Totes! Another Rad Rant!

For your Tuesday afternoon, a rant for your reading pleasure. What is it with people taking perfectly legitimate words and shortening them in conversation? Here's a little free advice from me: YOU SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT! For some time now the shortened "totes" for the word "totally" has driven me crazy. Hearing someone utter the word is the proverbial "nails on a chalkboard" for me. I even started a Facebook group once called "Totes is a Company that makes Boots and Umbrellas" If you look up the word "totes" on Dictionary.com, there is no definition that includes the word "totally". Anyone who uses this word, male or female, sounds like they should be standing in a Mall with all of their teenage girlfriends, circa 1980 or you are touring with the road company of "Valley Girl"
The latest word to make it's debut in this atrocious behavior is the word "confirm" You may be thinking "confirm" is a word. Yes, as a verb. I am talking about the dolts who use the word as a noun pronounced (KAHN - firm) with the stress on the first syllable as in "We registered for the event, but we didn't receive a CONfirm." Obviously what they mean is, "We didn't receive a confirmation." What is this obsessive need to shorten real words to make them non-words? Are we, as a culture, so lazy we can't even muster enough strength to use full words in conversation anymore? I guess I'm old school, but I enjoy speaking with someone who sounds intelligent. You could have all the degrees in the world, but the first time "totes" escapes your lips when you're talking with me, a flashing neon sign goes off in my brain, "WARNING: YOU ARE NOW SPEAKING WITH AN IDIOT" So if my eyes begin to glaze over, and I look like I have totally tuned you out, I have.