An Uneaten Slice of Coconut Cake

My daughter and I were riding home from work together on Wednesday evening, and as we passed the new Ukrops Market Hall at the corner of Horsepen and Patterson you could smell the famous fried taters they make, and she asked if we could stop there as she had never been. I pulled into the parking lot, and we went in. We looked around for a few minutes, and as I passed by the cakes I noticed that they had Coconut cakes by the slice. Coconut Cake has always been one of my mom's favorites. When I visit her in the nursing home, I always try to take her a treat, something she loves, a baked potato with all the fixin's, a milkshake, ice cream, my carrot cake (which she has apparently shared about with several of the nurses) and a good Hanover Tomato sandwich. I was able to take her all those things at one time or another, but never Ukrops Coconut Cake because I was never able to find it by the slice. I was thrilled and grabbed a slice to take with me on my visit Friday. Thursday afternoon, yesterday, around 2:45 pm, I got the call that my mother had passed. She had been in Hospice Care for some time - shoutout here to Heartland Hospice! They were amazing! - and in the past 2 weeks she had definitely declined, and I wanted her to cross over as I knew she would be at peace, but it was still a shock. It's funny the little things that we think about when we grieve. I thought about the fact that she didn't get her slice of coconut cake. It is sitting in the fridge on the shelf, and she didn't get it. She wasn't expecting it. It was just something I saw and picked up because I knew she would love it. I am sure I will have that same thought again when I am out or when I make Carrot cake this Thanksgiving or even next summer when Hanover tomatoes are at their ripest that I should take mom this sandwich or slice of cake, she would love this and then realize she is not there to take anything to....I know I just ended the sentence with a preposition, but today is not about grammar. The point is, we are not guaranteed time with anyone. We will all die someday, that is a fact, we just don't know when. I know it's cliché, but make the most of your time for yourself and the people you love. Like all mothers and daughters we had our issues, but in these last 2 years as roles have been reversed, I have had the time to be with her without all the mess of the world. I would just visit and talk. We'd laugh about Andy Griffith or The Golden Girls or she'd ask me questions about what was going on as we sat there and watched Toy Story, or I'd mock the ridiculous, predictable plot of a Hallmark Channel movie, and she'd laugh. I loved my mom, and I know that she knew that. In fact it's the last thing she said to me when I left her room last Sunday afternoon, and they were also the last words she heard from me. I really can't ask for more than that. I am so glad she is at peace and with my dad, and her parents, and best friend and loving pets, but I know I will never pass by coconut cake again and not think of her, and the uneaten slice in the fridge.

We Only Know the Middle. He Knows the End

 

I have not written a post for months. Not sure why. I promised myself when I started this blog that I would not write unless inspired. That sounds like a sad commentary on my life for the last nine months. It hasn't been that I haven't been inspired. I guess I just got the feeling that nobody wanted to listen anymore. Well, I felt like someone out there may need to hear this particular thought. We only know the middle. God knows the end. If you have read this blog at all in the last 12 years that I have been writing it, you know that I am a person of faith. I have been through a lot of things in my life that I know I would not have survived without faith. There is something comforting in knowing that someone bigger and smarter and more compassionate than me is in charge. Now, that is not to say that I don't try to run things in my life, because I DO! usually to my detriment. Something happened a couple of weeks ago that has turned our community upside down. A dear, sweet, faithful, young woman, that I know through the theatre community, was lost in a drowning accident. All of the questions and feelings come rushing forth. Why God? Why her? This is not fair! Anger, Confusion, Resentment, Guilt, Powerlessness, Denial, Devastation, Fear. I could go on and on. If you are not familiar with what happened after the accident, the search for her went on for a week. Here is the amazing thing, and this is why I am writing today. Her mother kept us all updated on Facebook every day as to what was going on. People came out in droves to help in the search. People all over the world were sending messages and praying. Her mother is a great person of faith, and that was clear in every post. I was in awe. I have a daughter almost the same age as hers, and I cannot say that I would have been able to do what she did. Now, many of you, at this point, are saying, "What good did your prayers do? She is still gone. The outcome was tragic!" You are right! The outcome was tragic! A beautiful girl has left this world, and we mourn her loss, and the life unlived, but we only know the middle. He knows the end. We, in our humanness, cannot understand why tragedy happens. I don't think God causes tragedy, but I believe He can take any situation and bring good out of it. We will never know how this event affected people, but God knows. We will never know how a mother's faith and testimony moved people to make it through their own crisis or inspired them to continue in this life, but God knows. We will never know if someone turned to God who had turned away because of this community's love for this family, but God knows. If any of those things happened, I know that this sweet girl is rejoicing that it did. Please do not twist my words and think that I am glad this happened. That is not what I am saying at all! What I am saying is that we cannot give up when things seem darkest. We have purpose! We have meaning! whether we are here for 30 years or 100. Live every day knowing that, and do not waste any of it.

Mothers Day in Quarantine!

My mom, and 2 girls May of 2019

It's midnight, and Mother's Day 2020 is over. This, I'm sure, has been like no other Mother's Day has ever been for many, and I among them. Restaurants that would have had full reservation books today for Brunch and Beyond sat silent. Parks that would have held picnics and parties lay still. College Graduations that some typically hold on Mother's Day with stadiums or arenas full sat empty. No church service remembering our mother's who have passed and honoring our Mothers who are with us. Many older Mothers who live in elder care facilities, including my own, in isolation, not allowed to have visitors from the outside. No BIG celebrations today. Just typing that phrase made me think of a quote from a book we all know, "Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. Maybe, Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more." In this case, Mother's Day is Christmas, and Corona Virus or COVID-19 is The Grinch. Everything we have gotten used to to celebrate has been taken away. All of the things mentioned above were absent today, but what can't be taken away is what we are learning from this experience. I have not seen my mother since the beginning of March. She, praise God, is still healthy, and the facility where she resides is doing everything they can to keep their residents safe, but it has been really weird to not be able to see her. We have had a really hard time with getting her to understand the technology so we can face time. Before all of this happened, when I would get really busy, I had a really bad habit of saying to my self, "I'll go next week, when things have slowed down." Then next week turned into two or three more weeks. I did see her for a very long visit just before they stopped outside visitors, but who knew that would last over 2 months and counting. Don't get me wrong. I am not about regret, but I am all about learning lessons when they are presented. We never know when we'll get the chance to see someone again. At the very least, when all this is over, My mom and I are going to have an electronics seminar so even when I do get busy, and I can't physically make it across town, I can still see her. How many people today who are lucky enough to be with their Mom sat down to a wonderful meal that everybody pitched in on? I just envision Mothers and daughters standing in the kitchen side by side cooking and laughing instead of sitting in a crowded waiting area waiting for their name to be called in an over-crowded, noisy restaurant. I'm not bashing restaurants! I love restaurants! In fact we ordered in today, but maybe people needed togetherness at home today. I guess if I want to take anything away from this weird time we are going through, it's togetherness. I know that I have always adored my 2 girls. To steal a line from Rory Gilmore, "My mother and I are freakishly linked." Some people may say that about me and my girls. We are still very close, and they are 24 and 27. I live with one, and the other has been here from NYC since March 22nd, and we are still getting along really well. We've had a few ruffles, but all in all, it's been pretty smooth sailing. That, my friends, is a true blessing. Today, I was treated to breakfast in bed, and a wonderful dinner, and we all took a ride to deliver Krispy Kreme donuts to my Mom with taped polaroids on top of the box, and we took a walk, and binge-watched Dead to Me on Netflix. But this isn't behavior that happens only today. I am treated pretty wonderful every day of the year. I have been a single Mom since 1998. I am still a single Mom, and they make sure I am taken care of, and I couldn't ask for a better gift on Mother's Day or any day for that matter. I have not always been the best Mom, I'm sure, but I have always tried my best, and I think my girls know that. They certainly know I love them. I love them enough to be honest with them even when it's hard. I love them enough to praise them when they have earned it, and not just tell them what I think they want to hear. I love them enough to trust them to do the right thing and make the right choices, and I love them enough to learn from them. Love, friends, is messy. It's not all fluff and warm fuzzies. But hopefully through all the mess you find the treasure. I know I have. Happy Mother's Day!

We Didn't Start the Fire

 It is after midnight, so I am a little late in writing this post, but a friend of mine posted a picture on his Facebook page today that really made me think. 52 years ago on November 22, 1963, an event occurred that rocked the entire world. I don't personally remember the event as I had been born just 3 weeks prior to it. It wasn't a happy event. It was the day John F. Kennedy, the President of the United States, was shot and killed. It happened in broad daylight while he was riding in a convertible car in a parade. The picture posted today, I'm sure, was taken moments before the shots rang out. He is there with his wife. Both are smiling and so happy. They were American royalty. And in an instant EVERYTHING changed. This is not a post about politics or conspiracy. It is about life and the world we all live in. It is about the past and the future. It is about good and evil. It is about our time on this earth and how we choose to spend it. Look at the picture above. Look how happy President Kennedy looks. Do you think that when he got in that car that day he had any inkling of what would happen? No, of course he didn't. If he had, he would have never ridden in the parade that day. Someone wanted him dead, and so they killed him, pure and simple. Those are just the facts. When things like this happen, we know we can't prevent them, but we find ourselves asking over and over, Why? I'll tell you why. Evil exists, my friends, and it always will. Caligula, Stalin, Hitler, Amin, Lizzie Borden, Jack the Ripper, Son of Sam, The Boston Strangler, The Unibomber, Timothy McVey, Joseph Mengele, Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, Osama Bin Laden, ISIS...Unfortunately, I could go on and on. We cannot control the evil in the world. Truthfully we cannot control anyone's behavior but our own. We watch everything that goes on in the world, and say how awful things have gotten, but this did not happen overnight. My grandmother used to tell me, "You have to answer for yourself." At the end of the day, what have I done to make my world a better place? What do I have to answer for? Because, truthfully, people, it's the only way anything will ever change. "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Evil cannot drive out evil; only love can do that." ~ Martin Luther King, Jr. When everything happened in Paris just days ago, there was a picture posted with a huge Banner that said WE ARE NOT AFRAID! Do not let the power of evil control you by taking away your freedom to be the person you are meant to be because when it comes right down to it, you cannot control how long you will be here, you can only control the action you take while you are here. Don't waste your time in fear and hate. If you do, you have given power to the EVIL, Don't fuel the fire!

Mike Wazowski

Well, ladies and gents, it is 12:20 AM on the day of my surgery. I have eaten my last morsel and drunk my last sip of water. In 5 short hours I will be on my way to the hospital for brain surgery. As the witching hour approaches, it seems surreal. This morning around 8AM I will go to sleep, and when I wake up about 5 hours later, this tumor will be gone. There are so many things I wonder about. How will I feel? What will my vision be like? How much have I just gotten used to? Of course, the big one, how much pain will I feel? I will be honest. I am a tad bit apprehensive. The anticipation is always far worse than the actual event. But tonight as I was riding around taking care of last minute things, something wonderful was happening, My phone was blowing up with friends and family texting and posting to Facebook their loving thoughts and prayers. I went to an event on Sunday night for the Richmond Theatre Community. My night was filled with hugs and squeezes and kisses all wishing me well and surrounding me with love! How can things not go well today? 

You may be wondering about the title of this post. My tumor is pretty round, and it has a small dark spot in the center, an eye, if you will, so I have named it Mike Wazowski, after the character in "Monsters, Inc." Mikey, my friend, time to exit stage right, and forget about a sequel!

See you on the other side, my friends.  

I Wish......

In less than 12 hours my baby, my little girl, will walk across a stage and shake the Principal's hand and be handed a piece of paper, and in about 90 minutes, 13 years of classes, and papers and homework will all come to an end. How is this possible? This is going to sound so cliche, but where does the time go? I swear it was just yesterday that I was worried that if I got a new job that I had interviewed for that I might not be able to watch my baby get on the bus for her very first day of kindergarten. I can still see her in that denim, jumper and purple striped shirt with her, as she has dubbed it, her Dora the Explorer haircut. So much has happened in these 13 years. Lots of ups, a few downs, but always, we went through them together. I'm not going to turn this post into a bragfest. I have written many times about how proud I am of her accomplishments. What I will make this about is what I wish for her. I wish that she will always see how incredibly beautiful she is, and no matter what, that will never change because her beauty shines from the inside. I want her to realize how very talented she is and be confident in what she has to offer. More than anything, I want her to be happy with her choices in life and love and relationships. She has so much to offer as a friend, a wife and, yes, even a mother, someday...NO RUSH, and I mean that. I wish that she will always know that I am here for her no matter what, even if she thinks that what she's going to tell me will make me mad or disappointed, I want her to know that she can tell me ANYTHING. I hope that she will always look back on her childhood as a happy one even with its financial struggles and being raised in a single parent home. I hope that she will look back on the mistakes I have made and remember that most of the time I owned up to them and apologized. I hope that she will remember that I didn't just hear her, I listened to her. More than anything I wish for her true success, the kind that comes from doing what you love and doing it well. So, my sweet girl, as you enter this next phase of your life, make the choices that make YOU happy, even if everyone around you tells you you are foolish. You are so bright, and you, and only you, know the best path to take. Thank you for letting me be on the path with you these past 13 years, and as you now walk ahead, know that I am right behind you. Love you hug you!

No More Babies

Today is bittersweet for me. It marks the day that I officially have no more "children." My youngest girl becomes a legal adult today as she turns 18 at 8:16 this morning. I cannot believe that 18 years have passed since I traveled to Henrico Doctors Hospital very early on a snowy Thursday morning for a planned C-section due to the fact that the delivery of her older sister 3 1/2 years prior had not been an easy one. She received one arrangement of yellow roses and a balloon and almost no visitors as  the blizzard of 1996 had hit. The yellow roses came from my sweet Daddy. In fact the name on the floral card decided how we would spell her name. Her name is Georgia, but we call her Georgi. Most people spell it with an "e" on the end, but as the story goes, when the clerk at the florist asked my father how to spell her name, he didn't know. She suggested that leaving off the "e" had a lot of personality and flair, and that is the way it has always been. It could not suit her more perfectly. She has tons of personality and fabulous flair. She is talented and entertaining, and she keeps all of us in stitches with all of her different characters and voices. I often think how much my father would love her humor, and I can hear him laughing and see his smile.
She is a true beauty inside and out! I look at her in awe, and sometimes cannot believe that I created her. She has dealt with adversity all of her life as we became a single parent household when her father left us just after she turned 2. She has never known anything but financial struggle, but you would never know it. She is giving and kind and compassionate, and she has never used the adversity as an excuse to behave badly or whine or fail. She has taught me more than I could ever have imagined, and I treasure her insight and her unique view of the world. She has opened my eyes to things that I never would have seen. I often say that we are the same person, and in many ways we are, but at 18, she is already a better person than I would have ever dreamed of becoming when I was her age.
People say you fall in love with a child as soon as they are placed in your arms. I don't know if it was that way for me, but every day has been an adventure. We have had our ups and downs, mostly ups, but my love grows deeper and deeper as the years pass, and I didn't think it would be possible for my love to be any bigger, but it just keeps evolving as we walk our journey together as Mother and daughter and more importantly best friends. My sweet, sweet, girl, I cannot wait to see how you tackle the world! But always know that I will be right here by your side not to hover but to be here if you need me. Happy, happy birthday! I am so blessed to have you in my life! All my love to you today and always!

Age is Just a Number, Right?

Today is Halloween, but it is also something else for me, and this year, it is a milestone! I was born on October, 31, 1963, at 1:20 in the afternoon. My mother swears that the reason she went into labor is because she had spent the entire previous day walking the sidewalks of Willow Lawn Shopping Center searching for just the right shoes to go with my older sister's Halloween costume. It was later discovered that my sister just wanted to ride the little mini coin operated Merry-Go-Rounds in front of the shoe stores, but I digress. I guess I have my sister to thank for the fact that I am born on Halloween, which I have to say is a pretty cool birthday to have! All of my birthday parties growing up were costume parties, and that turns out to be a pretty neat thing when your passion in life is acting and theatre! Everybody celebrates your day, and you get FREE candy. As a kid, what can be better than that? But this post isn't about Halloween or costumes or candy. Today this post is about turning 50! That's right, folks, I have lived half a century! Wow, when you put it that way, it sounds really ominous! But I am in pretty good company of people who have also turned the 40's corner this year, Brad Pitt, Lisa Kudrow, Mike Meyers, Benjamin Bratt, Vanessa Williams, Helen Hunt, John Stamos, Gail O'Grady, Eric McCormack, Michael Jordan and Kathy Ireland to name just a few celebrities. I've never really been obsessed with age. That could have something to do with my genes. My grandmother never looked her age, and nor does my mother at age 74. My grandmother also lived to be 96, so I'm certainly not at death's door at 50. I won't lie, this is a BIG one for me, not because I feel old, or, I'll say it, I don't think I act or look old, it's because of the perception of 50 and above. I am now, officially a Senior Citizen, and that's a whole different group than people in their Forties. I probably wouldn't be focusing on that as much if I were not single. I feel like it will become more difficult to find a companion now. I mentioned this scenario to my sister, and, ever the optimist, she said that maybe it would now become easier! So...let's go with that. This is also not a post about finding a man, but if you have any extras laying around, throw them my way! <Cue rim shot!> Thank you, ladies and germs, I'll be here all week! Tip your waiters and waitresses! 
50 Years! What have I done in 50 years? Well, pretty darn much! I've been a professional actor, defining that as being paid to act upon the stage, since I was 10 years old, and have been pretty lucky to have worked pretty consistently all of my adult life! That's not too shabby when you live and breathe on the stage! I had the incredible opportunity to co-star in an independent feature film, and win an award for my performance. I have been nominated for my work on the stage, and I have won awards in drama and speech. All of this has happened pretty much without ever leaving "my own backyard" so to speak. Pretty lucky, if you ask me. But before this starts to sound like a brag sheet, let me focus on the intangible, the things that mean the most to me, good and bad. I have experienced the deepest love imaginable, and felt profound loss. I have laughed until I cried, and cried until I felt I couldn't cry anymore. I have been thrown into a fire of despair but forged that much stronger because of it. I have two amazing daughters, and, yes, I know every parent says that, but in this case, it's true. They truly are my best friends, and I am lucky enough that they consider me the same, a rare, rare thing these days. I had two parents who believed in my dreams even when I didn't, and always encouraged me to go after them, and even though our childhood relationship wasn't the best for lots of reasons, I have a sister who loves me and my kids, and is there when I need her always. Don't even get me started on how blessed I am in the friend department! Would I like to have more money? Sure! Would I like to be able to give my girls all the things they NEED, not want? Absolutely! But all things considered, these 50 years have been a wonderful ride, and I can't wait to see what the next 50 bring!

Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God?

If I read one more article, or see one more video with some idiot who uses the identifier as Christian claiming that tragedies, whether they be perpetrated by man or naturally happen, are a judgement from God, I may explode!!!!!!! At the very least I am going to start my own faith that does not have the word Christian in it because these buffoons have ruined the world's view of what I think a Christian is and should live like and treat others. What has spurred this outburst from me, you may be thinking? Well, it has been building for a while. I guess if I wanted to be honest, probably since 9-11, but recently with the Sandy Hook Shootings, the Boston Bombing and now, the Oklahoma Tornado, it seems the crazies have really come out of the woodwork in full force! I have a strong faith! I believe in God! Anyone who knows me or has followed this blog knows that, so if anybody reads this and wants to call me out as a heathen and condemn me to Hell, COME AT ME!!! I am so sick, of mainstream Christian leaders mouthing off answers to questions that people write in and ask or call in and ask about these tragedies and what part God played in them and why? If I were a lawyer and this was a courtroom, as soon as the dolt would begin to answer, I would shout, "Objection! Calls for speculation!" How dare you presume to know the mind of God! And while I'm at it, SHUT UP!!!!!! Every syllable you utter makes me, as a Christian, embarrassed that a group I belong to has  leaders who would make such stupid statements! You are the Taliban equivalent in Christianity. No, I am not saying you cause death and destruction or cause physical harm, but you are radical and extremist and when people believe the drivel you say as God's own words you are harming them spiritually and emotionally. Is the world in a crappy state? YES! Is evil running rampant? YES! Do I think that makes God unhappy? YES! Do I think that he caused all of the above mentioned tragedies to make us get our act together? NO!!! I believe in God, as a parent. I believe He loves me and cares for my well being. I believe that He sends me comfort when I need it, and that when I do something wrong, He is disappointed, but do I believe that if I step out of line that He will punish and kill thousands of people until I "repent?" NO! If I've got it wrong, then I guess I'll be the one who's surprised at the world's end, but for now I will believe that my God is a God of love and forgiveness. Isn't that why he sent his own son to die? If he was just going to kill all  of us when we ticked him off, doesn't that negate the whole "Jesus" thing? Don't know about you, but it's pretty hard to repent if you're dead. I know I might sound blasphemous to some, but I am enraged at the attack on my faith. I am saddened that my faith is being thought of as a group of idiots and hate mongers. Who do you think you're winning over? Isn't that our job as Christians to spread the GOOD news? Just letting you know that you're turning people off. You're driving people away from God and his love! So while you're yelling at people to repent, try getting on your knees yourself to explain to God, oh I forgot, you know what he's thinking, so I'll rephrase....Send him some telepathic thoughts of explanation as to why you're scaring the sheep away from His flock rather than bringing them into the fold with love and care.

Look for the Helpers

Yesterday something terrible happened! People were hurt and some even died. To add to this, the people that were in harm's way were there because they were celebrating an event. They were there to encourage, to help, to cheer on others. In an instant, all that joy turned to sorrow and confusion and devastation, as not one, but two explosions went off at the Finish line of the Boston Marathon, an iconic race, that has been in existence since 1897. As I saw the headline come up in my newsfeed on Facebook, I immediately thought, BOMB. Unfortunately this is the first conclusion we all jump to, someone meant to do this. Someone sat down and calculated fear and causing injury to another human being. I stopped myself, praying that maybe it had been a gas explosion, no less tragic for those lost or injured, but easier to accept the fact that no one was behind something so horrible. But...as news reports started to roll in, my first fear was confirmed. They were bombs. The first question we always have is WHY? We feel confused, hurt. Then it transforms to outrage and anger at the world and the evil in it. I felt all of those things yesterday, and then I read this post by a friend. It was a picture of the beloved children's program host, Fred Rogers, with a quote from him. Here is the quote: "When I was a boy, and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.' To this day, especially in times of disaster, I remember my mother's words, and I am always comforted by realizing that are still so many helpers -  so many caring people in this world."  Evil exists. It always will, but so does good! And that's what we have to hold onto. It is the only thing we can hold onto. Another very wise man said this, "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." ~ Martin Luther King, Jr. What happened yesterday was awful! It wasn't fair, it wasn't right, but we cannot dwell on that. Instead we have to focus on healing and helping people cope to somehow move on. Don't give up! Look for the helpers!

A Love Story

Yes, it's Valentine's Day, and this will be my 14th alone. Now, before anyone gets in an uproar, this is not going to be a post bashing Valentine's Day or love or romance. Quite the opposite actually. This is a love story. As a little girl I can remember looking forward to Valentine's Day. We all took our bags and proudly decorated them with construction paper hearts of red and pink, our name proudly written in the very center so as not to be missed when the valentines were dropped into the bag on that day in February. I can remember agonizing over giving just the right drugstore bought valentine to the boy I liked at the time. It couldn't say too much, but it had to say just enough that he might guess the way I felt and he might like me back too. I'd take that nearly busting bag  home and go through each valentine analyzing the signatures from the boys to see if anyone might reveal a crush by signing that tiny piece of thin cardboard with "love". Those were the days of simple innocence about the affairs of the heart.
By my high school days things were a little different. By age 16, I still had not dated anyone. I was living out the term "Sweet 16, never been kissed." That is not to say that I wasn't in love. I was!! I had fallen hard for a boy at school. Some would say it was a crush, but to me it was very real!!! I have always known exactly what I wanted, how I felt. I am very honest with myself and others. I do not play games, and lay all my cards on the table. This was not puppy love. I truly loved this boy and wanted more than anything for him to ask me out. I lived for any conversation we would have, any chance to be with him. He had no interest in me other than friendship. I refused to accept it, and held out hope. In the meantime I had a very good friend who also happened to be a guy, and ironically felt the same way about me as I did about my crush. We spent hours upon hours together talking, going to movies, out to dinner, the mall. I'm sure people thought we were a couple, but we were "just friends" This guy was a very talented songwriter, and I asked him to write me a song to sing to my crush. He did. When it came time for me to sing the song, he presented it to me. As I read the beautiful lyrics asking the listener to "read between the lines" to see what was right in front of their face, I realized those lyrics had been written not for me to sing to my crush but how the writer felt about me. I decided to open up my heart to new possibilities. Within a few days the writer and I began dating and spent many happy years together. Although the relationship didn't last "forever," it began as a romantic fairy tale, and I am so grateful for the love I experienced and shared. That love gave me the two most precious things in my life. When people experience loss, they are often asked if they could go back in time, would they change things knowing what they know now? Not a chance. For every step I have taken has lead me to  who I am today, and I can say with utmost confidence, I am very happy! Celebrate the love in your life, whether you have it now or you had it in the past. To have been loved and had the chance to give love is the greatest gift we are given.