It was exactly a year ago that I headed down to Johnston Willis Hospital in the dark to have a tumor removed from my brain. I didn't know what to expect. Was there going to be a lot of pain? How would I feel afterward? Anesthesia makes me nauseous. What if I got sick after surgery? If I wasn't allowed to sneeze, I am sure it would not be good if I had to throw up after the surgery. All these questions. But... I wasn't worried, and I guess this is what this post is about. I don't worry about things like this. They are what they are, and whatever happens is going to happen, and there's not a whole hell of a lot I can do about it. A week from tomorrow on November 2nd I will be making the same trip to the hospital for the exact same procedure. If you read this blog, you know the details. I am not worried. Again, it is what it is. This has to be done. Let's do it. Friday night I was talking to a friend, and she made the statement, "You're being so brave." I don't see myself that way. I guess it may look that way to others, but I see bravery as the person who runs into the burning building, the policeman, the fireman, the cop, the soldier, not me. “Bravery is a willing decision to do what must be done. Fear is a cancer that is cured only by doing what must be done, backed by an intelligent, open mind.” ― Corey Aaron Burkes
There is no choice in this matter. What is the use in worrying? I have friends and family and even strangers who are praying for me and surrounding me with light and love. What could be better? I have a faith that God will take care of me in His way as He sees fit, and who am I to question His motives? Do I want to do this again? Am I happy about it? Make no mistake on how I feel about that one. No, I do not want to do it again! But I am, and that's really life, isn't it, doing things we don't want to do because they have to be done mixed with things that bring us joy? Whatever you are facing, big or small, find your courage in knowing it has to be done and moving forward. And do not compare your problems with others. Suffering is relative. The next time someone tells you, "It could be worse," or "At least it's not______." Smack them in the mouth, well, maybe just smile and say, "You're right," while envisioning smacking them in the mouth. Just because someone else is going through something worse than you are, does not make you feel better. You have the strength to get through. A little worse for the wear on the other side, but also wiser, and better for getting through it. See you on the other side.
70 years! What a very long time. 70 years ago, it would still be almost 20 years before I would come into this world. My mother was only 5 years old. My grandparents were 34 and 36. No, I am not writing this so that you will know the ages of my family in 1945. What happened 70 years ago today changed the world as we know it. Auschwitz, one of the Nazi's concentration camps was liberated on January 27, 1945. I cannot imagine what the remaining prisoners must have felt after the horrors they had seen and made to endure daring themselves to believe that it could all be over. How could they even imagine waking up on a morning and not wondering if this would be the day they would die or be killed? We can read memoirs and articles and books, and see movies and television shows and be absolutely shocked, but none of us will ever know what any of those people endured.
What allows someone to survive such unspeakable treatment? How can such evil exist? How can one human being treat another human being so terribly simply because they are different? I wish I had an answer. I don't. It is unfathomable to me that people could be so cruel and actually enjoy it.
This day has been designated as International Holocaust Remembrance Day. REMEMBRANCE DAY. Webster defines remember as to have or keep an image or idea in your mind of (something or someone from the past) to think of (something or someone from the past) again. According to this definition, there are very few left who can remember. I wish it were called something else. Remember seems too trivial to me. I want it to be called International Holocaust this happened, and we can never forget that it happened Day. I am so lucky to have grown up in relative comfort and without fear. So many don't. What these people were forced to do on a daily basis would have made me want to run just so that some SS guard's bullet would put me out of my misery, but so many endured, and lived to tell the story the Nazi's tried so hard to cover up. Thousands of people killed a day, a day, and one man convinced a nation it was the right thing to do. That scares the hell out of me! " The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." ~ Edmund Burke
What would have happened if one person had stood up for the right when it first started? We sit back and say, Well, it's not here. It's not happening to me. What can I do? I'm only one person?
First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.
There is a hymn that I absolutely adore. The lyrics, in and of themselves, are phenomenal, but when you know what inspired the lyricist, this particular piece speaks volumes. Many times in life when I feel I have been hit by a barrage of suffering and pain, I have thought of this hymn. Music speaks to me, sometimes when nothing else can. These are the words that I have leaned on, time and time again: When peace like a river attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll, Whatever my lot,
Thou has taught me to say, It is well, it is well, With my soul.
And Lord haste the day that my faith shall be sight, The clouds be rolled back as a scroll, The trump shall resound, And the Lord shall descend, Even so, it is well, With my soul.
Written in 1873 by Horatio Spafford, the hymn was penned as Mr Spafford traveled across the Atlantic to join his wife who had been the sole survivor of a shipwreck of the ocean liner his family had traveled on just weeks before. He lost four daughters to the ocean waters that day. Unfortunately it was not the only tragedy he had suffered in life. He had lost his only son to scarlet fever and every real estate holding he had was destroyed in the Chicago fire. Ironically, the trip was to be a distraction for all the tragedy the family had suffered. Most, faced with such pain, would give up, rail at the heavens, but instead, Spafford writes the most beautiful hymn.
How can this be? The words do not say it is well with me. They say it is well with my soul. Our soul is not of this world. Our soul, I believe, will one day be free of all pain and suffering. Even with the magnitude of earthly suffering that Spafford endured, he knew one day, all the pain would be gone, washed away. His soul would be free. "And Lord haste the day that my faith shall be sight" Translation: My head does not understand this, but my faith tells me that one day all will be well. What AMAZING faith!!!
Why, today, am I writing about this? Because I know someone personally who had this kind of amazing faith that all is in God's hands, and who better to trust? Last week a friend of mine lost her 5 month old son. He was born prematurely with a heart defect that would require a transplant, and he spent most of his time on this earth fighting. His mother journaled every step of the way about his journey, and every entry talked about the fact that she knew all of this was in God's hands, and the awesome trust she had in Him. Even in her grief as she posted when she lost him last week, she spoke of the ending of his suffering and that his heart was now perfect. What a wonderful example and testament to others who are grieving, suffering, and at the end of their rope. I pray that all will continue to be well with your soul, and hope that all who read this today know that nothing is impossible with God.
In recent days I have found myself praying for some very close friends facing major challenges in their life, some physical, some emotional, all difficult. These people have been on my mind and heart for days. I know that not everyone reading this is a praying person, but I am, and I find that sometimes it is the ONLY thing I can do. Prayer gets a bad rap. So many believe that if they pray for something, and it doesn't happen that their prayer is not being heard or answered. Well, sometimes what we pray for is not what is supposed to be. Now, at this point, some of you are saying, then what is the use of praying? Prayer, for me, is not a time for wishes to be granted, although, there are still many times that I find myself with that list that is more suited to sending to Santa Claus rather than God. Sometimes prayer is just about comfort and guidance, especially in a difficult situation. I do not presume to know all the answers of the universe, which is precisely why I pray. I believe in a God who does. That is comforting to me. One of the situations I am praying for right now is about an infant who is literally fighting for his life. His mother journals about what is going on, and yesterday she said, "Pray for peace." What an incredible faith! Peace may come in many different forms, including the loss of her child, and the human part, the selfish part of us wants that child to stay here with us, no matter what, but staying may mean pain and suffering. I know miracles can happen. I believe that, so please don't take this that I don't have hope, I do. We all do. Hope is something we cling to in the worst of times. It has gotten me through more times than I can count. Praying for others also helps me. I find it comforting that there is a plan, that I am not holding all the cards or controlling the situation. I am able to unburden that, and that is a relief.
All of us go through trials. It is part of life, and there is no comparison when it comes to suffering. I always say suffering is relative. I always hated it, and still do, when I was or am going through something that, to me, was awful, and someone would say that things could be worse, and compare my suffering to someone else's situation that trumped my own. Yes, there are definitely people worse off than I am, but knowing that doesn't make what I'm going through any easier. When I am faced with the hardships that friends and family are enduring, it does make me examine my own life and appreciate the joys and blessings that I do have instead of taking them for granted. In the movie "White Christmas", Bing Crosby sings a song that is exactly what I am talking about. The lyrics are, "When I get worried, and I can't sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep, and I fall asleep counting my blessings." Yes, I have had my share of suffering, but my blessings are abundant. Some of which I would not have had it not been for the suffering, blessings in disguise I guess you could say, and for that I am TRULY grateful!
