We Didn't Start the Fire

 It is after midnight, so I am a little late in writing this post, but a friend of mine posted a picture on his Facebook page today that really made me think. 52 years ago on November 22, 1963, an event occurred that rocked the entire world. I don't personally remember the event as I had been born just 3 weeks prior to it. It wasn't a happy event. It was the day John F. Kennedy, the President of the United States, was shot and killed. It happened in broad daylight while he was riding in a convertible car in a parade. The picture posted today, I'm sure, was taken moments before the shots rang out. He is there with his wife. Both are smiling and so happy. They were American royalty. And in an instant EVERYTHING changed. This is not a post about politics or conspiracy. It is about life and the world we all live in. It is about the past and the future. It is about good and evil. It is about our time on this earth and how we choose to spend it. Look at the picture above. Look how happy President Kennedy looks. Do you think that when he got in that car that day he had any inkling of what would happen? No, of course he didn't. If he had, he would have never ridden in the parade that day. Someone wanted him dead, and so they killed him, pure and simple. Those are just the facts. When things like this happen, we know we can't prevent them, but we find ourselves asking over and over, Why? I'll tell you why. Evil exists, my friends, and it always will. Caligula, Stalin, Hitler, Amin, Lizzie Borden, Jack the Ripper, Son of Sam, The Boston Strangler, The Unibomber, Timothy McVey, Joseph Mengele, Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, Osama Bin Laden, ISIS...Unfortunately, I could go on and on. We cannot control the evil in the world. Truthfully we cannot control anyone's behavior but our own. We watch everything that goes on in the world, and say how awful things have gotten, but this did not happen overnight. My grandmother used to tell me, "You have to answer for yourself." At the end of the day, what have I done to make my world a better place? What do I have to answer for? Because, truthfully, people, it's the only way anything will ever change. "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Evil cannot drive out evil; only love can do that." ~ Martin Luther King, Jr. When everything happened in Paris just days ago, there was a picture posted with a huge Banner that said WE ARE NOT AFRAID! Do not let the power of evil control you by taking away your freedom to be the person you are meant to be because when it comes right down to it, you cannot control how long you will be here, you can only control the action you take while you are here. Don't waste your time in fear and hate. If you do, you have given power to the EVIL, Don't fuel the fire!

I Get By With a Little Help from My Friends

A little over a month ago I found out I had a tumor on my pituitary gland, and I had to have brain surgery to remove it. All kinds of things went through my mind when I was given this news, but one of the things that stressed me out the most was how much was this going to cost, not just medically but how much income would I lose? Today I got a partial answer to that question. First a little background: I am still at home and will be until 11/30/15. If you're doing the math, that's over a month away from work. Not to bore you with too many facts, but this length of time requires me to go on Short Term Disability (STD) Most STD plans work in similar ways. You must go through a waiting period before it can even start. Even when mine starts I will only be paid 2/3 of my salary. My waiting period is 14 days. Even using all of my vacation and sick time, I do not have enough to even cover the waiting period in order to be paid for all the time off. Add to that what I found out Monday. CIGNA has not yet approved my STD claim. Translation: I'm not getting paid for anything but the 42 some odd hours of time that I had. Today when I got paid my pay was $500.00 short. I don't know many people who could handle being shorted $500.00 in their pay. I certainly can't. Now, not to worry yet, once they decide that brain surgery is valid to be off from work, the pay will be retroactive, but bills are due when bills are due. When all of this overwhelming news came through to my little family of 3, my sweet girl, Georgi, started a GoFundme page, and my other sweet girl spread the word. We were all blown away as we watched the $20,000 goal grow so quickly to $10,000. Friends and family sent us money in the mail. All out of the goodness of their hearts and with love. That's what it's about....LOVE! I felt like some people may have been judgemental about asking for help. Why? A very good friend of mine said it best, "You only have to ask family once." I am not kidding when I say this. We could not have survived without that money, pure and simple. So, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!! I wanted to use the Beatle lyric as a title, but it wasn't a little help, it was a LOT! I have no idea what will happen in the next weeks. I am relatively sure that my claim will be approved, but nothing is certain. I am surviving because of all of you! I am overwhelmed! I love you all!

Some Days Are Diamonds. Some Days Are Stones.

It is hard to believe that 2 weeks ago I had brain surgery to remove a "huge" tumor. Thinking back on everything that has happened since September 30th, it seems I'm watching some Lifetime movie. I just thought I was getting older, and I was becoming, at 51, one of those people who doesn't like to drive at night. I just don't see as well. Then going to the eye doctor and being told I had the beginning stages of an incurable disease that would, eventually, leave me blind. Through urgings from others getting a second opinion and finding out that I do not have said disease, but I do have a brain tumor. And now, 2 weeks past surgery, and I am dealing with the aftermath. I have had my share of life changing events starting with infancy. Not even a month after I was born, I choked on some milk and stopped breathing. There were no infant CPR classes in 1963. My father did not know what to do. I do not know how long I was not breathing but finally after my father held me upside down, I began to breathe. When I was 11 years old I was in a car accident where the back window exploded in my face. I had over 100 stitches in my forehead, nose, eyelid and under my eye. Years of plastic surgery would follow. I lost a child before it was ever born. But this brain tumor thing. This has been the hardest to get used to. The hardest part for me is that it didn't seem that hard. The surgery, the recovery in the hospital, the trip home, they didn't seem to carry the weight that BRAIN SURGERY should get. Don't get me wrong. It's not easy. I haven't slept through the night since surgery. I wake up about every hour. I have headaches every morning. My nose feels like it will never be normal again. And then there's the hot flashes I have been having. You see, when all this started, I thought of nothing but the fact that this tumor, because of its placement, was messing with my vision, but what I didn't think about was the fact that it was also growing on my pituitary gland which controls all kinds of things in your body like temperature and metabolism and blood pressure. So now, I must see an Endocrinologist to see how out of whack my pituitary gland got over the last 10 years as this tumor took up residence between the 2 lobes of my brain and crowded out and squeezed the little pea sized gland that controls so much in my body. I have no idea what path this journey will take me on or where I'll end up, but I'm glad to be alive, and I'm learning to not beat myself up just because I haven't bounced right back to where I was. I'll take the diamonds when they come, but remember that navigating the stones is a big part of the journey.

The Art of Recuperating

It has been a week since I had my brain surgery, and today I am not feeling so hot. Nothing awful, just out of sorts. Just to let you know, I am not the type of person who is good at taking it easy, even when I am healthy. People talk about taking vacations to tropical islands and doing nothing but lying on the beach. Paradise, right? Not for me. I might like it for an hour, 2, maybe even half a day, but then I would be itching to go, do and see. So, as you can imagine, this period of recuperation is not easy for me. Add to that having to have little things done for me, and it gets even harder. I have to keep reminding myself I just had major surgery. This isn't like back or abdominal surgery where my body tells me just how far I can go. This is all internal. I might have a mild headache or seem a little tired, but mostly I feel normal, but I can't cough or sneeze or blow my nose. I can't bend over. Do you know how many things you do in everyday life that require you to bend over? Socks, shoes, and forget dropping something. Washing in the shower becomes a delicately choreographed maneuver. I'm trying very hard to follow doctor's rules, and I have 2 "nurses" at home who certainly remind me. I have no idea how you monitor progress. Before last week's removal, this tumor had taken residence for 10 years in my brain. How different will things be? Patience is not my strong suit. I just want things to be normal. I want to cook, and bake, and clean....well...maybe I could go without cleaning for a while. :) Time will tell. I'll see my surgeon in 2 days and see what he has to say. Until then, it's all a waiting game. Day by day. Day by day.

Best Birthday Present EVER!!!!

Yesterday was my 52nd birthday. Yes, it was also Halloween.Growing up with a Halloween birthday and having a flair for the dramatic made every birthday party a dream. Of course they were always costume parties. As  I grew older, each year became a challenge as to what my costume would be. Consequently, as I grew older, and had children it became about the perfect costumes for them. To say we love Halloween in this house is an understatement. We start planning next year's costume almost as soon as the last trick-or-treater has left the house.  This year was no different. We started planning early and had a theme. Then something happened. Surgery was going to change my Halloween and birthday plans this year. I didn't get to dress up. I didn't get to go out. I couldn't even put fun make-up on because of the swelling in my lips and nose. You know what? It was still a great birthday! My youngest spent all morning decorating the house. I had a visit from one of my very best friends. Topping it all off, strawberry shortcake for my birthday.
Those are not the reasons this birthday is different than any other. At the risk of sounding corny, this year I got the best gift I have ever received. I got my sight back and maybe my life. Not a bad trade for not being able to dress up. I'll take it!