When I started this blog almost 4 years ago, I didn't know what kind of writer I was. I didn't even know if I could write. And if I could, would anyone want to read it? To my surprise I have had many people tell me that they like my writing, and I am flattered to say the least, but I think there is a reason that my blog has met with approval and enjoyment by the reader. I decided when I started that I would not just write to be writing but that I would only write when inspired. Sometimes that inspiration has come out in the form of rants, sometimes humor, sometimes fond memories and tributes to those I love, but I always have something to say that means something to me and so, I assume, strikes a chord in others. This post will be no different.
It is no secret that I love music. I love to sing it! I love to listen to it, and play it, although I wish I was better at the latter. But music, whatever form it takes, can be so powerful! I have been moved to tears at its beauty, rocked out to it blaring out of my car speakers with the windows down, and used it to calm both of my girls when they were babies. Who doesn't feel a sense of longing when they hear Judy Garland sing those beautiful words, "If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow, why, oh, why can't I?" or terror when you hear those low strains of the cello slow at first and then faster and faster adding tympani as the shark is approaching? Years ago I saw the Disney film, Up. If you saw the film, you know where I am going, and right now, your mind is hearing that ragtime style piano, and your eyes are welling with tears. For those who have not seen it, the beginning of the film contains a montage of pictures underscored by Michael Giaccino's music. The montage spans a couple's life together, their highs and lows, and as all sweet love stories, it must come to an end. When I saw the film I cried like a baby, but later I was in the room when my girls were watching. I was faced away from the screen putting my make-up on, and I had to make them turn the film off because simply hearing the music was stirring up that sadness again, and I began to cry. Wimp that I am or glutton for punishment, whichever you prefer, I just pulled up that piece of music on YouTube to play while I am writing, and I had to take my glasses off because I am sitting here crying. All of this to say, music has IMMENSE power over us.
I was recently introduced to a new song by A Great Big World called Say Something. It is so simple but incredibly moving. It begins with the pounding of a single note on the piano, slowly chords are added and finally strings. Nothing grandiose, nothing driving, the melody by itself sounds lonely, but then the vocals begin, "Say something. I'm giving up on you." As the song goes on it tells a story. Like many great songs, it is about a relationship. This particular relationship is obviously one sided. One half has given up long ago, but the other half has been striving to fight enough for both, holding on with everything they have. This song speaks to the last desperate attempt of the fighter begging for a reason to stay because they just can't fight any longer without a shred of hope to cling to. "Say something." Give me a reason to stay. It is sad and beautiful in its desperation. I cannot express how much this song resonates with me. When my marriage first started to hit the rocks almost 16 years ago, I was that desperate 1/2 fighting to hold on to something, trying to keep the vessel afloat with only me to bail the water, finally drowning as it sank lower and lower and begging for a hand to reach and pull me out so that the marriage could be whole once more. This song describes exactly the way I felt then. And even though I don't want my marriage back it reminded me how very real the hurt was all those years ago. It also made me realize that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, or how much you give, it will never be enough because for a relationship to work, both people have to want it.
Music feeds our souls. It shows us who we are. It lifts us up when we are down and sometimes expresses, better than we ever could, our sorrow. And even if words fail me, music will always...say something.
It all ended at about 4:15 yesterday afternoon. If you follow this blog, I've written several posts about a show I was doing called "Always, Patsy Cline" with Va-Rep Theater here in Richmond. The first run opened January 20, 2012 and ran until April 29, 2012. Because of the popularity of the first run, the powers that be brought it back, and a re-mount opened on August 10, 2012 and closed after six more weeks running with yesterday's matinee. I have spent the better part of a year adoring "Patsy Cline" through the eyes of my character, Louise Seger, a devout, and by today's standards, maybe even crazed fan of Patsy's from 1957 until Patsy's tragic death in a plane crash in 1963. True to form, I was emotional yesterday. You would think after doing the same part for a total of 21 weeks on an average of 4 times a week I would have been ready to say good-bye. Judging from the tears streaming down my face as I made the final speech about how Louise hears of Patsy's death on the radio, I wasn't. Was this show a good time? Yes. Was it fun for the audience? Yes. Was it fun for me? Yes, but it also made me think. It is no secret that I love performing. I feel honored and blessed to be able to share a talent that I have been given with others. That doesn't mean I don't get tired. That doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt when I miss important family things because I'm performing, (my daughter's college orientation). However, comparing my performing life with Patsy Cline's, mine is a dream. I remember the first time I read the speech that Louise makes about Patsy's death. "...they came on the radio and said that Patsy Cline had died in an airplane crash on her way back to Nashville. She was only 30 years old." I thought, wow, she was only 30? Every picture I had ever seen of Patsy Cline made me think she was older than 30. By today's standards, 30 is so young. She obviously did not have it easy, as was the case of so many starts of that era, Elvis, Judy Garland come to mind. There was no spoiling or pampering. Their managers literally worked them constantly. Patsy makes a speech in the show and talks about going to Las Vegas where she will be doing 4 shows a day, 7 days a week. I have done some 2 show days in my time, and even some 3 show days when I was very young, and I was beat, and I wasn't even the headliner. How does someone sing their heart out for 4 shows and even be able to function? In the play when Patsy and Louise meet at a honky tonk in Houston, Patsy has taken a taxi from her hotel way out to a "big old barn like structure out on Hampstead Highway" She has no entourage, no bodyguards, not even a manager with her. She's working with the house band that she's not even sure knows her music and she's all alone. I've never been "on the road", but I know it's a hard life, especially if you have a family. I never thought about that until I did this show. I never thought about the sacrifices that stars like Patsy Cline made to make a living using their gift. When she died at 30, she left two little ones, a boy and a girl, who probably never really got to know their mother because she was on the road while they were young, and then they lost her. Her music touched so many, but at such a great cost to her. Like I said, it made me think. Mostly how very lucky I am, and the next time I want to whine about how tired I am because I have to do a matinee after getting up early to go to church or go to my real job after doing a show the night before, I'll stop and think what things could be like if I was Patsy Cline in 1961, and be thankful.
Today is the anniversary of a very important event, well important to me anyway. On this date back in 1939, The Wizard of Oz premiered at Grauman's Chinese Theater in Hollywood, CA. It is no secret that I absolutely adore The Wizard of Oz. In fact my first blog post was about a Wizard of Oz snuggie that I had received as a Christmas present. I can't ever remember not watching the movie. It has always been in my life. Of course, when I was growing up, back in the mid 1960's and early 70's, there were no VCR's or DVD's or Cable television for that matter. There were 4 stations. ABC, NBC, CBS, and Public Broadcasting. Therefore, The Wizard of Oz was broadcast once a year, and I never missed it until my senior year in high school when a Forensics competition prevented me from my yearly viewing. I was extremely distraught! With the invention of video and now DVD and Bluray, one can watch this amazing movie whenever the urge strikes, and as odd as this may sound, that makes me a little sad because the yearly viewing was an event, something to look forward to, like a holiday. I am, however, very grateful that I have the movie preserved and in my possession to watch in case television ever decides to stop airing it. As much as I love it, I have only seen it on the big screen twice and that was as an adult, although you wouldn't know it by my excited behavior! The Wizard of Oz is one of those movies you either love or hate. I have met some haters in my day, but regardless of what you feel about the the film and its story, I defy anyone to watch it for its production value and not be amazed at the final product and just how well the movie is filmed! Now remember, this was filmed in 1938 when there were no computers, so no CGI (Computer Generated Imagery). Every special effect had to be designed with something tangible and filmed to make the desired effect. The "twister" scene in this film is so realistic, that if I had been on set, I may have pushed Auntie Em out of the way to get to the storm cellar. The idea to film the farm scenes in Sepia tone and the over the rainbow scenes in brilliant color was ingenious, and forget about the Wicked Witch of the West being scary (in fact I know some adults to this day who are afraid of her). It's the Flying Monkeys that are the creepiest! I can't believe they are people in costume. Add to all that a magnificent cast, Judy Garland, Ray Bolger, Bert Lahr, Jack Haley, Billie Burke, Margaret Hamilton and Frank Morgan and you had an awesome film! It has become an icon of the 20th century, and it has been delighting audiences, young and old alike, since it's debut. Whether your child watches it over and over again on DVD or you catch it on TBS when they run it back to back on a weekend ( and don't pretend that when your channel surfing if you see it, that you don't stop. I know I do) it will always be with us as part of our history and part of our hearts.
On this day back in 1922 one of the most amazing entertainers ever known was born, Frances Gumm. You know her as Judy Garland. Anyone who knows me, and, in fact, the very first post of this blog addressed it, I am borderline obsessed with "The Wizard of Oz." I can't remember exactly when I first saw it. I don't remember a time it was not in my life. Back in the days before DVD, video, or even cable the movie was broadcast once a year on network television, and I never missed it until my senior year in high school when competing in the State Forensic tournament prohibited me from seeing it. I was devastated! Needless to say, I LOVE the movie! There are many reasons for this adoration, but the most prominent is "the little girl with the BIG voice, " Judy Garland. When she sings, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," at the beginning of the film, you have to stop and tell yourself, this girl is only 15 years old. It's effortless, her voice just flows out. Many, many people have covered "Over the Rainbow," but none can hold a candle to Judy. As I grew older, my love for movie musicals grew, and in my teen years I purchased the double album soundtrack of "That's Entertainment," a documentary of the movie musical. I played it over and over. There was one section of the album that I particularly loved. It was a section of the film devoted to Judy Garland. It started with "You Made Me Love You," where a very young Judy is singing a letter to Clark Gable and ends with "Get Happy" from "Summer Stock" At the age of 14, I knew every word to every song she sang on that album. She was the personification of the term, "triple threat." Not only could she sing like an angel, but she could hold her own hoofing it up alongside Fred Astaire or Gene Kelly, and she was also a great comedic and serious actress. If you've never seen Judy Garland in anything but "The Wizard of Oz," do yourself a favor and rent "Easter Parade," "Summer Stock," "Meet Me in St. Louis," or scores of others. It's pure joy to watch her. She left us far too soon, and there will never be another like her. She was here such a short time, but during that time she gave everything she had and at great cost to herself for the world's entertainment. So...Happy Birthday, Judy, and thanks for making me love YOU!
