Is it Love that Brings You Here or Love that Brings You Life?

I haven't written in over 2 months, and there's a reason for that. I've been a little busy. I have been planning a wedding. No, not for myself, "It's not for me. It's not in the cards." (random Gilmore Girls reference) It was for my youngest daughter. I have written about my daughters before. They are the bright spots in my life. It has been the three of us most of their lives, as I have mentioned in several posts before. I am a single mom and have been for the last 25 years. Their father left when they were 5 and 2. We have been a household of 3 women for a good portion of those 25 years until about 5 years ago my youngest brought a young man into our lives. Georgi is very much like me. She knows what she wants, and once she decides that's what she wants, nothing will change her mind, not even when it seems that every force in the world is fighting against what she wants. She will not be shaken! And so it was in the journey of her relationship with Scott. There were many ups and downs and trials and struggles that they both faced together and apart, but through it all Georgi knew that she loved Scott, and nothing in the world would be right unless they were together. Two days ago they were married. Anyone who knows me well would probably make the observation that I am a true romantic at heart. Some might even say old-fashioned. I believe in true love and soul mates. I have watched Georgi and Scott's relationship from the beginning, and I truly believe that they are each other's person. There was a lot leading up to this wedding. Georgi and Scott are both creative artists, and they wanted to have a DIY wedding. Everything for this wedding except for 2 food items for the reception was implemented, made, baked, cooked, carved, painted, decorated, etc. by Georgi or Scott or someone from one of the two families. This was not a "Secure a venue and caterer, and show up on the day of" wedding. Work, and I mean hard work, went into making this day possible, but it could not have been more beautiful or suiting for these two wonderful people! When they set the date of the beginning of November and said they wanted everything to be outside, I was anxious about weather. It could not have been more perfect than it was on Saturday! They were married in a small clearing in the woods on Scott's parent's property. We were surrounded by trees and autumn leaves that had fallen to the ground. It was magical! The two people officiating were a husband and wife that are 2 of Scott and Georgi's closest friends, and it made the ceremony so intimate and personal. Of course, that meant needing more tissues. I was really glad my mother of the bride dress had pockets! I watched them exchange their vows as they were both overcome with true emotion, and I just knew that I had been blessed to see one of the great love stories from the beginning. Given my history, I could have been cynical about love, doubtful that true love even really exists. I'm not that way, but if I was, seeing Georgi and Scott together would change my mind. I did not give a toast at the reception yesterday, but if I had, it would have gone something like this:

" Georgi and Scott - I thought this day would never come, but as we got closer, I found myself wishing for more time, mainly because I didn't think we could get everything done in time. I worried and fussed right up until the minute I walked up the stairs to get ready for today. Everything had to be perfect, but what I was failing to focus on, and, once again, as she has done so many times in the past, Georgi reminded me of what was truly important. If literally everything about today had fallen through, it still would have been perfect because I am looking at a married couple right now. That was the goal. That was the focus. Everything else was just window dressing. When Georgi and Scott had been together for a "few" years, we were wondering if there was going to be a proposal and when. They just seemed perfect for each other. I knew engagement rings were expensive, and I knew Scott well enough that he would want to give Georgi the best. I decided to text him and tell him that I had the diamond from my engagement ring, and he was welcome to have that if he wanted, but how do you do that without sounding pushy? [In my best "Fiddler on the Roof" matchmaker voice, "So, are you going to marry my daughter or not?"] On March 6, 2022, I took the plunge, with my ending words being "if this text was weird, no need to respond , and we never have to speak of it again." He responded with a very sweet text ending with, "I guess this means I have your permission." And now a year and 8 months later, here we are. To Scott - I could not ask for a better man to be my little girl's partner in life! You are loving and respectful and so kind, but most of all, I know that you will be there for Georgi no matter what. You encourage and support her. Her dreams are just as important to you as your own, and that is so important in a marriage to lift each other up and believe in each other. Thank you. And to Georgi, my baby girl, my little me, stubbornness and all, my cheerleader and friend, my voice of reason, my inspiration to be a better person - you are so wise beyond your 27 years. I will miss our late night talks and hearing you sing as you are doing some task or working on your latest project. I will miss talking all evening in whatever random accent we have chosen, or watching "our shows." But even as much as I will miss you, I know that this is exactly the way things are supposed to be, and your life is going to be so amazing because of who you are, and because the man you have chosen to go through life with is the man that was always chosen for you. It just took some time for all of it to work out perfectly. I love you both, and I am so looking forward to watching your love grow through the years. 

Say Something.

When I started this blog almost 4 years ago, I didn't know what kind of writer I was. I didn't even know if I could write. And if I could, would anyone want to read it? To my surprise I have had many people tell me that they like my writing, and I am flattered to say the least, but I think there is a reason that my blog has met with approval and enjoyment by the reader. I decided when I started that I would not just write to be writing but that I would only write when inspired. Sometimes that inspiration has come out in the form of rants, sometimes humor, sometimes fond memories and tributes to those I love, but I always have something to say that means something to me and so, I assume, strikes a chord in others. This post will be no different.
It is no secret that I love music. I love to sing it! I love to listen to it, and play it, although I wish I was better at the latter. But music, whatever form it takes, can be so powerful! I have been moved to tears at its beauty, rocked out to it blaring out of my car speakers with the windows down, and used it to calm both of my girls when they were babies. Who doesn't feel a sense of longing when they hear Judy Garland sing those beautiful words, "If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow, why, oh, why can't I?" or terror when you hear those low strains of the cello slow at first and then faster and faster adding tympani as the shark is approaching? Years ago I saw the Disney film, Up. If you saw the film, you know where I am going, and right now, your mind is hearing that ragtime style piano, and your eyes are welling with tears. For those who have not seen it, the beginning of the film contains a montage of pictures underscored by Michael Giaccino's music. The montage spans a couple's life together, their highs and lows, and as all sweet love stories, it must come to an end. When I saw the film I cried like a baby, but later I was in the room when my girls were watching. I was faced away from the screen putting my make-up on, and I had to make them turn the film off because simply hearing the music was stirring up that sadness again, and I began to cry. Wimp that I am or glutton for punishment, whichever you prefer, I just pulled up that piece of music on YouTube to play while I am writing, and I had to take my glasses off because I am sitting here crying. All of this to say, music has IMMENSE power over us.

I was recently introduced to a new song by A Great Big World called Say Something. It is so simple but incredibly moving. It begins with the pounding of a single note on the piano, slowly chords are added and finally strings. Nothing grandiose, nothing driving, the melody by itself sounds lonely, but then the vocals begin, "Say something. I'm giving up on you." As the song goes on it tells a story. Like many great songs, it is about a relationship. This particular relationship is obviously one sided. One half has given up long ago, but the other half has been striving to fight enough for both, holding on with everything they have. This song speaks to the last desperate attempt of the fighter begging for a reason to stay because they just can't fight any longer without a shred of hope to cling to. "Say something." Give me a reason to stay. It is sad and beautiful in its desperation. I cannot express how much this song resonates with me. When my marriage first started to hit the rocks almost 16 years ago, I was that desperate 1/2 fighting to hold on to something, trying to keep the vessel afloat with only me to bail the water, finally drowning as it sank lower and lower and begging for a hand to reach and pull me out so that the marriage could be whole once more. This song describes exactly the way I felt then. And even though I don't want my marriage back it reminded me how very real the hurt was all those years ago. It also made me realize that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, or how much you give, it will never be enough because for a relationship to work, both people have to want it.
Music feeds our souls. It shows us who we are. It lifts us up when we are down and sometimes expresses, better than we ever could, our sorrow. And even if words fail me, music will always...say something.