I Wish......

In less than 12 hours my baby, my little girl, will walk across a stage and shake the Principal's hand and be handed a piece of paper, and in about 90 minutes, 13 years of classes, and papers and homework will all come to an end. How is this possible? This is going to sound so cliche, but where does the time go? I swear it was just yesterday that I was worried that if I got a new job that I had interviewed for that I might not be able to watch my baby get on the bus for her very first day of kindergarten. I can still see her in that denim, jumper and purple striped shirt with her, as she has dubbed it, her Dora the Explorer haircut. So much has happened in these 13 years. Lots of ups, a few downs, but always, we went through them together. I'm not going to turn this post into a bragfest. I have written many times about how proud I am of her accomplishments. What I will make this about is what I wish for her. I wish that she will always see how incredibly beautiful she is, and no matter what, that will never change because her beauty shines from the inside. I want her to realize how very talented she is and be confident in what she has to offer. More than anything, I want her to be happy with her choices in life and love and relationships. She has so much to offer as a friend, a wife and, yes, even a mother, someday...NO RUSH, and I mean that. I wish that she will always know that I am here for her no matter what, even if she thinks that what she's going to tell me will make me mad or disappointed, I want her to know that she can tell me ANYTHING. I hope that she will always look back on her childhood as a happy one even with its financial struggles and being raised in a single parent home. I hope that she will look back on the mistakes I have made and remember that most of the time I owned up to them and apologized. I hope that she will remember that I didn't just hear her, I listened to her. More than anything I wish for her true success, the kind that comes from doing what you love and doing it well. So, my sweet girl, as you enter this next phase of your life, make the choices that make YOU happy, even if everyone around you tells you you are foolish. You are so bright, and you, and only you, know the best path to take. Thank you for letting me be on the path with you these past 13 years, and as you now walk ahead, know that I am right behind you. Love you hug you!

Hope for the Future!

When I was in high school, back in the early 80's, I had a dear friend who was gay. Looking back now, I had a lot of friends who were gay, but they were not "out" In fact, a lot of them were pretending to be straight because admitting those feelings to anyone, even yourself was taboo.There was a stigma attached to it that something was wrong with you. People used words like "fairy" and "faggot" in every day conversation without thinking anything of it. In spite of all of this my friend decided in 1982 that he would not deny who he was and was very open about his homosexuality. The phrase "coming out" didn't really exist back then, or if it did, I hadn't heard it used, but my friend was "Out" I often worried about him because threats were made by ignorant people who somehow were threatened by my sweet friend's refusal to deny himself. I loved my friend and was concerned for him, but I never made a public stance in support of his choices. Back then homosexuality and being gay was not openly discussed as it is now. If there were any characters on television who were gay, they were usually the "comic relief", that funny effeminate neighbor. There were certainly no serious characters, and depicting a homosexual relationship was unheard of! I remember the HUGE controversy that surrounded Dynasty in 1981 when Steven Carrington was the first gay character on a series drama. I admired my friend's courage, but I didn't speak out.
Why did I tell you that story? I am overwhelmed and deeply touched by the bold and courageous statements being made in the very public forum of Facebook by my young high school friends who are "coming out" as allies in support of equality for ALL! Bravo! It takes courage and conviction to stand up for what you believe in, especially in the face of opposition on this very sensitive issue! For all the reporting of  drug use and violence and bullying in our schools that make me doubt the future of our country, these young men and women make me proud and give me HOPE!

I'm a Fraud

For a long time now, I have had many friends talk to me about their problems, ask me for advice, insight, and sometimes to offer a word that brings HOPE. In all those instances, I have been there and listened and gave my honest analysis and advised when asked, and yes I have, when needed, tried to ignite HOPE. I am great in doing this for other people, but when it comes to following my own advice, I am an epic failure. I used to be really good at getting back up after I was knocked down, but somewhere along the way I have veered off the path of hope into despair and indignation because life has given me way too many lemons, and frankly I'm sick of lemonade. I mask this pity party with the claim that I am a realist, and I am just trying to see things the way they really are, no rose colored glasses for me! However, my realism has turned into obsession with the phrase "Why me?" Not my usual post, I know, but in the past few days I got some news that really had me not only attending the pity party, but claiming the role of guest of honor. My oldest daughter was accepted to her first choice college. It also happened to be a college that was on tuition exchange with my work. That means there is a possibility that the tuition is paid for, something very important to a single mom struggling to raise 2 kids. I found out a couple of days ago that money may not come through. I was so mad, mad at the University, life, even God. Yet, when I shared the news with my daughter, I got this amazing response. She had this fabulous attitude about it.She knows that things will work out the way they are supposed to. She trusts God and the plan He has for her life. I used to be that way. What happened? How did I stray so far? So...the advice giver now must humble herself and learn a lesson from her child. Things will work out the way they are supposed to. Once we have done all we can do, we need to let it go, and leave it in the hands of God. I had an occasion to be at a hospital today and the hall where I entered had a huge sign over it, and it was also facing me when I exited. It said "Hallway of Hope" I thought to myself as I walked out, "Okay, God, message received." For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future. ~ Jeremiah 29:11