, and began to find that first dream again, although slightly altered. I got some amazing roles through their school years, and they were so supportive of me and still are. My dream had always involved being on stage. I did not want to direct. I just wanted to perform, but as I began to age, there were fewer and fewer opportunities for onstage work, so I thought I'd try directing. I directed a group of high schoolers in a production of Anything Goes, and I loved it. I loved watching a kid realize they were actually good at this acting thing. I adored being able to watch that love that I knew so well bloom in them. I wanted to direct more. Easier said than done. I was not an established director, and few theaters in town were going to take a chance on me. I continued to pick up a few roles here and there, and then, I got the role of a lifetime. I was cast as Della Brady in The Cake at Richmond Triangle Players, and it was the most satisfying, challenging, joyful experience of my career. I knew I would never have another role like this, and I told myself that if I were never cast in anything again, I could be satisfied with that because I had achieved a dream. How little I knew then how prophetic those words would become. The Cake closed in March of 2020, and we all know what happened the end of March. The world shut down. None of us knew if live theatre would ever be a thing again. I think that's when my dream really changed. I knew that if we ever came out of the Pandemic that I wanted theatre to be a part of my life on a daily basis. What I really wanted was to buy some place and start my own theatre. I wanted it to be a place where people could create great things together and realize their true potential and work on something they loved and were passionate about. I know, I know, that's a huge dream, and it would require winning the lottery! I tend to do that. I get an idea, and it just keeps ballooning into something that is impossible right away. I am still getting used to trying to take baby steps. I decided I would start with an acting studio and coach students one-on-one, and thus Amaryllis Studios was born.

Logo designed by Georgi Dysert

I started out with one student, and then I gained another, and I was actually living part of my dream and making a supplemental income doing something I loved. And then 3 1/2 months ago, my youngest daughter and a small group of friends decided we were going to work together to do a show this summer. And guess what? We are! Amaryllis Studios is actually producing a show under the Creative Wing of Vienna Waits Creatives - a whole other post for a different time from a guest blogger, stay tuned. So many friends are helping for no pay because they love the theatre like I do. It's a musical called CHESS, and we have held auditions, and it's cast, and we begin rehearsals next week. This is the dream, folx! It is happening. Is it the one I had at age 10? No, but there's still a part of the little Amaryllis' dream. That's why she's my logo. She planted the seed all those years ago, and life watered it sometimes, and it went unfed sometimes, and then it flourished with different blooms, and now it has evolved into what it was always meant to be. It's not a theater yet, but I know in my heart of hearts that it will be. What is meant for you will never pass you by. I hope that you found value in my story, and that it may have helped you in some way to see the light at the end of the tunnel, or pursue the dream you have. Surround yourself with people that will love that dream into being. It can happen. It has for me, and I know it will for you too. You deserve it! We all do!

If you have been inspired by this story or you want to be a part of this dream, I have launched a Kickstarter called 6 Weeks til Show. This is the summer theatre program that I want to offer every summer to people who want to follow their passion and have a place where they might get that opportunity. I totally get it if you can't contribute, but if not, would you please share to get the word out? I would be so grateful. We all succeed when we lift each other up.

I Couldn't Be Prouder

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. As a mother we have so many hopes and dreams for our children. I am no different. My youngest daughter, Georgi, has made some major decisions in her life recently, and her story is one that, I'm sure, will inspire hundreds of others. I have invited her to be my guest blogger today. Here is her story:
             One of the biggest challenges I face in my own faith, in times of great stress or pain, is trusting that God has a plan for me; that will make me happy and successful, even in the lowest of times, when nothing really seems to make sense or have purpose. Knowing that there is a Big Picture that is beautiful, even when you don’t have any of the pieces that make it up, gives me hope. We ask God, “Why?” a lot in the time that we are waiting for these pieces to come together. We cry out in despair, anger, anxiety and worry, because at the very core I think we know we are undeserving of that grace. Because of this, we also worry that we may never see that big picture.

But, something I have recently discovered is that God has a plan for us. This is not only because he wants us to be joyful and live happily ever after, but also because, through that journey there are lives that we are supposed to touch and possibly even change. Whether or not we believe that we deserve happiness and blessings, we are shown that grace because it is how we work in other people's lives. Our big pictures are not just about us, but are about everyone we have the opportunity to love. We can only inspire others while we ourselves are inspired, and we can only be inspired when we trust God to inspire us. So, I am writing this post today because when I fell to my knees and found myself at my lowest point, I finally looked up and was given the pieces to my big picture. I was given the gift of inspiration and for that; I feel I should share it.

This past year I found myself desperately searching for something. I didn’t know what it was, but I did know that without it I felt lost and a bit empty. Early last spring I was nearing the end of my sophomore year in college. Out of the five classes I was taking in that second semester, only one of them counted toward my major. I was advised to take five classes because I needed five credits to be on track to graduate.  Therefore, I found myself enrolling in any classes I could get into once I finally had access to do so. These courses were taken in order to meet the credit requirements that were suggested by my advisor to graduate. Needless to say, I was in three classes that required a lot of hard work, but didn’t pique my interest or work in harmony with my end goal. I was overwhelmed, constantly drowning in work that I was neither inspired by nor passionate about, and saw no end in sight. I didn’t realize how much this stress was affecting me, or how unhappy I was, until I was taking a test that I had studied hours for, yet my mind went completely blank. I had facts in my brain but could not bring them forward. I remembered reading about the subjects each question addressed, but nothing more than the familiarity of the subjects came to mind. I couldn’t help but feel panicked and anxious, so all I could do was try to finish as quickly as I could so I could get out of that room.

When I got home, I sat in silence wondering how I had gotten to this point. I wondered how it could have gotten this bad without my noticing, and I realized that I wasn’t happy to begin with. I always felt like I needed to cry, was always agitated and/or very angry over small things. I dreaded going to class and avoided making friends. I was also obviously losing grip of my short term memory. I had no self-confidence, and my depression and anxiety had almost become crippling. I wasn’t living; I was just merely getting by.

After coming to this realization, it did not take me long to make the decision to leave school. It was an easy decision in terms of my health, but a very hard decision to make in terms of my future, and what I had planned for myself. I would use this time to take care of myself because I had completely lost myself, and had forgotten how to get back to who I was. I will never be able to express how sorry I am to my family for how awful I must have been during this time, or how thankful I am to them for loving me unconditionally anyway.

Fast forward a year. I’ve worked a retail job at Ulta as a beauty advisor for a year and have learned a lot about people, cosmetics, customer service, and the importance of employee support. I can’t say, honestly, that I have enjoyed this job, for multiple reasons, but I learned a lot of valuable things about hard work. I also met a few amazing people including one of my managers who saw and appreciated the value of having a hard worker, and a coworker who made my last months there bearable, and who I know, is going to be one of my truest best friends until we’re old, grumpy cat ladies. Even though this place gave me things that I am thankful for, it was a place that I desperately needed to get out of.

Now comes the happy and maybe even inspirational part of this post. During this entire year, I constantly prayed for God to help me find my happiness as well as my path. I had felt disconnected from God during this time and constantly prayed to him, but never felt like he was answering me. I knew he hadn’t abandoned me, but I was broken and desperately wanted to see the bigger picture. Little did I know, this “bigger picture” was made up of three different pieces. Each piece came at the exact times I needed them, but I didn’t see them for exactly how special they were until just recently when they all came together.

1. The first of the three pieces was rediscovering my passion for art. My mother has always seen potential in me when it came to art, potential that I never saw myself. I hadn’t really done anything with art, other than photography, since middle school and didn’t ever think of it as something I had lost or something that would bring so much of me back to life. When I took art classes in middle school, I never felt like I had ever really found a style that was uniquely mine. My mom reintroduced me to that part of myself by getting me a bunch of adult coloring books and really nice colored pencils for Christmas and my birthday. I was surprised at how much calmer, and more like myself, I felt just by having control over the colors and shading I chose, as well as the creative aspects of simply coloring. I discovered my unique style when, on a whim, I decided to paint the stained glass art from the beginning of Disney’s Beauty and the Beast on a wooden ‘L’ for my sister Leah’s birthday. It turned out really nice, which surprised me being that I think I am awful at painting, and this inspired me to create other images in this stained glass style. I sat down one day and began to create a Wizard of Oz piece in a similar stained glass style for my mother, because it is her favorite movie of all time. It flowed out of my hands faster than I could really comprehend and once I added the colors and shading, I knew that I had found a style of art that was uniquely mine. All of a sudden, I found myself creating a new piece every free minute I had, and before I knew it I was inspired by this new passion I had found and wanted to turn into a business. I named it “WiseCracksArt”, created an email account, a Facebook page, and Instagram account and have gotten so much support and love from both people I know as well as people I don’t. My art is now in the homes of a few friends and family who seemed to love the style I had found, and I have just recently sold my first piece. My art was the first piece to my “big picture” because It brought back such an important part of myself that I had lost. It gave me something to be passionate about, and every time I created a piece I felt closer to God. When I start a piece, it’s almost as if I feel my talent is not my own. I am just the lucky person that God is working through. When it flows from my head to my hand to the paper, I can tell that I am not creating by myself, and have always believed that my talents are gifts from God. Therefore, I can never fully claim these talents as my own. Humility is knowing that your talent is God working through you in order to reach other people. In accepting this, we will sometimes fall short because we are imperfect.

2. The second piece of my picture is actually not a thing, but is a family. In January 2015, the church I attend welcomed a new minister to youth and young adults along with his wife into our church family. Over the course of that first year I got to know them both a bit when William gave me the opportunity to help out with a youth event. Afterward, he then extended the invitation for me to be a part of the team of youth leaders on a weekly basis. Though I appreciated this and have absolutely loved it, it wasn’t until January of the next year that I truly realized what a blessing they would be in my life. That January, they welcomed two baby girls into their world. From the moment I found out they were pregnant, I was nothing but thrilled for them, but had never been a baby person. Even the first several times that I had an opportunity to hold one of the girls, I politely declined and that was that. A little later when I was asked to help in the nursery four Wednesdays in a row, I was stuck with them, and couldn’t be more thankful that I was. One of the girls was a bit fussy my first Wednesday. Everyone had tried to calm her down, yet nothing had worked, so finally it was my go. She was squirming a lot to see everything, so I paid attention to that and held her in a way that she could see everything but could also relax and be comfortable. She fell asleep in a matter of minutes. I felt like some magical wizard in the nursery for the next few Wednesdays, but in reality, I had just connected with her. Because of the bond I was forming with the girls, I had also developed a closer relationship with their parents, whether I was babysitting for them or just going over to hang out with the babies and their mom whenever she needed help. Little did I know that all of this was just working up to something that would save me from a job I mentally couldn’t do anymore. Their mother would be getting a promotion at work, which meant more responsibilities and more hours. They had thrown out the idea of making me their nanny sort of casually, so I assumed they may have been joking around at first because this seemed too good to be true. It seemed at times that it would not materialize for a while, but finally the stars aligned and we had a start date. I gave my two weeks’ notice and everything fell into place. I would get to take care of these two little angels that I had grown to love so much, work for their parents who I had grown to love so much, and got to leave a work environment that brought stresses that were not far from the reasons I had left school. I thought that this alone was my saving grace. Not only did I gain a job that I loved, I also gained two amazing and true friends. When I had been at school, I shut down and kept to myself. I alienated myself from any old friends and from any potential new friends. Then working a stressful job, I couldn’t find the time or energy to reconnect or find new friends other than Alexa, one of my co-workers, so their friendship and support meant the world to me. I had another part of my life where I felt safe and supported and loved another piece to my big picture.

3. The third piece to this big picture comes in the form of an unexpected opportunity. On March 25th at 1:22, I got a text from my step sister April, inviting me to her Mary Kay Grand opening celebration at her house. It was to celebrate her and her new adventure, starting as a brand new independent beauty consultant with Mary Kay. At 1:23 on March 25th I replied, “That sounds great! I would love to!!” Let me start by telling you, this is not something I saw myself ever being interested in attending. One, because I don’t like gatherings where I don’t know the majority of the people or gatherings with a lot of people in general, and two, because Mary Kay was something I pre-judged as “something people tried to sell my mother forever ago”.  Also, just recently working at Ulta, this was not something I was intrigued by....So, I don’t know what possessed me to immediately say I would love to go, but that is what happened. The night of the party comes around, and I am anxious, which is my usual reaction to anything new, (or anything period) but I picked up the friend who kindly agreed to go with me and we headed to April’s house. As soon as April's sales director Karen started April’s grand opening, I was immediately put at ease. She was very real and genuine and clearly very passionate about what she did. I have never been someone who was sold easily. I come from a family that has always had to be very careful with money, because we never had much, but every product Karen talked about, I wanted! It was easy to see that she was so excited about each product, which meant she believed in each product, meaning that they worked. I was swept up in all of it, and wanted to try all of the products, but she not only shared the products with us, but also shared the business opportunity of Mary Kay. This was the part I wasn’t looking forward to, but she didn’t present the opportunity by bragging about everything she had accomplished or benefits she’s received. She did not present it by begging or pressuring anyone. She presented it as something that she has loved seeing change women's lives in such an amazing way, and would love to see change ours. You could see that her favorite part of her career was being able to help women, in whatever form that took, with her Mary Kay business. I was so inspired by her passion and excitement, and couldn’t stop my mind from imagining what a career in Mary Kay would look like in my life. I received a certain trait from my mother, which she had gotten from her father. We have all of these really big ideas, but let them slip away because they seem too unattainable and overwhelming, so when I took the packet of information that shared more specifics about the Mary Kay Business, I expected the same thing to happen to this exciting opportunity. Even though the packet sat in the floor of my car for about a week, my mind couldn’t shake the idea of a career in Mary Kay. I never stopped thinking about it. It didn’t slip away. Even when I told my mom about it, she had complete faith that I could be very successful at it. One of the reasons I had never seen myself doing anything like this is because I had always been afraid to fail, whether I failed because I didn’t know what I was doing, or because I wasn’t organized, or wasn’t confident enough in the choices and skills that were required. But, one of the first things I heard Karen ever talk about was how excited she was for April and her new business. She then went on to reassure all of us by saying that we had nothing to worry about, and that she would take care of April and ensure that April was trained, confident in what she was doing, and successful. This was so simple, but was one of the main reasons I felt confident in my decision to start. Knowing you always have someone there for you, that supports and encourages you, and has an answer for every question you have, whenever you have it, makes a life changing decision like this a lot less scary and overwhelming. All of this happened in the middle of a time when my mother and I knew, financially, we would need help soon, and for some reason, I did not worry one bit about it because I knew we would be okay. I didn’t know how I knew, but I knew. The next day, God placed the first step of this journey in my path and I could not ignore it. I waited until I got paid, and that night the first thing I did was get on my computer and become a new Independent Beauty consultant on April’s Mary Kay team. I placed my order for my starter kit on a Tuesday and got it that Thursday, right before I had my first new consultant boot camp training at Karen’s house. In the time between Tuesday and Thursday the only problem I found on my heart, before I got all my products to try in my kit, was the fact that so many of my friends who were my age might have the same first thought about Mary Kay that I had. I knew I wanted to change the way people viewed Mary Kay. People who already used Mary Kay products absolutely loved them, but I wanted to reach people my age as well with this amazing business and these amazing products. I wanted everyone, no matter what age, to see that Mary Kay is the product for them. Thursday, on the way to my first training, I had this panicked feeling again. I was growing more and more antsy as I tried to make my way through the traffic and get to Karen’s house in time. I finally got there and tried to calm myself down while walking up to her front door. I rang the doorbell, and she answered with a very warm welcome telling me how excited she was for me! As I turned the corner to sit at the table with the rest of the new beauty consultants, I saw printed words in a frame hanging on the wall over Karen’s right shoulder. “‘For I know the plans I have for you’ declares the Lord. ‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’ Jeremiah 29:11.” This bible verse is tattooed on my sister’s wrist and is her favorite verse. Yes, I know it has been said that this is one of the most commonly quoted, tattooed, and favorite verses from the bible, but it was the perfect message and sign from God at that moment. I had been using and trying out the Mary Kay products in my starter kit for a week and realized why I was anxious about what other people would think. It was because I did not fully believe in the product yet and still had the assumption, myself, that these products couldn’t reach everyone. I let my own fear of my idea about Mary Kay freak me out. This completely melted away when I tried the products. Everything I have tried is amazing and I was overwhelmed again, but not by anxiety, by excitement. I finally understood and experienced the passion that Karen exuded the first time I met her. Karen also invited me to a leadership luncheon, which was my first time meeting a large group of accomplished successful leaders on the Mary Kay team. I’m sure you could say it with me at this point, I was anxious about it. Anyway, I could have said no or that I was busy, but for some reason, again, I just said yes and that I would be there. Every single woman I came in contact with that day was so sweet and supportive. The group is a family of women that thrive off of seeing their friends achieve success. There is not a bit of envy or competition; only room for growth, love, and support.

I could go on and on, and already have, but I will not share every detail today. I just wanted to start this part of my life the right way, and wanted to share it the right way. I wanted to tell everyone about it in a way that made it clear what a blessing it has already been, and how excited I am. I have been on her team for three weeks, and not one day has passed where I have not woken up with a fire in my soul to constantly be learning more. Writing this now, my heart is beating fast and my wheels are turning. I knew I was meant to take this journey when the drive and excitement that was pushing me to work hard on it no longer had anything to do with the money, but had to do with loving and wanting to share the products and the possibilities with other people. I am not doing this because I might need a woman to buy products from me, I am doing this because a woman might need me, this opportunity, to be pampered, or might need something to make her feel beautiful. I have always been happiest when I have the chance to affect someone else in a positive way, and that is what Mary Kay is all about. Karen said, “Maybe Mary Kay is not my dream, but it is the vehicle to achieving my dream,” and this is the third piece of my “big picture”. I’m not saying there will not be other pieces, I’m only 21, and there may even be other pictures. But right now, this picture looks pretty good. I am not just surviving, I am living, and it is nice to be able to say that again. Thank you for loving and supporting me. And thank you, Mommy, for literally everything.

No H8ters!

 

I was born in 1963. A lot of things happened that year. One of the things that is probably remembered most was President John F. Kennedy was shot and killed. He was trying to bring about change in the world, and people didn't like it! He wanted to make equity and civility the norm. Kennedy was a very popular president, but like so many other great leaders, the few haters took them down. Why do I bring this up now? Because I want to talk about hate. When I was 11 years old, I was in a production of Rodgers and Hammerstein's South Pacific. I played the little mixed race Tonkinese girl, Ngana. There is a song in the show called You've Got to  Be Carefully Taught. It is sung by the character, Lt. Joe Cable. He has fallen in love with a non-white girl, and he is upset that he cannot be with her. The lyrics I remember most and that have played through my mind millions of times over these last 50 years are:
"You've got to be taught before it's too late,
Before you are 6 or 7 or 8,
To hate all the people your relatives hate.
You've got to be carefully taught.
South Pacific opened in 1949. After it opened, "the show faced legislative challenges regarding its decency and supposed Communist agenda." When it toured in the south, a bill was introduced in Georgia outlawing entertainment with "an underlying philosophy inspired by Moscow," one legislator said, "that a song justifying interracial marriage was implicitly a threat to the American way of life." Rodgers and Hammerstein countered with the fact that the number represented why they wanted to do this play, and even if it meant not doing the show at all, they would not remove the number. We look back on that happening in 1949 and think, how ridiculous! Is it though? Is it ridiculous? If I had relayed that story and said it was happening with some brand new musical touring in the South right now, not a single person would have questioned it because that is where we are people! We are on the eve of an election that will throw us right back into 1949 and before if the wrong person is elected. This is going to be an all cards on the table post, so, if you're going to be sensitive about things, STOP READING NOW! Back in 2016, we had just had 8 years of a really great president, but he also happened to be black. There were a lot of people who didn't like that. I listened to Michelle Obama's book, Becoming, and I was angry at what they had to endure being said about them and their children simply because of their race. It wasn't about policy they didn't like. It was about HATE. So along comes a candidate to be the Republican ticket who starts to build a campaign on the theme, "Make America Great Again," but what we soon found out was it was a campaign based on hate and getting rid of all the people who had brought America down, the ones who had let all these people in who didn't belong, the ones who believed love is love, you get the picture. No one was shocked more than I was when I woke up on the morning after election day and found out he'd won. Even then I thought, well this is America, we have checks and balances. He'll be kept in check, and then week by week, month by month, year by year, I watched this country fall apart, and each thing that happened was worse than the last, and I thought, "What is happening? How is this ok?" When they finally announced that Joe Biden had won over trump in 2020, I wept. I was so happy and relieved that the nightmare would soon be over, but plenty of damage had been done, not the least of which was the overturning of Roe v. Wade by the judges that trump had put on the Supreme Court that were in his pocket. Millions of people had died from Covid because trump refused to believe it was real and fed the flames that it was a hoax. I could go on and on, but then I saw something happen I never thought I would see in my lifetime. A group of the haters, incited by trump himself, attacked the Capitol and tried to overthrow the American government. Thank God it didn't succeed, but plenty of damage was done, and people died. Then, true to form, when Inauguration day came, instead of taking the loss and transferring power to the rightful  winner of the election, the baby threw a tantrum and was a no show, making it the first time in our country's history that we did not have a peaceful transition of power. I thought Good Riddance! We're finally rid of the cancer in our government, and yet, here we are again, 4 years later, and I am scared to death that he might win again. Truthfully he didn't win the first time, but that's whole different blog post. A convicted felon may be the next president of the United States. How is that possible? Why is he allowed to run? He can't even vote for himself because convicted felons are not allowed to vote in this country. The difference now is, he has amped up the hate, so much so that his rallies have become about targeting all the people he deems un American: Translation: Anyone who isn't Christian and White and Male. Oh, the white ladies will be allowed to stay in his America, but only if they go back to being property of men. He means to dismantle democracy if he wins. He's said it. There won't be any more voting after this time. They're going to fix it so you won't have to vote again. Those are not my words, they're his. Last weekend he held a rally in Madison Square Garden that trash talked anyone who was non-white. It was pretty much a Nazi rally. Yes, I used the "n" word. All these people gathered together to worship their king of hate. This man is vile, I just recently saw a clip of him at another rally where he was making the motions of giving a blow job using the microphone on the podium that was having technical issues, and the people at the rally just laughing. THIS MAN CAN'T BE PRESIDENT AGAIN! I know I can't reach anyone who has already drunk his Kool-Aid, the Klan members who don't wear hoods, but if you are still on the fence, I am begging you, please vote for Harris/Walz tomorrow. We need to get away from all of this celebration of hate. If you're a family man, would you leave your daughter or wife alone with him in a room? If you're a woman, would you want to be alone with him? And all of you people who are supporting him because you want to keep your fist tightly clenching all your money, SHAME ON YOU! I want my daughters and granddaughters to have rights to be able to have control over their own medical care. I want them to be able to marry and love who they want to love without fear of being locked up or worse, killed. I want them to be able to live in a world where they can be who they are without fear! Why are we even debating these issues? I know all of you may not agree with Harris on all of her policies, but at least you have a sane person to debate the issue. With trump, you will have no chance. If he wins tomorrow, that is the end of freedom. He will turn this country into a dictatorship just like his pal Putin. This has to be the end of this movement of hate, PLEASE! VOTE BLUE! 1 day! We are not born hating, we have to be taught. 

There's No People Like Show People!

This past Wednesday evening I was at a party. It wasn't my birthday or a Holiday party. It was an Anniversary party, to be more specific, a 50th Anniversary Party. This 50th Anniversary was not being celebrated by a couple, though. It was the celebration of a theater that had been in business for 50 years. That, in itself, is huge, especially with the ups and downs of the economy since 1965. But this theater is so much more than a business. It's a family, and several guests said just that throughout the evening. The theater I'm speaking of is Swift Creek Mill or Swift Creek Mill Playhouse as I first knew it. Back in 1974 when I was in the 4th grade at St. Catherine's, I was doing a play. I was playing the Shoemaker's Wife in "The Shoemaker and the Elves." My drama teacher suggested that I audition at a professional theater getting ready to produce "The Music Man" She gave me the info, and my dad drove me down to Colonial Heights to Swift Creek Mill Playhouse on Route 1. I had never auditioned for anything before. First I had to sing. I sang a song we had just done in Junior Choir called God Who Touchest Earth with Beauty. Later we read scenes, and I read with other young actors. I was trying out for the role of Amaryliss, and I was thrilled when I was cast. We ran from June to November, and I got paid $5.00 a show. I was hooked. I had been "bitten by the bug" as they say. Shortly after Music Man closed I was cast in an original play by Ed Sala called Two Brothers, and then I was asked to be in a play called "Teahouse of the August Moon" The last play would change my life forever in many ways. Swift Creek is a long way from where I lived in 1975, and not being old enough to drive, if my parents could find an adult in the cast who lived fairly near us, I would ride with them. Gary Hopper was playing one of the lead parts in the show, and I joined their carpool. One Friday night on the way home from the show we were in a horrible accident when a drunk driver in a Cadillac ran a stop sign and hit our little Hornet that was packed with 6 people. The window exploded in my face, and I ended up getting over 100 stitches. You can imagine that I was afraid, and I didn't have either of my parents with me. The man sitting next to me in the car was Ed Sala, an actor who had  caught a ride home with us that night.He was not in the show but had waited tables for the dinner theater crowd that night. He rode with me in the ambulance to the hospital that night and visited me in the hospital every day until I was discharged, at least 2 weeks. We have remained life long friends. There's no people like show people! That was my last show at "The Mill" until almost 20 years later. I got a call to do "Into the Woods" The actress originally cast as Jack's Mom was leaving the production before it opened. I stepped in. Masterfully directed and designed by Tom Width, it is still one of my most cherished experiences in theatre! On the coattails of that show came a show called "Me and My Girl," a huge musical that would become the longest running show I would have the honor of being cast. We ran for over 100 performances and 7 months. As you can imagine with a run that long, we had several cast changes and swings. Few in the cast had the badge of never missing a performance. I almost made it, but the week before closing, tragedy struck again for me. I had a miscarriage, and I lost my first child. The outpouring of love I received from my theatre family was beyond wonderful! So much support and caring and cards and flowers. It made an awful situation bearable, and I returned to do the closing performance. There's no people like show people! 

My entire theatre career all began at Swift Creek. A wonderful group of people to grow up around. I learned to play Charades at Buddy Beer Nights, and I am not talking some friendly little game. It was highly competitive! My children got their first exposure to theatre at The Mill seeing the Children's series, and both have performed on the Mill stage. Leah, when she attended Theatre Camp and Georgi, inutero, as I was pregnant with her when I did "The Ugly Duckling" and "Rip Van Winkle" Swift Creek Mill will always be my true theatre family as they gave birth to my career and have nurtured me all along the way. I hope to be on their stage and in their audience many more times! Happy Anniversary, Swift Creek Mill Theater! Here's to 50 more!

The Least of These

Several years ago I sat watching a video with my 2 young daughters. It was a movie version of a book my youngest daughter had read for school. I watched the entire movie and when it was over I was inconsolable. I cried and cried. The ending was tragic. As a parent I felt my own heart was being ripped out of my body. The name of the movie was The Boy in the Striped Pajamas. Now, before I go on, let me warn you: SPOILER ALERT: If you have not seen the movie or read the book, if you continue to read this post I will spoil the ending for you. The story centers around a German family during World War II. A young boy and his family move to a new house. The new house just happens to be adjacent to the property that is housing a Concentration Camp. Why would a family choose to live next to a Concentration Camp you might ask. The boys father is a high ranking officer in the SS, Hitler's Nazi Army, and he is in charge of the camp and all that goes on there. As young boys often do, he gets bored, and one day, decides to go exploring in the lush woods that surround his home, disguising the ugliness of the camp. He comes upon a large fence, and, as most little boys would be, he is curious and begins to explore along the border of the high fence. He meets another little boy on the other side, dressed in striped pajamas. They strike up a friendship, and the little boy on the outside visits the little boy on the inside almost daily. As their friendship grows, so does their desire to play together without the fence separating them. They make a plan for the boy on the outside to get in, and to go unnoticed while they play, he will wear striped pajamas too that the little boy on the inside has somehow smuggled. The day comes to embark on the big adventure. Both boys are inside, together at last without the fence separating them. There are lots of people in striped pajamas, and it just so happens that the day their adventure begins on the inside was the day planned to go to the showers. Hand in hand they walk in together, one Jew one non-Jew, neither knowing what is really in store for them. I sat there watching, horrified, hoping against hope that his Father would realize what's going on in time to save them. Please make this a Hollywood, happy ending, but that was not to be. Both little boys die in the gas chamber that day. The German boy's father is devastated. The man who had overseen the murder of hundreds of children and adults was devastated because his own boy was just like all the others in his striped pajamas that day. All the others that didn't matter, that needed to be eliminated, that were a threat to our HOMELAND. Are these words sounding familiar? They should because we are being told the same thing about people who are different from us, and when I say different, I mean non-white. Yeah, I know I hardly ever get political in this blog, but this is not about politics!!!! This is about human compassion. The current administration is working hard to keep us(America) safe from illegal immigrants. They have a zero tolerance policy for anyone trying to cross the border illegally, and it is a misdemeanor. Families who are seeking asylum in this country are being separated. Children are being taken away from their parents for "baths" and then never returned as parents are detained. The children are being kept in pens, cages. I'm sorry, but the similarities are too great! This is scary and cruel and rings true with every dictatorship I read about in school from Hitler to Idi Amin, but this is my country, where I have lived for 54 years, and where we have welcomed people. "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe FREE..." "Keep 'em out! they're takin' our jobs!" "Keep 'em out! they're rapists and murderers!" "Keep 'em out! They're foreigners!" "Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or ill or in prison and did not help you? He will reply, ' Truly I tell you , whatever you did not do for the LEAST of one of these, you did not do for ME!" ...Matthew 25:44-45.