I Come to Thee

I sat at my desk and began to really worry about my lack of reaction to what happened today in Connecticut, and I realized it was not a lack of reaction. I am numb, almost like people are right after they hear of the death of a loved one, and they seem fine, almost normal, and it's shock, really. their bodies and minds cannot process the loss, and so they don't. The longer I sat, the heavier my heart felt, and then I began to blink away tears, and try to keep it together because I am at work, after all, and I need to answer the phones and life goes on, right? And, so, as I often do now, when something stirs an emotion in me, I write about it here on my own virtual analyst's couch.
I will not trivialize this tragic event with my ramblings of why or inane words of comfort that seem like they came off of a dime store greeting card. I cannot tell you why this happened, no one can. We could spend thousands of years trying to make some sense, and we would still be searching for an answer. Evil exists, sorrow exists, pain, fear, grief, they all exist. We will never be able to change that no matter how hard we try. I cannot fathom what these poor people are going through right now. I have never lost a living child. I did lose my first baby to a miscarriage, and that was awful, I cannot tell you how I would handle losing either one of my girls right now. I truly do not know how I would function, but I also know that if a tragic event did occur I would be surrounded by love and support and the prayers of my friends and family.
I once had to sing for the funeral of an infant who passed away at 6 months because of a tumor. It is truthfully one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. One of the songs I sang at that funeral was the classic hymn, "I Need Thee Every Hour" Today, as I sat at my desk numb, those lyrics came to me:
I need Thee every hour,
Most gracious Lord, 
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford, 
I need Thee, 
O, I need Thee, 
Every hour I need Thee, 
O, bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.
No one can change what happened today. In the blink of an eye, people's lives were changed forever. The only hope I can offer is that I believe God is there for all of them, and for all of us. And as we all see these reports that we never forget how important it is to spend each day letting our children and family and friends know how much we love them.