I went to a funeral today.

This afternoon I was present at "Andy's" funeral in Salt Lake City, Utah. Like most funerals, I laughed a little at the remembrance of a loved one, there was a smile or two, but I also cried. All of these emotions were brought about by an amazing piece of theatre entitled "Facing East" now playing at Richmond Triangle Players New Theater through March 6th.

I auditioned for this show, and that is how it came up on my radar. A dear friend of mine, Julie Fulcher-Davis, also directed this show, and I wanted to see her work as well. I bought my ticket last night to attend today's 4:00 matinee. To tell you the truth, I didn't really want to go today. I kept thinking, "I don't want to spend my afternoon crying." But, I paid $20.00 for the ticket, so I went. I am so glad I did!

If you don't know the play, it takes place at the graveside of a young man, Andy, who has taken his own life. His Mormon parents, Alex and Ruth, are there just after the funeral has ended. What follows for the next hour and fifteen minutes is the REAL funeral that Alex insists must take place there with only nature to watch. Alex says that no person should be allowed to attend a funeral of a person they don't know. He goes on to say that He, himself should not be there, and neither should Andy's mother, Ruth. What the audience slowly finds out is that they didn't know their son because he was gay, and their Mormon faith prohibited them from accepting that.

Don't worry, this is not going to be a preachy blog post. This post is about theatre and actors and the courage it takes to stand up in front of complete strangers and show them every bit of what's inside them. These three actors, Melissa Johnston Price as "Ruth", Daniel Moore as "Alex", and Peter O'Shanick as "Marcus" (Andy's partner) show us just what "Andy" meant to all of them, and what losing him means as well. They make us laugh and cry and feel disbelief and anger and empathy and sympathy. This is not a show about homosexuality. It is a show about love and faith and how those things make us feel, and how, sometimes, even though we think we are doing what's right, it hurts those we love.

Go see "Facing East" before it closes. Warning: Take some tissues.

HATE is such a strong word!

I can remember when I was little and I would say, "I HATE" this or that, my "Gram" would say, "Ohhhh you don't HATE anything." HATE....stop and think about it, do you HATE anything? You might say, "I hate brussel sprouts!" (I happen to like them.) or, due to recent events, "I hate snow!" Fine, we say those things all the time. We throw around the word so easily, but when we throw toward a person or group of people, it's a whole different story.

I am sure that you have seen recently in the news that a "HATE" group is planning a protest here in Richmond this Tuesday against JEWS at the Holocaust Museum and against the Gay Straight Alliance at Hermitage High School. They carry signs that say, "God hates Fags!" and "The Jews killed Jesus," and other things that I shudder if I think about typing them. They site scripture that supposedly defends their "ministry of HATE."

I have this to say, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?" Believe what you want to believe. Anyone, ANYONE can use the Bible, out of context, to defend their points, good or bad, but, I don't know of anything in the Bible that says that we should HATE anyone, and how dare they presume to tell me and everyone else that GOD hates ANYONE.

I don't know what your beliefs are or if you have any, and I am not trying to tell anyone what to believe. What I would ask is that you not waste your life on a negative emotion like HATE.

ARTS..the red-headed step child.

Why is it that the ARTS always get the short end of the stick? I know times are hard, but why does the ax always fall on the ARTS first? I have been involved in theater for over 36 years since the age of 10. I was blessed to attend St. Catherine's school from kindergarten through 4th grade. Because they didn't fall prey to what state budgets would allow, being a private school, I was introduced to the arts at a very early age. As a kindergartner I was privileged to have an all-day workshop with famous mime, Tony Montanaro. I had dance class and drama at least once a week with Lucy Stockdale and Gretchen Buis all through my elementary years and had the opportunity to do a play in a real theater (McVey Theater) as a 4th grader. My drama teacher (Ms. Buis) encouraged me to audition for "The Music Man" at Swift Creek Mill Playhouse. I made it, and I have been doing theater ever since. If I had not had that early exposure to the ARTS at St. Catherine's, I may not have developed the intense passion I have for it now.

When people start making random decisions to eliminate all state funding to the ARTS by 2012 in the House Budget Plan, they have no idea what they are taking away. When a child sees a play for the first time, something happens. Stories come alive. It is not the same as watching a TV show. There is an energy and excitement that you cannot get anywhere else. Don't get me wrong, technology is a wonderful thing, but it will never replace live theater. How sad it would be if education through the ARTS were limited to only those who could afford it. How many children would be left uninspired? I hope and pray I don't have to see a future filled with adults who grew up without that inspiration because the state of Virginia thought ARTS were expendable in 2010.

Sometimes life doesn't turn out the way we planned......fortunately.

Today is February 21st, and it marks the anniversary of a very dark time in my life. 12 years ago today my life was turned upside down when I found out my marriage of 15 + years was over. I know that you are probably wondering why I even remember that. Unfortunately, I couldn't forget the date if I tried. My memory is just like that. As Adrian Monk would say, "It's a gift and a curse." I have decided today to blog about the good things that have resulted because of that very bad thing that happened.
"Your life can stay exactly the way it is now. No change." or "Your entire life, as you know it, is going to be blown apart, but you will end up the better for it." If these two scenarios had been offered to me 12 years ago, I would have picked the first one without blinking. Fortunately, and, no, that's not a typo, fortunately, I didn't have a choice. Isn't it wonderful when you can look back and see the good that's come out of the bad? Darkness is good, for without darkness, there is no light.
I decided, today, to not dwell on the pain, but the triumph. No one would pick the life I had thrust upon me 12 years ago, but because I raised my girls alone from the ages of 2 and 5, we are as close, if not closer, than any mothers and daughters I know. I would not trade that for the world! Everyone comments how close we are, and how close they are to each other. We genuinely love each other, and people see that. I don't think we would have the same relationship with each other if I had chosen the path of least resistance. I am a stronger person and have more confidence in myself than I ever could have imagined. I am not afraid to be honest and stand up for myself and fight for what's right. I have no secrets, and most importantly, it has made my faith stronger and more genuine than it ever would have been. All of these things are results of the journey I've had to take. Every step on the path of our life's road makes us who we are. I won't lie, it's been a rocky one, it still is, but there is comfort in knowing you're on the right one.
Music is such a part of my life, so I will leave you with a song. I can remember as a child hearing the song Pennies from Heaven and thinking how odd it was. As an adult I heard a really great arrangement by Mandy Patinkin, and it was like I was hearing the lyrics for the first time. I couldn't find his arrangement, but here is the wonderful Bing Crosby. Listen again, for the first time. Thank you all my friends and family for being those Pennies from Heaven for me.

"I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!"

That line was spoken by an actor named Peter Finch in the movie Network. I've never seen the film, and you may not have either, but I am sure you have seen that clip of the speech. That, my friends, is the way I feel this evening. I am sick and tired of rolling over and saying nothing when I or someone in my family is treated unfairly.

If you know me, you know that I am, to put it mildly, straight forward. I jokingly say that one day I'm going to get shot because I am the one who will speak up in a movie theater if people are talking. I am the one who will say in my booming stage projection voice what everyone in the dark theater is wishing they could say, but they're afraid of what might happen next. I will be the one to yell, "BE QUIET!" I have been known to call someone behind the counter on their attitude questioning, "Is there any need for you to be so rude?" But let's face it, most of us put up with poor customer service, rude behavior and bad attitudes on a daily basis without saying a word. After all, if we said something, there would be a confrontation, that person might get mad at me. I ask you, why are you concerned that some rude retail clerk or cashier that you will probably never see again is mad at you? Yet, whatever the reason may be, we say NOTHING! That causes a problem. It allows the person to continue to act in a way that is unacceptable. They get away with it, and, in playground terms, that's not fair!

Yesterday evening something happened that made me as "mad as hell." My daughter was in Yankee Candle at Regency Square. A friend of hers from school works there. She walked into the store and spoke to her friend. She was actually talking to her about the candles, a product I assume they want to sell at Yankee Candle. In the 15 minutes that she was in the store, 3 different customers came in. My daughter's friend greeted each customer and asked if she could help them. All said they were just looking. The store manager obviously had a problem with the fact that my daughter was talking to one of her store clerks, even though she did not stop doing her job in any way because my daughter was there, and, in fact, my daughter was actually asking about the product. The manager asked my daughter to leave the store. My daughter asked her why. She said that the clerk was not allowed to talk to her friends. My daughter said she was asking about the candles to which the manager responded that she still couldn't talk to her and she needed to leave the store. My daughter left.

Fortunately for the manager, my daughter did not tell me about this until we were out of the mall and in the car, because, believe me, if we had still been in the mall she would have heard an earful. In fact, security probably would have been called. Yes, I was that mad. If she had a problem with her employee talking to a friend, albeit about the product, she should have called the employee over to speak to her. She had no right to ask my daughter to leave the store. My daughter had done nothing wrong. She wasn't shoplifting or causing a disturbance or trashing the store. She was just asking the clerk about her opinion on the products. Correct me if I'm wrong. Isn't that what a clerk is supposed to do?

Needless to say, I will never buy another Yankee Candle product, and their corporate office will know why. I'm sure they won't care, but at least I will have stood up for myself and my family and said, "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!"

I took a trip to Laramie today.

My oldest daughter was involved in a high school one act competition today. Her school's entry..."The Laramie Project." If you are not familiar with the play it is a collection of interviews with different people who were involved in or affected by the brutal torture and murder of a young man that took place in 1998 in Laramie, Wyoming. The young man's name was Matthew Shepard, and he was murdered because he was gay. Heavy, right? I decided at the last minute to take my lunch hour and try to make it out to the school to see the play. Because of the snow here, they were not able to do a performance for parents. I didn't really know what to expect. Hearing my daughter talk, it just wasn't ready for an audience. I also didn't know how a high school audience would react given the subject matter. My fears soon dissipated as I watched the story unfold. Each student actor knew his part and even though many were playing several characters, each had a distinct and different feel. They really captured the emotion of the piece. I found myself wiping away tears several times in the short 30 minute version of excerpts from the original play. I was very impressed but more than that I was proud of this group of high school students for handling such heavy material with , no pun intended, the weight it deserved. I was also proud of the auditorium full of teens who listened intently and with respect to this horrendous story, something that would have never happened in my high school days back in the early 80's.

This wasn't a play about homosexuality. It was a play about human beings and how we treat each other. It was about love and hate and indifference and triumph. Sometimes theatre has one purpose and one purpose only...to entertain. Other times it's purpose is to make us think, and examine ourselves and the world in a different way. My trip to Laramie definitely changed my world. Thank you cast.

What are you giving up?

Today is Ash Wednesday and so marks the beginning of the holy season of Lent. Beginning with the start of the day at 12 AM Eastern Standard Time, I gave up chocolate until Easter morning. In years past I have given up soft drinks, french fries, and even last year, I gave up Chick-Fil-A. I jokingly said that they would go out of business because I went there for lunch at least 3 times a week. When it happens to come up in conversation that I am giving up something for Lent, I always get the same reaction, "I didn't know you were Catholic," or "I don't do that. I'm not Catholic." Well, I'm not Catholic, and I still do it. It's about the sacrifice. I am a Christian and therefore believe that Jesus died to save me from my sins. I spend this time going without something that I love in remembrance of the sacrifice he made for me. It wouldn't mean anything if I gave up asparagus or egg salad, I hate those things.
There is a dialogue in the movie Doubt that I love. It's between Father Flynn played by Philip Seymour Hoffman, Sister Aloysius played by Meryl Streep and Sister James played by Amy Adams. It's very short, if you blink you'll miss it. All three are having a meeting and tea is offered. The dialogue goes like this:

SISTER JAMES

Would you like a cup of tea, Sister

Aloysius?

SISTER ALOYSIUS

No, I’ve already had my cup.

FLYNN

Is there sugar?

SISTER ALOYSIUS

Sugar? Yes! (Goes to her desk,

rummages in a drawer.) Yes. It’s

somewhere here. I put it in the

drawer for Lent last year and never

remembered to take it out.

FLYNN

(Winking at Sister James)

Ah, it mustn’t have been much to

give up then.

I couldn't say it better. So, I will do without my chocolate, and everytime I pass the candy jar in my office full of Hershey's Kisses or someone brings in Brownies or my kids forget and offer me an Oreo, I will think of a much greater sacrifice made for me. What are you giving up?

Wow...I never thought about that!

This past Saturday night I was a little nervous thinking about the fact that I had to teach Sunday School the following morning. I had "stepped up" to teach a series in the month of February on LOVE. I wanted a little reassurance on my lesson, so I began to discuss the topic with my 14 year old. We were talking about God's sadness at how the human race was turning out in the old testament. We talked about how the very thing that Lucifer feared, the thing that caused him to be cast out of heaven had happened. Then, my 14 year old asks me this question, " Do you think Lucifer still loves God?" Wow! I never thought about that. I said that Lucifer/Satan is the epitome of evil. Then she says that she believes he does still love God. That the temptation of man is to show God that man is a flawed creation, to prove his original point more or less, very much like a spurned child would try to prove to a parent that they were right and to earn favor back. The following morning we posed the same question to my 17 year old. Without knowing what her sister had said she answered the same way and for the same reasons. I guess it's not always the parent who is doing the teaching to the child. What a pleasant surprise when it is the other way around. ...The sculpture in the photo is by Guillaume Geef. I chose it because I think we forget that Lucifer is an angel. This image is so beautiful. I think that is important to remember. If temptation was ugly or scary, we wouldn't so easily fall prey to it.

Today was a much better day!

Isn't it just like God to send you the encouragement you need just when you need it most? In yesterday's post, it was pretty obvious that I was really wondering if I could be doing a better job as a mom. Today, two really great things happened that told me that I must be doing okay. Work today was crazy. The phone was ringing off the hook, and I barely had time to breathe. About mid morning, a call came in on my personal line. I didn't recognize the number, but I thought it might be one of the girls' schools calling for something. It was. My 14 year old's English teacher was calling. Parent teacher conferences are coming up and when she introduced herself on the phone I thought she was going to ask if I wanted to set up a time. She was actually calling to tell me that I had a great kid, and she just loved her. She told me that whatever I was doing, I was doing it right. That's all she called for. I was blown away. The second thing that happened today was that my 17 year old won first place in Prose in a Forensics competition. She is definitely talented, but obviously she has confidence in herself, and I hope that is something I have instilled in her. Thanks, God, for sending me those signs that even though it's hard, I must be doing it right.

Working Single Mother...Not the Easiest path to take.

Today was a particularly tough day. I have been a single mother now for almost 13 years. I feel like I've got a pretty good handle on how to do it, and then comes a day like today to smack me back down into the realm of "This is freakin' hard!!!!!" When I was married as a mere child of 19...by a week, I made a decision. I wanted to wait to have my children until I was able to stay home and take care of them. I wanted "motherhood" to be my full time job. That dream lasted 4 years and then the bubble was burst when I found myself single at age 34 with a 5 year old and a 2 year old. Luckily, I had lots of supportive family to help me through those very early years. My mom and dad...I miss you daddy...were invaluable watching the girls and made it possible for me to keep the girls out of daycare since I had to return to work thus branding me the "Working Single Mother." Let's face it. Motherhood is not easy under the best of circumstances, but there are some days when trying to go it alone seems to be impossible. Today was one of those days. Today was a day when job got in the way of what I need to be first, a "Mom." Today was one of those days when I just wanted someone to lean on, to hold me, and say, "It's okay. I'm here to help. We'll fix it together." Now, before we all put our "pity party" hats on and sing the blues, I wrote this not to complain but to let anyone know who might read this, whose in the same plight, you're not alone. I raise my glass to any parent who is out there trying to do this by yourself. It ain't easy, but hang in there, and do the best you can. I am, and I have two blessings in my life to prove it.

Happy Birthday Gypsy Rose Lee

This afternoon as my daughter was flipping channels she came across the musical "Gypsy" on TCM. I can't remember if I have ever seen this film in it's entirety, but piecing all the pieces together that I have seen, I have probably seen the whole thing. It reminded me that when I was little, I don't know, maybe 5 or 6, I announced to my parents that I wanted to be Gypsy Rose Lee when I grew up. I know...says a lot about me doesn't it? But I digress. I'm sure I had seen the movie as a child and thought how beautiful Natalie Wood was and how much I'd like to be that "star" Mama Rose kept talking about. It wasn't that at age 5 or 6 that I wanted to be a striptease artist much to my parents relief I am sure, but it is probably one of the earliest memories I have of when I decided I wanted to be on stage and a performer. Today as I watched the movie it occurred to me that I had never seen a picture of the real Gypsy Rose Lee. With the modern wonders of technology, I pulled up images on Google. She was really a beautiful woman. I also saw as I searched that her birthday was yesterday, February 9th. So Happy Birthday, Gypsy Rose Lee, and thanks for inspiring me to "entertain."

Really Henrico? Really?

Yes, I realize that Henrico County has missed quite a bit of school because of snow, but that does not mean making a stupid decision like today and opening when snow is falling on top of ice outside is smart regardless of the fact that the forecast said it would stop by 9AM. Nobody wants a ton of make-up days, but no one wants to die or be injured on the way to school either. It's a tough call, and I wouldn't want to be the one making it, but last Friday they cancelled on the threat of snow. It turned out to be a good decision, but I still think the best motto is "Better safe than sorry." We're not Chicago or New York or Vermont. We aren't a state that stays covered in snow all winter, so yes, we are all learning as we go, but let's err on the side of caution, shall we?

To sleep, perchance to......Nah, just to sleep.

I can't remember when I became a night owl. The very first time I ever stayed up all night, I think I was 10. It was a sleepover. Actually I think all this started when I found myself suddenly single after 15 years of marriage. I started a really bad habit of staying up until I was absolutely exhausted so that when I laid down I would pass out therefore avoiding thinking about my life and all the crap I was dealing with at the time. That was 13 years ago, and I still find myself staying up way too late. This would be fine if I was a comedian or a rock star and I could sleep all day. Alas, this is not the case, and I must rise everyday with normal Americans and function in the 9 to 5. Surprisingly, I seem to be able to pull this off....for now. I do wonder when all this will catch up with me. I really hope I don't wake up one day and find a 90 year old face looking back at 46 year old me from the mirror.

A Wizard of Oz Snuggie...Now I've seen everything.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love "The Wizard of Oz." I've collected things most of my adult life. I have ruby slipper pins, music boxes, flair, posters and movie stills, and even a full Pez set of "WofO" characters. I thought I had seen everything and then this past Christmas morning I opened a present from my oldest daughter. It was a "Wizard of Oz" Snuggie. I love it and I love her for getting it for me. I don't know how good I'll be at this blog thing, but I thought I'd give it a try, so I'm getting my feet wet with this because this pretty much wraps up....get it? wraps up...snuggie?....my personality.....a 46 year old woman who loves getting cozy in a "Wizard of Oz" Snuggie.