And in the End....

We're all going to die. That's the plain and simple truth. No one lives forever, so death is no surprise. It is how and when we die that troubles us. I remember seeing a made-for-tv movie when I was 10 about a woman who was dying of cancer. I can't remember the entire movie, but I think it was probably the first time I had ever heard of cancer. My family has no history of cancer, so I had never dealt with a relative having the disease. I do remember thinking, even though I was only 10, if I ever get cancer, and they tell me there's nothing they can do, I'm not going to have chemo therapy because I want to live what little time I have left not being sick as a dog. Now, let me interject here. I am not saying that no one should have chemo therapy who has cancer. I know how much good it can do. I have seen it help my friends. In this particular film it was a matter of you have very little time. We can extend your life a little bit, but you'll be sick for the rest of your days kind of thing. I decided then that I didn't want THAT! 40 years later, at age 50. I still feel that way. At least I say I would make that decision, but, truth be told, I don't think any of us can make a decision like that until we hear those actual words, "There's nothing we can do." I have been catching episodes of a show called Chasing Life. It centers around a young woman in her 20's who has been diagnosed with Leukemia. As she deals with having cancer she meets a young man who has a brain tumor. He tells her that he has opted not to have surgery to try and remove the tumor because of the risks of going into a coma or living life as a vegetable. He wants to die with dignity and his mind in tact. That poses the question is it life we want or quality of life? Right now, without the threat of death hanging over my head, I would choose quality of life even if it was shorter. But....ask me again if living a few extra months, even in a weak and sick state,  would allow me to see my daughters get married or my first grandchild born, and I may have a different outlook all together. I found out today that someone I know has heard those words, and it made me think, and it pissed me off, and I wasn't going to give it the Mary Sunshine treatment and look at the bright side. Let's be honest. When someone tells you you are going to die. This awful thing you have is going to kill you, there is no bright side, and frankly it pisses me off more when people try to offer phrases like, "You've lived a full life," or "5 or 10 more years, that's pretty good!" I'm sorry! No it's not. It's SHIT! I know people mean well when they say these things, but sometimes it's just better to own what's wrong and face it head on, and know we don't always have to put on a brave front. It's okay to be mad as hell that you have cancer and it's going to rob you of your life. I mean, come on! You have cancer! I didn't tell my friend anything except that I was sorry, and I was here for him. And isn't that all we really want in life is someone to be there for us in good times and bad? It doesn't make the rough times easy, but it sure as hell makes them a lot less hard!