In Memory

I have used this blog several times to write tributes, sometimes for celebrities that I admire who have passed on, sometimes family, and several for my girls, but today is a little bit different. Today I write one for someone who hasn't really been a part of my life for the past 15 years, but before that played a huge role in my day to day living. The man I'm writing about today is my ex-father-in-law. Divorce is a weird thing. I've never really known how to deal with the extended relationships. It's not like because you're divorced you can just turn off your feeling for the people who were your second set of parents for 15 years. So, today when I found out that he passed away, I cried because I did love him, and he loved me like I was one of his own. I married when I was very young, and I remember the day that I was going to meet "the parents" I was really nervous because I knew how much my ex-husband valued his parent's opinion, especially his father's. We made the long drive out to the country where they lived. I was 16 years old and a city girl. I had no idea what to expect. We spent most of the day there and we talked with his family the whole time. Before lunch, during lunch, after lunch, right up until we left. I remember saying on the trip home that I felt bad that I had kept them from whatever they needed to do. They shouldn't have felt like they needed to entertain me all day. The response was that that was business as usual. I would make that trek up that country road many times over the next 17 years, and he and I would have hundreds of "talks" and yes, sometimes arguments but not "fights." We didn't see eye to eye on a lot of issues, and we were both just as stubborn as the other and would keep arguing trying to get the other to come to our side. Truth be told, I think sometimes he would just pick the other side whether he had a strong feeling about it or not to challenge me. He certainly enjoyed a discussion, even when it got heated, but the great thing was, he respected me for what I thought, and I respected him. There was no, "Well, if you don't believe what I believe, you're an idiot." He didn't hold a college degree, but he knew so much. He loved music, and, more times than once on my visits, he would pull out the guitar to sing but not in a grandiose way. His son is quite a talented singer, and they would harmonize together. He would always try to get me to sing with them, but because it was mostly country music, something I didn't really listen to very much, I knew only a few, but I would sing those. It was very comfortable to be in his presence. He never made anyone feel less than he was. He loved his wife and his family fiercely. He was someone who would always have your back and as honest as the day is long, even if it wasn't what you wanted to hear. (He and I are a lot alike in that department). He had a fabulous, dry sense of humor,  and he could give you a look that spoke volumes, and he never took crap from ANYBODY. He was a handsome, rugged man's man. I always thought he resembled Robert Mitchum. True to his nature, he called the shots right until the very end choosing to stop anymore surgeries and heroic, vain efforts to keep him living. He lost his war today, but oh what a battle he waged. He will be missed, but what a relief that his suffering is over. And maybe, just maybe, he and my dad will be playing poker tonight.