The Evolution of a Dream

 Hello! Me again. I know it has been a while. I seem to be saying that every time I write a post now. I know I've said this before, but when I started this blog, I told myself that I would only write when I was inspired. That is not the same as saying I ALWAYS write when I'm inspired, because I don't because, well, you know, life and stuff, but today's topic is probably the most inspiration of all the inspiring things in my life to write about, my passion for the theatre. I knew from age 3 that I wanted to perform in some way. As a child growing up in the 60s, I was hugely into TV. I had a little wooden rocking chair that I would sit in right in front of the television. Cartoons were big for me, Bugs Bunny especially. If you have never seen Bugs Bunny, we are no longer friends, just kidding, but stop reading right now, and go search for an episode, in fact, I'll save you the trouble.

Rabbit Of Seville (1950) from Stephen Rae on Vimeo.

.Now, I still, at 60, find this extremely funny, but if you noticed, the entire cartoon is set to the music from the Opera, The Barber of Seville, by Rossini. Of course, what Bugs is singing are not the original lyrics, but the music is the real deal. It was not composed for this cartoon. It was written in the1800s. This cartoon, and there are others that used classical music, gave me my intro to the genre expanding my knowledge of music beyond nursery rhyme songs and popular music. Because I watched so much TV and listened to so many different kinds of music in my house, I would often imitate or act out what I saw, and thus began my love of performing. As I grew older, I still watched cartoons, but I also was a huge fan of the Jackie Gleason Show and the Carol Burnette Show, and more and more I knew that this was what I wanted to do with my life. I sang my first solo in front of people, well, not family, in kindergarten, Away in a Manger, for the Christmas Pageant. Then in 2nd grade, I was the Teeny Weeny Bean in Mr. MacGregor's garden complete with green tights and green bean hat and solo. In 4th grade I changed it up and decided to do a "straight" play (for all you non-theatre people, that means a play without music). I was the Shoemaker's wife in The Shoemaker and the Elves. I don't remember much about the part, but I do remember she was kind of sassy, and I got laughs. I promise I am not going to recount my entire performance resume for the last 50+ years, but just indulge me one more. My drama teacher at St. Catherine's School, Ms. Buis, had directed The Shoemaker and the Elves, and she told me about a local professional theater that was having auditions for The Music Man and needed someone my age and suggested I audition, and that, my fabulous humans, is where I was bit by the bug, and I have never stopped scratching for the last 50 years. I was cast as Amaryllis (that's me in the Big Bow),

and it was one of the coolest things I had ever done, and I loved it, and when it was over, I just wanted to keep doing more and more. That was my dream. That's what I wanted to do with my life, and I did, and they all lived happily ever after, right? WRONG! Far from it. Oh, I'm still connected to the theatre, and I still act, and have done so pretty consistently for the last 50 years, but I don't do it for a living. Very few actors have that luxury, so why am I telling you this story? Theatre has brought a lot of great things into my life. In fact, I would not have my 2 children if it were not for theatre because I met their father doing a show. I went on to act professionally and non-professionally all through school and in my freshman year in High School I did the show Godspell, and I became best friends with the guy playing Jesus. We stayed friends for months, but he wanted more. I did not, but, eventually, after spending almost every free moment together for about a year, something changed, and he became the love of my life, and my dream changed a little. I still wanted to act, but I was more focused on my relationship, and plans for my future with the man I loved. We ended up getting married 6 months after I graduated, and my dream changed. I still wanted to act, but I was more focused on being a good wife, and as my husband was very talented musically, we began to sing together, and then we were in a band, and then 2, and I was mostly singing back-up to him, but we were building that dream together, and theatre kind of took a back seat. My husband was a songwriter, and he was really good, and I really thought the band was making headway, and we were going somewhere. By this time, about 14 years after we were married, we had 2 beautiful daughters (2 and 5). This was my new dream, to have the band we were in become our source of income and to tour with our little family. What could be better, right? Apparently not all people in the little family were on board that ship, and I'm not talking about the 2 & 5 year old. When our band was just on the cusp of actually breaking out, and we were really gaining traction, I found out that the love of my life, my husband of 15+ years, and the father of my children was having an affair. Not only was this devastating to me, but it was especially problematic as he held a part time job as a minister of youth and music at our church, and the band that he was front man for, you know the one we were all in, was a Christian Band. Add to that, that I had made part of my evolved dream being a stay-at-home Mom to our 2 girls with only $100.00/month income as a pre-school music teacher, and that made it impossible for me to leave, and I couldn't tell anybody or he would lose his church job and maybe his main job because he was having an affair with one of his employees. For 5 months I was on an emotional roller coaster trying to be a better wife because why else would he have turned to someone else, right? STOP RIGHT THERE! (insert sound of screeching brakes) If you are reading this, and you are in a marriage or long term relationship, and your partner cheats on you, IT IS NEVER YOUR FAULT!!!!! Say it again, so the people in the back can hear! A partner cheating on you is NOT YOUR FAULT! Was I a perfect wife? No. Did we have issues and arguments? Sure. Should we have been better communicators? Absolutely, but does that justify someone sleeping with another person while they are still sleeping with you, and lying about it, and gaslighting you when you think you know what's going on, and making you feel guilty for even suspecting that? NO! Do I believe people's feelings change in a relationship? I suppose that's possible. Mine didn't which is what made things so hard, and made it that much easier to take the responsibility for all of that. If that does happen, and people fall out of love with their partner, they owe them the respect and decency of saying they want out before they move on. Would that be painful and devastating? Damn right it would, but at least the humiliation and betrayal would not be a part of the equation. Add to all of this that I had to pretend at church and with the band that everything was fine. We were still the golden couple with the 2 adorable children. But, as it is with all secrets, they can't be kept for long. The affair had not ended, and things blew up, and he decided to "make things work" with me. I was elated. I was so glad to have my husband back. We renewed the lease on our townhouse for another year, and three weeks later the girls and I went to the beach with another mom with 2 daughters, and when we came home after 4 days away, he was gone. He left me a letter telling me I needed to get my act together if I was smart, and that I had ruined his ministry. He left his job, (both of them), and we had no idea where he was for almost a month. He took the only car we had that was functional, and every cent in our checking account leaving no money to cover the checks that had been written and sent to pay bills (this was back in 1998, no online bill pay or banking). Luckily, my parents had space for us to move in, and my landlords were great about letting me out of the lease. I had no job to speak of, no money and no car, and a 2 and 5 year old to raise. Well, that blew that dream all to hell, and every other dream with it. At the age of 34, I had to start my adult life completely over. Don't check out yet. If this were a weekly episodic television show, this would be the end of the season cliffhanger. I won't leave you on the ledge, though. New dream: Make sure that I raise strong, independent women that know they are loved. Teach them to be honest with me always, even when it's difficult, and promise to be the same way with them, and make sure they are well provided for. Encourage them and guide them with their dreams and what they want, and to be kind and respectful to other people. I pretty much did that with the help of a whole lot of friends and wonderful support from my family. They are both grown and following dreams of their own. All of that happened almost 26 years ago. I never remarried. I never even had a relationship with anyone else. It just wasn't part of the plan. They were my focus. As we settled into our new life, I slowly got back into the theatre, and began to find that first dream again, although slightly altered. I got some amazing roles through their school years, and they were so supportive of me and still are. My dream had always involved being on stage. I did not want to direct. I just wanted to perform, but as I began to age, there were fewer and fewer opportunities for onstage work, so I thought I'd try directing. I directed a group of high schoolers in a production of Anything Goes, and I loved it. I loved watching a kid realize they were actually good at this acting thing. I adored being able to watch that love that I knew so well bloom in them. I wanted to direct more. Easier said than done. I was not an established director, and few theaters in town were going to take a chance on me. I continued to pick up a few roles here and there, and then, I got the role of a lifetime. I was cast as Della Brady in The Cake at Richmond Triangle Players, and it was the most satisfying, challenging, joyful experience of my career. I knew I would never have another role like this, and I told myself that if I were never cast in anything again, I could be satisfied with that because I had achieved a dream. How little I knew then how prophetic those words would become. The Cake closed in March of 2020, and we all know what happened the end of March. The world shut down. None of us knew if live theatre would ever be a thing again. I think that's when my dream really changed. I knew that if we ever came out of the Pandemic that I wanted theatre to be a part of my life on a daily basis. What I really wanted was to buy some place and start my own theatre. I wanted it to be a place where people could create great things together and realize their true potential and work on something they loved and were passionate about. I know, I know, that's a huge dream, and it would require winning the lottery! I tend to do that. I get an idea, and it just keeps ballooning into something that is impossible right away. I am still getting used to trying to take baby steps. I decided I would start with an acting studio and coach students one-on-one, and thus Amaryllis Studios was born.

Logo designed by Georgi Dysert

I started out with one student, and then I gained another, and I was actually living part of my dream and making a supplemental income doing something I loved. And then 3 1/2 months ago, my youngest daughter and a small group of friends decided we were going to work together to do a show this summer. And guess what? We are! Amaryllis Studios is actually producing a show under the Creative Wing of Vienna Waits Creatives - a whole other post for a different time from a guest blogger, stay tuned. So many friends are helping for no pay because they love the theatre like I do. It's a musical called CHESS, and we have held auditions, and it's cast, and we begin rehearsals next week. This is the dream, folx! It is happening. Is it the one I had at age 10? No, but there's still a part of the little Amaryllis' dream. That's why she's my logo. She planted the seed all those years ago, and life watered it sometimes, and it went unfed sometimes, and then it flourished with different blooms, and now it has evolved into what it was always meant to be. It's not a theater yet, but I know in my heart of hearts that it will be. What is meant for you will never pass you by. I hope that you found value in my story, and that it may have helped you in some way to see the light at the end of the tunnel, or pursue the dream you have. Surround yourself with people that will love that dream into being. It can happen. It has for me, and I know it will for you too. You deserve it! We all do!

If you have been inspired by this story or you want to be a part of this dream, I have launched a Kickstarter called 6 Weeks til Show. This is the summer theatre program that I want to offer every summer to people who want to follow their passion and have a place where they might get that opportunity. I totally get it if you can't contribute, but if not, would you please share to get the word out? I would be so grateful. We all succeed when we lift each other up.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Me with the lovely Lynn West

It was a hot July night, and sweaty and covered in dust I walked into the building. My hair was falling down around my face, and I can still remember what I was wearing, a navy sleeveless 1 piece culotte outfit that zipped up the front with a red, swiss-dotted applique of a mushroom on the leg. I had been to the circus that day at the Fairgrounds, now known as the Richmond International Raceway. The circus visit was not the special thing that was happening on July 25, 1974. The building I entered was Swift Creek Mill Playhouse, and it was opening night of my very first professional show, The Music Man. I don't remember much else about that night except that I had missed the memo on dressing up for opening night. In those days everyone "dressed" to go to the theater, but there I was in my dirty circus soiled clothes at the opening night party. I didn't think much of it then, but I guess it left an impression if I still recall it 45 years later. The opening night was obviously not that important to me. Being in the show was! You could say this is when I began this journey of being an actress, but it started way before age 10. The earliest recollection I have of being in front of an audience would be age 3. My parents took me and my sister to some mountain resort, and we were waiting by the hostess stand for a table. There was a man playing guitar, the restaurant's live music for the evening, and he asked, "Does anyone know how to hula dance?" I walked right through the crowd and up on stage to hula. My sister, 5 at the time, was mortified. I've never had a problem being in front of people. I was always "acting up" for my parents, especially my daddy. I was lip-syncing way before it was a national pastime! I used to put on the 45 of Vicki Lawrence's  The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia and play it at 78 speed and mouth the words for my dad, and he would laugh and laugh. Translation for those who have no idea what I am talking about: A 45 is a small, vinyl record that contains a single song. If you play it on a turntable at 78 it revolves very quickly, and it makes the singer sound like they are on permanent helium. The Music Man, however was my first "professional" show. I was paid to perform. I got paid $5.00 per show, and we did 4 shows a week. $20.00 a week was big doings for a 10 year old, but I didn't care about that. I loved doing the show! I haven't really stopped acting since then. It hasn't always been a paid gig, but I have loved every minute of it! I met my ex-husband doing a show. If it were not for the theatre, I would not have my 2 amazing daughters. The theatre has blessed me in so many ways! I am 55 now, closer to 56, and roles are not as readily available for my age. Recently I told my daughter, " I'm past wanting anything. I'm never going to make my living as an actress, and I'm okay with that." God had something different in mind. Earlier this year I found out that I get to reprise my role of "Louise" in Always, Patsy Cline at VaRep, and just recently I was cast in what I think will be one of the most challenging roles of my career with Richmond Triangle Players. This old girl's not done yet! With any luck, I never will be.

A Bug Bite That's Lasted 43 Years

43 years ago today, something very exciting happened. It was the opening night of my very first professional show. On July 25, 1974, The Music Man opened at Swift Creek Mill Playhouse. I was playing Amaryliss. I was paid $5.00 per show, and I believe the ticket prices back then were something like $14.50, and that included a delicious buffet dinner AND the show. And who could forget the wonderful loaves of Mill bread and fresh whipped butter, but I digress.
A little back story on what led to this moment. Picture it, Richmond, 1974, I was a 4th grade student at St. Catherine's School for girls playing to packed houses as the wife of the Shoemaker in The Shoemaker and the Elves. This role, of course, was given to me after an unforgettable performance the previous year as the Teeny Weeny Bean in Mr. MacGregor's garden in Peter Rabbit. My drama teacher, Gretchen Buis, told me about a theater that was holding auditions for The Music Man, and they needed a little girl my age. I had to sing a song, and they might have me read a scene. I wanted to do it, but it was my first real audition, and I had no idea what to expect. My sweet Daddy drove me down to Swift Creek Mill Playhouse in Colonial Heights. I don't remember much about the day, but I do remember walking up the steps and into the theater, through the house to the stage. I sang a song that I had sung in my church junior choir called, God Who Touchest Earth with Beauty. I can still see the cover of the anthem. It was olive green with a black peacock on the cover. If you asked me to sing the whole song right now, I could. And, no, Georgi Hicks and Jenna Stickley, I don't remember what I wore (inside joke). Later I read Amaryliss' scene. It called for her to cry. I must have done alright with the scene because I was cast. I didn't really know what it all meant back then. I had no idea what it would lead to. I just knew I liked doing plays. I didn't feel effected by it all. I didn't think I was special. I was just glad to be doing this cool thing. We started with music rehearsals with the late Wayne Batty at the helm as music director. Mr. Batty was, at the very least, intimidating. He looked exactly what you would expect a Maestro to look like with his brushed back, shoulder length hair. Amaryliss has a small duet with Marian, played by the lovely Lynn West, on Goodnight, My Someone. The first time I had to sing it in front of the whole cast. I was a little nervous, but everyone was as sweet as they could be. We went through weeks of music and then staging of the show, and I learned what blocking was and notes and all the things that now seem second nature to me. I had to learn to play this piano piece. I truthfully can't believe I did that, and, no, I couldn't play that now if you asked me. Finally it came time for opening. I obviously was not accustomed to the opening night tradition of dressing up. My family had gone to the circus at the Fairgrounds earlier that day, and I was dusty and ragged when I got to the show. I was wearing navy blue culottes with a red dotted mushroom appliqued on it. Take that, Georgi and Jenna. I wasn't playing Amaryliss on opening night. I alternated nights with another little girl, and she was doing Opening night, something that turned out to be a blessing in disguise as I was playing Amaryliss on the dress rehearsal night that all the promo shots were taken (See photo above). On the nights I wasn't Amaryliss, I was in the ensemble. I loved every minute of being in this show, all 5 months we ran. I made friendships that I still have today, and learned so much from the director, the late Buddy Callahan. I was bitten by the theatre bug back in 1974, and I have been in love with the theatre ever since. I have been lucky enough to consistently act in theatre and film for the last 43 years, and I have no intention of stopping anytime soon. In a little over a month, at 53, I will begin a new career of teaching music and drama to little ones. Maybe they can catch the bug from me, and the joy it has given me will spread through generations. I can only hope.