The Moments That Take Our Breath Away

It is a well known fact to anyone who knows me or reads this blog that I am passionate about acting. I cannot remember wanting to be anything else when I was growing up. I have been blessed to have had a fairly consistent side career as an actress for the past 38 years. I have never really addressed my philosophy or my particular style of acting before in this blog, but something happened to me last week that inspired me to share in this post. 

I have never had any formal training as an actor beyond high school drama classes and the experience I have gained under the mentoring of some fabulous directors over the years. I never studied Stanislavski or Adler. I am not "method", the classic "What's my motivation?" style. If I had to name my style, it would be "in the moment" I try, when I am onstage, to be "in the moment" always! Acting is pretending, pretending to be someone else, somewhere else. I think about my character. Who is she? What does she like? How does she sound? How would she feel? in this moment. By being in that moment, every action and sometimes, more importantly, reaction are consistent and real. If I create that real moment, then the audience isn't watching me act, they are experiencing that moment with me. I have created a world, and I have invited them into it. The more real the world is for me, the more they feel they are a part of it. 

Right now, I am playing the part of an adoring fan, Louise Seger, in Barksdale Hanover Tavern's "Always, Patsy Cline" This role is nothing but moments because except for a very few lines to "Patsy" and the band members, everything I say is directed to the audience. It needs to be real or I am sure the audience would soon bore of the long conversations I have with them. The character of "Louise" creates a world for the audience out of her memories of her friendship with Patsy Cline. She makes it quite clear how enamoured she is with Patsy and her music. At the end of the show, Louise shares with the audience the moment when she heard the news that Patsy Cline had died in a airplane crash. It is a sweet, tender moment. Most of Louise's lines in the show are fun and illicit laughter. This particular time is a side that the audience has not been allowed to see of Louise.

Barksdale Hanover Tavern is an extremely intimate theater. This plays well for this kind of show. In this particular production, after my "Louise" shares this news with the audience, I have been directed to step off of the stage and in the aisle as we all look at a solo mic, spotlighted in the center of the stage, and listen to the last notes of "How Great Thou Art". Last week as I stepped off of the stage and into the aisle, as I stood there in the dark of the theater, I felt the hand of the woman sitting in the front row on the aisle slip into mine and give it a gentle squeeze as if to say, "It's all right, Louise. I miss Patsy too. It's okay to be sad. I'm here with you." She held my hand until it was time for me to step back up on the stage. In all my years of acting, I have had many moments. I have never experienced one quite like that. It was so special to me, and one I am sure I will not soon forget. It reminds me, once again, why I do this, why I have always wanted to do this, and why I will continue to do this as long as my mind and body will let me. 

A Love Story

Yes, it's Valentine's Day, and this will be my 14th alone. Now, before anyone gets in an uproar, this is not going to be a post bashing Valentine's Day or love or romance. Quite the opposite actually. This is a love story. As a little girl I can remember looking forward to Valentine's Day. We all took our bags and proudly decorated them with construction paper hearts of red and pink, our name proudly written in the very center so as not to be missed when the valentines were dropped into the bag on that day in February. I can remember agonizing over giving just the right drugstore bought valentine to the boy I liked at the time. It couldn't say too much, but it had to say just enough that he might guess the way I felt and he might like me back too. I'd take that nearly busting bag  home and go through each valentine analyzing the signatures from the boys to see if anyone might reveal a crush by signing that tiny piece of thin cardboard with "love". Those were the days of simple innocence about the affairs of the heart.
By my high school days things were a little different. By age 16, I still had not dated anyone. I was living out the term "Sweet 16, never been kissed." That is not to say that I wasn't in love. I was!! I had fallen hard for a boy at school. Some would say it was a crush, but to me it was very real!!! I have always known exactly what I wanted, how I felt. I am very honest with myself and others. I do not play games, and lay all my cards on the table. This was not puppy love. I truly loved this boy and wanted more than anything for him to ask me out. I lived for any conversation we would have, any chance to be with him. He had no interest in me other than friendship. I refused to accept it, and held out hope. In the meantime I had a very good friend who also happened to be a guy, and ironically felt the same way about me as I did about my crush. We spent hours upon hours together talking, going to movies, out to dinner, the mall. I'm sure people thought we were a couple, but we were "just friends" This guy was a very talented songwriter, and I asked him to write me a song to sing to my crush. He did. When it came time for me to sing the song, he presented it to me. As I read the beautiful lyrics asking the listener to "read between the lines" to see what was right in front of their face, I realized those lyrics had been written not for me to sing to my crush but how the writer felt about me. I decided to open up my heart to new possibilities. Within a few days the writer and I began dating and spent many happy years together. Although the relationship didn't last "forever," it began as a romantic fairy tale, and I am so grateful for the love I experienced and shared. That love gave me the two most precious things in my life. When people experience loss, they are often asked if they could go back in time, would they change things knowing what they know now? Not a chance. For every step I have taken has lead me to  who I am today, and I can say with utmost confidence, I am very happy! Celebrate the love in your life, whether you have it now or you had it in the past. To have been loved and had the chance to give love is the greatest gift we are given.

It's the Baby's birthday.

February, with its Valentines Day, is the love month. 16 years ago I was given an amazing gift, a precious little girl, who has taught me every day what love means. I have never met anyone with more compassion. Her wisdom seems to be light years ahead of her age. I have learned so many lessons from her. For as much as my oldest daughter looks like me, my baby is me. We are so much alike, which also causes us to butt heads at times, but even though we both dig our feet in, we respect the other's opinion, and she has won me to her side more times than I'd care to admit. She's smart and talented and beautiful inside and out. I want so much for her. I want her dreams to come true, and I want her to never feel the pain of loss or suffer a broken heart, but I also know that is impossible, and in her short sixteen years she has already had her share of hurt, as she feels empathy like no one I have ever seen. People often made comment when both my girls were little about how well behaved they were, and how lucky I was. It is not luck. All I can say is if I have played any part in contributing to what she has become, I am the lucky one.
I have never been a mom who buys tons of cards or writes little notes of encouragement except for the occasional I Love You on your school lunch napkin. I speak my mind. I say what I feel in the moment, and I hope I have let her know over these past 16 years how much I love her, how I will always be there for her, and even if I don't agree with her, I will support her, that I trust her and admire her, and wish many times I was more like her. This is my birthday card to you, sweet girl. Enjoy this birthday and I hope that all your dreams come true!! And even if they don't, I know that you will handle whatever life deals you with grace and the faith to get you through. I read this quote on your status update a few days ago, and it speaks volumes about exactly who you are. How eloquent you are.
        "We have no idea what is ahead of us, we take it as it comes. Even when we get stuck in a moment when we feel like there is no possible way we could go on, the love of the Lord gives us hope to face another day. For his plans for us are greater than the dreams we have lost."