Don't Feed the Animals!

Last night my youngest daughter said something to me that I didn't really take as seriously as I should have. I am sure everyone knows by now what happened in my home state of Virginia on Saturday. I even wrote a post about it just a couple of days ago. I have to say I have become a little obsessed with reading all the articles, and interviews, and tweets about the event and the "president's" (lower case intended) response to the entire situation. Along with reading that news, I am also reading comment after comment from people about each article, etc. etc., the good and the bad. She looked at me and said, "I don't want you on your phone all of the time reading all this negative stuff." I put it away until I was by myself much later last night, and I began to look through Facebook again. Opening up each MUST READ. I came upon an HBO documentary about last Saturday's events, an inside look at what led up to, and all during the monstrosity from the perspective of the "Alt-Wrong" It was truly terrifying! Every word out of these people's mouths was hurtful and hateful and disgusting. They are so angry, and with the empowerment and approval of the "president" they are ready to "Take back their country" by FORCE. There are 2 words missing from that sentence, "if necessary." The reason they are missing is because they are planning on using force. They want to. They can't wait for the next time to see how they can top last Saturday. Killing one girl wasn't enough. In their leader's own words, they showed restraint Saturday. To me that means one death was not enough, they want more. They are blood thirsty animals, and they scare the shit out of me! I was more frightened by Saturday's events than I was after 9/11. I had a hard time going to sleep last night. My little girl was right. How can I function when every free moment I am reading about hate and evil and violence? Will Smith said, "Racism isn't getting worse. It's getting filmed." That's it! It has always been there, but now we literally have the ability to see everything that is going on everywhere every minute of the day, and we have become addicted to it, at least I have. The monkey on my back is Facebook. Facebook started out for me as a way to see friends and their kids and to connect about shows and to make up funny things to be my "status, " and scrolling through, I saw much of the same, but, like everything else, it has evolved, and I don't really like what it has become, but I can't let go. Not just about this issue, but I have seen friends attacked verbally, and, no, I am not exaggerating, for posting a video or quote that they believe in or find poignant, or thought-provoking, and people tear into them as if they had challenged them to a duel. I will guarantee those same people would not have the guts to blast with both barrels if they were having a conversation face-to-face, but hiding behind the phone or computer screen they are empowered. Well, I'm sick of it! ALL of it! Now, please don't take this as me putting my head in the sand and pretending none of this is happening. I'm not! I have other ways of finding things out, keeping abreast of current events. I do not need it in my face every waking moment. Can we go back to the days of "Film at 11?" I know it's out there, and I want to make it go away, but I will be honest, I don't want to put myself in harm's way, nor do I want my children to put themselves in harm's way. If that makes me a coward, well, paint me yellow. I am all about standing up for what is right and what I believe in, but these people aren't Westboro Baptist Church. They are armed and dangerous, and they want to fight! They also want attention as does their inspiration, DJT. You can't fight these people with love, not as an organized group at least. You fight all of this by not engaging, not paying attention. If no one is there to film their ridiculous behavior and their words of hate and disrespect, it takes the wind out of their sails. "If a tree falls in the forest..."
When all of this happened Saturday, and there was rumor that it would happen here as well, someone commented to let them show up to a literal Ghost Town, no businesses open, no one on the street, nothing, including NO MEDIA! To whom would they spew their hate then? It would be as if they had never been there. I like that idea, a lot! I just wish that we could all agree to do exactly that. I am, at least going to start by trying not to dwell on the negative. If you starve the animal, it cannot live! Don't feed the BEAST!

The Beast is FREE

It is a little after 10 on Sunday night, and I have just come in from standing outside holding a tiny tea light candle (because it was the only thing I could find) as a vigil for Heather Heyer, a girl I never met and whose family I do not know. In fact I know nothing about her except this: Yesterday she was mowed down by a car that purposely drove into a group of people gathered to oppose the "Alt-Right" (TRANSLATION: WHITE SUPREMACISTS, NAZIS and the KKK) at their "Unite the Right" (which I would like to refer to it as "Unite the Wrong") rally in Charlottesville on Saturday morning. Supposedly these groups were there to protest the removal of a statue of Robert E. Lee from a park in Charlottesville. I say supposedly because if all they were there to do was protest, make their voice and opinions heard, why did they show up in riot gear with clubs and guns and other weapons?
Charlottesville is an hour's drive from me. I have been there many times. It's a quiet little college town. Friday night it turned into something else. It was as if some giant clock had been turned back to 1950. Hundreds of white men carrying tiki torches - don't even get me started on the irony of that - flooded UVA's campus standing in front of the Rotunda chanting "You will not replace us" "Jews will not replace us." (Side note: What do Jews have to do with anything about the Robert E. Lee statue?), but I digress. Here's the thing. They weren't there about the statue at all. That was the excuse for white men from all over the country to come to this little town to intimidate people with fear and hate, because that's what their groups are about. They hate people who aren't white. I did not know this until today as I just read an article from UVA's president's perspective about Friday night, but the Tiki Torch Terrorists were violent on Friday night when they gathered in front of the Rotunda when NO ONE was there to oppose them. They were primed and ready to cause some trouble on Saturday. They never made it to where the rally was to be held because it was broken up before then, and yes, both sides did engage, but no one in that group of people walking away from the rally was doing anything to provoke anyone. They were trying to walk through a very narrow street to get back to their cars or their homes, much like they would be if they were leaving a huge concert, and this car speeds through and purposely hits them. Heather Heyer was in that group, and she died Saturday. SHE DIED!!! Correction: She was murdered.
When I woke up Saturday, image after image popped up as I scrolled through my newsfeed on Facebook, and I thought, this can't get worse. What is going on? A Nazi flag was being carried, proudly, mind you,  through the streets of a little town in my state, and before the day was over an innocent girl had been murdered. What the hell people? The beast has been let out of its cage, and I have no idea how we are going to get him back in again and at what cost?

That Could Have Been Me

Unless you live in a cave without any contact with the outside world, you know the name Hannah Graham. She is the UVA student who was reported missing more than 10 days ago. I have followed this case closely, reading every update that appears in my newsfeed. There are a lot of reasons for that, I suppose. 1. It's right up the street from me, not an hours drive away, in a town I've been to many times. 2. I've walked that mall where we have now seen surveillance video played and re-played hundreds of times 3. She is the same age of one of my own precious girls and not that much younger than my oldest. But until now, I have not really thought about writing a post. I read a post from another source, and it really got me thinking. This is tragic. It's a horrific situation, and I cannot imagine the Hell that her parents are going through right now. I am not sure I would be able to hold it together if it was one of my two cherished daughters that was missing. I do not know what the outcome will be. I fear as more and more days pass that it will not be good. The sad but true part of this is that this kind of thing happens all the time, and the more I thought about it, and after I read the article today, I had to say something. So here in my safe haven of "So...I Was Thinkin'" I will share my thoughts and feelings. Often times with tragedy we look for a lesson. We have to find something we can learn, some little piece of wisdom we can take with us to tell ourselves that the suffering produced some minute piece of something positive. I am sure that when this story first broke many of you, as did I, thought, what a stupid move. Why would she wander around dressed like that in the middle of the night drunk and ALONE? Doesn't she know what kind of world is out there? Doesn't she know that's dangerous? What was she thinking? Well, I'll tell you what she wasn't thinking. She certainly wasn't thinking that she would be the subject of every headline on every news outlet all over the US. She wasn't thinking she wouldn't make it home that night. She wasn't thinking that 1000's of people would be searching for her in the little college town of Charlottesville. You know why I know she wasn't thinking those things? Because if she was, she never would have left the party. She probably never would have taken a drink that night. In fact she may not have gone out at all. But here's the thing. She didn't know what the future held for her. None of us do! If we did, almost nothing would ever go wrong, but we don't. And most of us live with the foolish notion of That'll never happen to me or I'll be fine. I will go so far to say that we, especially women, will ignore our own minds screaming GET OUT!!! SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT! YOU'RE IN DANGER! because we are afraid we are reading the situation wrong. This isn't really what I think it is. I don't want to offend anyone. I'm speaking from personal experience which is why I'm writing this post, and I want you to share it with everyone you know in hopes that they will not go out alone, or let their friends go out alone or get drunk or do anything that would put them in a dangerous situation.
I'm going to share something here that I have told very few people outside of immediate family, mostly because I made some colossally stupid mistakes, and I am embarrassed, and here's the important thing, and I am not being dramatic when I say this. I AM LUCKY TO BE ALIVE! Around 30 years ago, I answered an ad posted in the Classifieds of the Richmond Newspaper to apply with a modeling agency who was looking for Plus Sized models. I was asked to send some full body pictures in different outfits, formal, daywear, sportswear, etc. At the time I was married, and my husband took the pictures, and I sent them in, and a woman contacted me for an interview. I was beyond thrilled! Me! a Model! I had the address, and I was going that afternoon. These were the days before cell phones. I had to get to the interview, and I did not have time to call my husband to tell him I was going. I was given the directions, and I headed out. NO ONE knew where I was going. I told No One. I followed all the directions, and they were leading me into an apartment complex. If you were watching this story as a movie, right now you'd be thinking this looks sketchy. My brain told me that too, but I overrode it, and told myself perhaps there was an office building behind the apartment complex, and I drove on. There wasn't. I pulled up to the address. It was an apartment. Movie audience you is thinking right now, she's not going in there, is she? Once again, my brain said, this isn't right, but I overrode that thought and got out of the car to look for the modeling agency sign on the door (as if that would legitimize the situation) There was no sign on the door. It was a regular metal apartment door. If you're waiting for me to turn around, get back in my car and leave, you'll be waiting a long time. I knocked on the door, and a man answered. As I looked in, I was hoping the apartment had been converted to an office. It wasn't. The dining room table was directly in front of me, and there were salt and pepper shakers on the table. There was also no one else in the apartment, specifically, no women. Ok, get ready to groan, Movie Audience You.  I walked in , and he shut the door behind me. The first thing he offered was an explanation as to why I was in an apartment and not an office. They (the Agency) had found that office buildings were just not accommodating enough to do a successful photo shoot. The interview began. I was on the couch and he across from me on a chair. I was nervous. Remember what I said about our bodies screaming at us, but as the interview went on, I became more relaxed, and I told myself how silly I was being. This was a legitimate interview. He hadn't tried anything. He was asking the appropriate questions. Then he said they'd like to hire me. Wow! I'm going to be a model! Then he told me he just needed to get my measurements, and if I would step back into the bathroom and take my dress off because to get the most accurate measurements, they needed to be taken in my bra and underwear. He then walked out of the living room and back to the back of the apartment. Movie audience you is now yelling, GET OUT OF THERE! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? My mind was telling me that too. I could have just gotten up and walked out the door. I didn't. I walked back to the bathroom and did exactly what he had asked me to do. I stood there in a Maidenform royal blue, bra and pantie set while a complete stranger took my measurements. When he was through, he asked me to get dressed and come out to the living room. As I closed the door and got re-dressed I felt sick to my stomach. I walked out to the living room. He was still in the back bedroom, and yes there was a bed in the bedroom. I yelled back toward the back of the apartment, "Do you have a phone I could use?" His reply, "Why, is someone waiting for you?" Me: "I need to pick my grandmother up from work." I called my grandmother to say I would be a little bit late. Before he came back up, I told him I needed to go. He asked, still from the back, if I wanted to finish the interview. I just repeated that I needed to go, and I left. The whole ride to my grandmother's office I could barely breathe. I felt stupid and ashamed and lucky and relieved all at once. It's that feeling you get when you're just about to cry, but you don't. They contacted me a couple times by phone to ask if I wanted to work for them. I declined. Here's the kicker. 2 years later I'm watching the news, and a picture comes up on the screen of "my interviewer" He had been arrested for taking indecent pictures of minors in his apartment. Anything could have happened to me that day. I could have been raped or killed, and no one would have known what happened or where I'd gone or if they would ever see me again. I could have vanished into thin air just like Hannah Graham. If we were all honest with ourselves, we all have a story like that. We've all ignored reason at one time or another about any kind of situation and later, we said, "Wow! I'm lucky to be alive!" Why did I share that incredibly embarrassing story of my extreme stupidity? Because I want everyone that reads this to learn to be smart and above all to take better care of ourselves and trust our inner thoughts and feelings. If you feel like it's wrong, It's Wrong! Don't find yourself in a situation you cannot get out of. Please don't be another story or headline on the news.