It's not a matter of "IF." It's a matter of "WHEN."

 

Last night I did something on Facebook I thought I would never have to do. I marked myself safe during a shooting in Richmond, VA. Was I present at the shooting? No, but friends on Facebook who live outside of Richmond do not know that, and all they know is that I live in Richmond, and there was an active shooter situation where people were injured and killed. I can't say I'm shocked. I can't even say I'm sad. I'm numb! What will it take? Really, what will it take? This particular shooting, and I need to clarify because there are so many, took place last night outside of the Altria Theater just blocks from where my daughter works every day, a place I have attended several events and was just there on Mother's Day at the very same theater. They had just had a graduation of a local high school in the theater, and people were streaming outside to find their loved ones, take pictures, hug friends, happy moments and memories to last a lifetime, and shots ring out. This story from ABC's Good Morning America shows footage of the actual shooting. A friend was their with her daughter for her graduation. Happy pre-graduation photos in cap and gown in front of the theater, and in just a few short hours the same space would be sectioned off with yellow tape as a crime scene. This is my city. This is where I grew up. This is where I live, and now I can say this is where a mass shooting took place. Woo Hoo! Not a distinction I'm thrilled to claim. The local radio station I listen to on my way to work was inviting people to call and talk this morning, a sort of open forum. This grandmother called, and one of the things she said that really stuck with me was "We just need to keep praying. That's all we can do." All due respect to her, but I'm sorry, I'm sick of that trite, unhelpful response to this happening over and over again! Now before you Christians come after me, I wasn't taking issue with praying. I pray, and I'm a Christian, but I am feeling more and more like Ghandi as time passes when he said, "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." If we are praying people, should we pray and have empathy for their loss, fear, anxiety, absolutely Yes! However her second statement is what riled me. "It's all we can do." Sorry, but it's not all we can do. It's all we've been doing, but it's not helping. We are the only nation that this is a massive problem. Pun intended. As a follower of Christ, and a believer in God, I search for guidance when I am troubled or have a problem that needs to be solved. I do not sit back and pray and expect God to magically fix it. Frankly, that's a little naive at best, and at worst, it's lazy expecting God to do the work, and when something fails, you have a convenient excuse that "it wasn't God's will." I love this old joke. You may have heard it: A man is in his house and a raging flood is causing the waters to rise up to his front door. A man comes by in a rowboat. "Get in," he yells to the man. The man responds, "God will save me," and waves the row boat on. The waters continue to rise, and the first floor is flooded. From the second story window, another rowboat goes by and yells for the man to get in. "God will save me," the man replies and, again, waves the row boat on. The waters continue to rise, and the second floor is now flooded, and the man is standing on the roof. A helicopter hovers above him sending down a ladder and motions for the man to climb up. "God will save me," he yells up and waves the copter away. The waters continue to rise, and the man drowns. He finds himself face to face with God in Heaven. Incredulously he asks, "God, why didn't you save me?" God looks straight at the man and says, "I sent you 2 rowboats and a helicopter." When all we're doing is praying to God and not listening to Him, we're missing our rowboats and helicopters. Solutions to this problem of mass shooting are all around us. Other countries don't have this problem. Why aren't we doing what they're doing? Why aren't we even trying to do anything? I'll tell you why. No one cares! The first mass shooting in the US occurred in 1982, according to this data from Mother Jones webpage In Miami, FL, in August of 1982, Carl Robert Brown methodically shot and attempted to kill everyone in a welding shop after having an argument the previous day over a $20.00 bill. 8 died, 3 others were injured. He purchased 2 shotguns and a semi-automatic rifle the morning of the shooting at a gun shop near his home. Since then, there have been hundreds. In 2023, alone, and we are only half way through, there have been 279 mass shootings in the US, that's including yesterday's in my hometown. And in case you're trying to make yourself feel better, and say, well, how many people died in all of those shootings? It doesn't f*cking matter! Someone opened fire into a crowd of people. A mass shooting is defined as 4 or more people shot at one time in the same relative area. I know there are people who will try to re-classify the shooting here in Richmond because the shooter knew the victim. "Well, that was personal." "That person had a grudge against the victim." And on, and on, and on. SHUT UP! That's the problem. it didn't affect them, so they don't have to worry about it. If they had been standing on Laurel street yesterday and had to run for fear that the pops they were hearing would possibly result in them being shot, they wouldn't be asking any clarifying questions. IT HAS TO STOP!!!!! There is no excuse. We can do something! Other people have done it. Hell, we've done it. The number of deaths caused by mass shootings and the number of shootings overall dropped from 1994 - 2004 when the US had a ban on Assault type weapons. Did you even know we had one? It was only signed into law if it had an expiration date, so it lasted 10 years, and the clause to make it expire would have had to be repealed by congress. That didn't happen, and it expired in 2004, and guess what happened in 2005? There was a steep and almost immediate rise in Mass shootings and deaths in those cases. From The Oregonian, average number of deaths per year from mass shootings went from 5.3 during the ban to 25 after the ban expired. Numbers do not lie! Why do we let it continue? What will cause this country to get it's act together and do something to stop this massacre? Until they start caring about people more than money, nothing will be done, and then you can plan on the fact that it won't be "if" you have some connection to a mass shooting, it will be "when"

The Unsung Hero

Mother's Day was 2 days ago, and if you read my last post, I didn't really focus much on Mother's Day because something else HUGE was going on. My oldest was graduating college, the first ever to do so in our family. It was weird getting ready for the day. Almost like it feels getting ready for Christmas. It's exciting! You can't wait for it to get here, but you're also really anxious. Have I done everything? Is everything ready? Do I have all the things I need to wear? What time should we get to the service, and on, and on, and on! And, just like Christmas, all this time is spent planning, and before you know it, the day is over. It was a huge day for my daughter, for all of us!If you read this blog, you know that I am a single mother and have been for 18 years. It took a lot to enable my girl to take that short walk across the stage to receive her degree, and she did not take that walk alone, but this post is about one person in particular. She was also in the audience to support Leah. She gave up her mother's day to sit through 2 1/2 hours to see her take that stride toward her future. I am talking about my sister.
In 1998 when my ex-husband left, my sister was living in Florida. Her support of me and my girls started then as many times we visited for a little oasis from the stress of all things single parenthood entails. Once she had her own baby she moved back home to Richmond and many times she stood in for me if I couldn't attend a school program because I was working or doing a show. She has been with Leah all through her college journey starting with visits to campuses. She has always been willing to help in whatever way she could including driving Leah all the way to Pittsburgh for her audition for Point Park's Theatre program. I was doing a show and, obviously, could not go. I was doing the same show during Leah's first college orientation at Catawba in NC, and Jenna was there in my stead. When Leah moved home at the end of her sophomore year to transfer to the University of Richmond, my sister made the trek with me to pack the car with 2 college years accumulation and hung out at the Mall while we waited for Leah to complete her RA duties before she could leave. She has ordered books, and shopped around for bargains, and attended plays, and pretty much anything else we needed help with. She didn't get any congratulations on Sunday, but she deserved it as well. So.. Congratulations, Jenna! Job well done! oh, and THANKS!

Time for the Pay Off

In 3 days I will do something I have never done before. Before thoughts of exciting adventures like skydiving or bungee jumping fill your head, let me enlighten you. I will attend a college graduation. I am 52 years old, and I have never attended a college graduation. I did not attend college, nor did my sister, my parents before me or their parents. No one in our family has ever attended college until now.
A little back story: Almost 18 years ago, I became a single Mom of 2 & 5 year old daughters. That, in itself, was daunting. I had no job, no car and no money. I had to move out of the townhouse we had been renting and into my parent's basement. I went on welfare and food stamps until I could find a job. As a little tip, don't ever get into a conversation with me about government assistance and the only people who use it are too lazy to get a job. In a short amount of time I did get a job, luckily, but it still didn't pay enough to get out on my own, so forget any kind of savings. Thinking about college for either of my girls was out of the question. In reflecting on that time I will often say, it was either eat or save for college. We chose to eat. My girls grew up knowing that if they didn't get free rides with scholarships, they weren't going to college, plain and simple. It was that way until about 10 years ago. I started working at a private university. One of the benefits of working here is free tuition for me and my dependents. There have been lots of bumps in the road. What I do is not my dream job, not even close, and many times over the 10 years I have thought, I can't do this. I'm just going to find another job, but I stayed. Sunday afternoon is the big pay off. My oldest girl will walk across the stage, and because I work here, I will get to hand her her diploma making her a college graduate with a degree in Theatre Arts. It doesn't get much more "worth it" than that!

I Wish......

In less than 12 hours my baby, my little girl, will walk across a stage and shake the Principal's hand and be handed a piece of paper, and in about 90 minutes, 13 years of classes, and papers and homework will all come to an end. How is this possible? This is going to sound so cliche, but where does the time go? I swear it was just yesterday that I was worried that if I got a new job that I had interviewed for that I might not be able to watch my baby get on the bus for her very first day of kindergarten. I can still see her in that denim, jumper and purple striped shirt with her, as she has dubbed it, her Dora the Explorer haircut. So much has happened in these 13 years. Lots of ups, a few downs, but always, we went through them together. I'm not going to turn this post into a bragfest. I have written many times about how proud I am of her accomplishments. What I will make this about is what I wish for her. I wish that she will always see how incredibly beautiful she is, and no matter what, that will never change because her beauty shines from the inside. I want her to realize how very talented she is and be confident in what she has to offer. More than anything, I want her to be happy with her choices in life and love and relationships. She has so much to offer as a friend, a wife and, yes, even a mother, someday...NO RUSH, and I mean that. I wish that she will always know that I am here for her no matter what, even if she thinks that what she's going to tell me will make me mad or disappointed, I want her to know that she can tell me ANYTHING. I hope that she will always look back on her childhood as a happy one even with its financial struggles and being raised in a single parent home. I hope that she will look back on the mistakes I have made and remember that most of the time I owned up to them and apologized. I hope that she will remember that I didn't just hear her, I listened to her. More than anything I wish for her true success, the kind that comes from doing what you love and doing it well. So, my sweet girl, as you enter this next phase of your life, make the choices that make YOU happy, even if everyone around you tells you you are foolish. You are so bright, and you, and only you, know the best path to take. Thank you for letting me be on the path with you these past 13 years, and as you now walk ahead, know that I am right behind you. Love you hug you!

Pomp and ................

Today is a very special day in the life of our family. My oldest will graduate from high school. She is the first, she is the trailblazer. I have written many posts about her over this past year beginning with the first day of her senior year. This will not be the last post about her, I am sure, but it will be the last one that I write as we close the door on this chapter of her life, and yes, I am already crying while writing this, did you have any doubt? Last night I attended her Baccalaureate Ceremony. I didn't cry as much as I thought I would, but I watched her walk out of the gym as the seniors recessed, and I thought, "She looks like a grown-up." There's a reason for that. She is. Sometimes I think that she's been a grown up since age 6, and there have been times in the last few weeks where she seemed like my baby at age 18, but one thing is for sure, after today, she ends this period of her life where decisions are made for her, and she starts the journey on making her own decisions. I have every confidence that she will make the right ones. This past week someone approached me at one of the many Graduation events, and congratulated me and brought to my attention how much more this must mean because she was raised by a single parent. I had never thought about that until she said it, but she was right. It is hard to be a single parent, but I have had so many people to help me along the way. Without those people's help, I don't know how our little family of three would have turned out, and I am not sure whether I would be attending a Graduation this evening. I stopped to think about so many kids who come from broken homes who give up or act out. They end up with a drinking problem or on drugs or worse. Mine didn't end up that way. In the words of Lorelei Gilmore, "I got the good kid!"
This is a huge accomplishment, and I am so proud. I wanted to celebrate in a big way! But celebrating in a big way requires resources, and those are a little slim, so all I have to give her today are my words, PRIDE, GRATITUDE and LOVE! Indulge me today, dear daughter, and cut me some slack if some tears are shed as I close this door.