I've Been There!

 I try in this blog not to be SUPER political. There are definitely things I have ranted about, and they may have had political leanings, but at the core, it was usually about a human issue. This post will be no different, but many will see it as political, they may turn a blind eye, or think it is too liberal for their taste, but I cannot sit and be silent anymore. On first hand it may look to you that this is a post about Trump, and in a way, it is, but more than anything it will be about fear and concern for the place I choose to live and the people who surround me locally and nationally. Let me start by saying that I feel uniquely qualified to share these thoughts because I have been on the other side. (Insert GASP here!) I grew up in a very "Republican" home. I can remember as a very small child the celebration and comments in my home when Nixon won over George McGovern. It was 1972, I was 9, and Nixon won 49 of the 52 states. My father was most vocal about it, and I remember a sense of gloating that McGovern couldn't even carry his own state. I also remember that when Nixon "resigned" there was a strong feeling in my house of sympathy and indignation. Surely, this great man had been railroaded. Now remember, this was 1974, and we didn't have news every second of every day. We couldn't glance down at our phones and get the latest headlines, and the most we heard about any side other than our own was on Meet the Press on Sunday mornings. At 10 years old, that program was not on my list of favorites. As I grew up, I didn't really pay much attention to politics, and like many young people, I adopted the leanings of my Parents. We voted Republican! The first Democrat I remember voting for was Doug Wilder for Virginia's Governor. That was in 1989, and I had been out of my parental home for 7 years at that point. I have been on the side of "People on welfare are lazy" "They need to get a job!" "Why should my tax dollars pay for them to stay home?"  Ironically when my husband left me with nothing and 2 small children to rais and no job, I had to go on welfare. I have also been close, not all the way, but close to the Evangelical Christian side, believing the hype that Democrats and liberals want to take away prayer and they are waging a war on Christmas. I was a "God said it! I believe it! That's the end of it!" person. I did not want to hear any other opinions in contradiction to my faith, and when explored or mentioned, I became defensive. So when I write these next words they are not coming from someone who "doesn't know how you feel." I literally have walked in your shoes, and have been, by the Grace of God, shown the light, so believe me when I say, I am very frightened of the turn this country and its people have taken over the last 4 years. Back in 2016 when the election was going on my oldest daughter was very worried that Trump would win. I kept saying, "Honey, he's not going to win." The "Grab-em" comment alone should have tanked his chances. Certainly just 4 years prior the leaked video of Romney's 47% comments caused his campaign to take a hit. Imagine my shock when the next morning we woke up to the news that Donald Trump was President. Even then, I told my daughter, don't worry, we have a government that will keep him in check. That's the way a checks and balances system works. That was 4 years ago, although it seems like 10. Here we sit, most of us in our homes, not by choice, with close to 200,000 U.S. citizens dead from a Pandemic that was mishandled from the beginning and continues to be. We have people out in droves who are proudly showing their hate of fellow human beings and Trump is throwing gasoline on that fire, and NO ONE  is doing anything to stop him! He does whatever he wants, says whatever he wants (truth or not) and people cheer his hate and mocking on! They are perfectly fine with it because his hate and mocking has empowered them. They finally have validity because the President of the United States feels this way. It can't be wrong! Now, when I said earlier I know how you feel, I was not talking about hate. That I do not understand and never will. I write this to say, Wake up Christians! He is not your Christian President! I don't care what his stance is on abortion and a woman's right to choose. If all of a sudden his fan base was Pro-Choice, he would be too. If he is President for another 4 years, I am truly afraid of what our government will be. How many more will die because He won't listen to medical experts? How many more will be killed because of the color of their skin because he will not admit that racism is rampant in this country and something needs to be done? How many senior citizens will die because they can't afford health care if Medicare and Medicaid is taken away. I have been working since I was 18, and I have paid into that system, trusting I would be able to use it when I reached an age (forget retirement, that will never happen for me) where I can no longer work. I know this is falling on deaf ears if you are part of the cult, but PLEASE, if you think your vote won't matter, or you don't particularly care for Biden, or any other reason you're on the fence, PLEASE vote to get TRUMP out of office. On my way to work today, one man was standing on the median with a homemade poster that said, "VOTE like your life depended on it! BIDEN-HARRIS 2020!" I honked and waved with a thumbs up because you know what? IT DOES!

Check on Your Strong Friends!

Last weekend I was not in a good place. A little background in case you don't know me. I am a strong person. I "keep it together!" I am great in a crisis for that very reason. I may fall apart afterwards when I am alone, and no one else needs me, but in the middle of the chaos, you can count on me. To be sure, I am an emotional person, but when I let myself be. I often say that the reason I get so overcome and cry at movies and television shows, heck, even commercials, is because that is my release. In my real life I am the rock. Now, I think part of this is due to the fact that I have been a single mom since my girls were 2 and 5. They are now 24 and 27. When you are a single parent, you learn to put yourself on the back burner. This is not a complaint, just a statement of fact. If you are a single parent reading this, you know exactly what I mean. There is no one to "take care" of you emotionally or physically. We are the text book definition of "walk it off." I think the period of raising my children alone certainly honed my "keep it together" skills. However, they did not begin with single parenthood. I can remember when my grandfather died in 1993. I was 19, and I was extremely close to him. His death rocked me. I have a thing about not looking at dead bodies of people. I have an extremely visual memory, and I DO NOT want THAT to be the image I hold of my loved one forever. I was married at the time of my grandfather's funeral, but my husband was singing for the service and not with me in the private family room. The time came when the funeral director comes and asks the family if they want one last look before they close the casket. My mother and father filed out, and I cannot remember who else. I stayed behind, and then I heard my mother yelling for my grandfather to get up and sing with her. No one was making her stop or come away, so I walked out trying my best to not look into the casket, and I pulled my mother away and back into the private room, "keeping it together." When my own father passed away many years later in 2007, my children were young, and him being the only "father" with a constant presence in their lives, they were devastated when he died. I was too, but it is "my job" to "keep it together." I sat in between the two of them trying my best to comfort them. I'm not saying I didn't shed tears, but I kept it together. I am telling these stories to illustrate the fact that I don't usually fall apart, not when it counts, not when I am needed. Last weekend, I sat in my house, alone, and ugly cried for about 30 minutes. I mean wailing! The last time I remember doing that was last July when my sweet kitty of 18 years died. Even then I could not give myself time to grieve because I had to "pull myself together" as it was my first day with my summer teen theatre group. Why am I sharing all of this? Because we are in the middle of the craziest, most depressing time in my 56 almost 57 year old life. Theatre, one of my passions, is cancelled for the foreseeable future. I have not seen my 81 year old mother, who lives in a skilled nursing facility, since March 9 and have no idea when I will see her again, and even when I will be able to visit, how safe it will be. My sister moved to Florida permanently at the beginning of June, and I miss her, and I am concerned about the lack of following rules for the Pandemic, especially in her state, and the absolute disregard for human life in this country, whether it be something so small as refusing to wear a mask to protect others or as huge as the rampant racist police brutality so prevalent in America and the blatant show of hate to anyone different than ourselves. My heart is broken, and I fell apart! So, during this time, take care of yourself. Let yourself grieve and mourn the loss of life the way you knew it, but especially, check on your "strong" friends. They may need it more than you think.