Suddenly Audrey

Saturday evening I was driving, and I felt a little numb (emotionally not physically for those reading this who are concerned for my safety) I was feeling maybe a little blue, but not really sad. It was just weird. I guess I was feeling Magenta, as Blanche Devereaux from "The Golden Girls" would call it. The week prior had been a tornado of frenzied activity as my baby girl was in her last rehearsals leading up to her final 3 shows in High School. I was helping with make-up and hair, so I was right there with her every night caught up in all of it! And then it was all over. I guess that's what I can blame the Magenta feeling on. You know how you feel when a television show you've followed for years finally ends? You've spent years with these people and watching performances that move you and make you laugh, and then that fateful day arrives when you realize I'm never going to see this again. I'm not doing very well at expressing this. I have talked about my youngest in blog posts before. We are extremely close! I have bragged about her singing and acting before, but this was different. Each night I was backstage with her right before show time, and behind the false eyelashes and platinum blond wig, she was her same old self, joking and laughing with her friends, getting frustrated with me because I wasn't styling the wig exactly the way she wanted it, and anything else that's uniquely her. Then I would leave to take my place in the audience to watch the production, Little Shop of Horrors. When Georgi walked out on that stage, she was Audrey, voice, mannerisms, walk, totally transformed. And then she opens her mouth to sing. WOW! Now, let me stop here to say that I am not surprised by her performance at all. In fact I have come to expect it because, plain and simple, she has a God-given talent for all of this. I wish I had been as good as she is when I was 18! Maybe I would have had the courage to GO FOR IT, as they say. Here's the thing, she doesn't realize just how good she is, and that natural talent, like hers, is rare, and that some day it will open huge doors for her. And I guess that's what made me have that numb kind of zenned out feeling, the realization that I was not going to get to see that phenomenal performance any more. It was a moment in time, and now it had passed, and I wasn't ever going to have that moment again. Now, that is not to say that she will never perform again. I know she will, but this one just hit me hard because it is the end of an era, and soon all things that have anything to do with childhood and growing up will be gone. And, yes, do you even have to ask, I am crying while typing this. So, thank you so much, Georgi, for letting me share in this wonderful experience, and seeing you become "Suddenly Audrey" I will miss her, and I know you will too.

The First of the Lasts

I have decided to write this blog post today because I can cry at home without attracting too much attention. Just kidding! Not really. I have already started, and I'm only 5 sentences in. Tomorrow, September 3, 2013, my youngest, my baby, will begin her senior year in high school. For this household, it will be our last ever first day of school. I cannot believe that I have watched her do this for 13 years already. I can still remember exactly what she was wearing her first day of Kindergarten, a little jeans jumper and a striped purple shirt, and no I didn't have to search through pictures to recall. She had a little bob haircut, a style in later years she told me she disliked greatly. That wouldn't be the last opinion she would share through her school years as she definitely speaks her mind. :) I walked her and her sister down to the bus top and cried just like I am now, and I am sure there will be many tears shed this year as I watch this beautiful young woman experience all the things that have to do with your final year in school knowing it's the last bit of childhood I have to hold onto. If you read this blog at all or if you know me personally, you know that our life has been a struggle. She has grown up without a father as a daily presence in her life as her father and I separated when she was 2. Some would say, "Well that's all she has ever known, so it probably wasn't that bad," and that argument has valid points. How can you miss what you never had? But on the other hand, you don't even have the memories of what it is to be daddy's little girl. Thank God for my father as he took over that role for both of my girls but especially my youngest. They shared lots of time together as we lived with my parents for her preschool years and beyond. Her older sister was already in school so that made for lots of quality time spent with my dad as he was retired and her primary caregiver for most of the day. If you asked her she would say that I have been all she has ever needed, but it's really the other way around. My children were my saviors. I pulled myself up because of them. That little girl in the jeans jumper has lifted my spirits more than she will ever know with her wisdom far beyond her years. Her depth of compassion is staggering! I know that tomorrow will carry with it bittersweet feelings as we experience the first of many lasts this year together. Bitter, well for obvious reasons as I have already gone through three tissues typing this and sweet because I am so proud of the young woman she has become. I know every parent says that about their kid, but for this one, there's something more, something none of us will ever know. Every person she comes in contact with will be touched in some way by her humor, her compassion, her honesty, and it will change them. I know she has changed me, and at the risk of her reading this, and saying, "Mom, that's so cheesy!" I will close with these lyrics: Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
                                                        But because I knew you,
                                                        I have been changed for good.
Go change the world, sweet girl! I love you!

And just like that, another year gone.

2012 was a wonderful year for me. For one thing, I spent a good amount of the year working as a professional actor. I had a lot of firsts this year. In August, I moved my oldest daughter into college. That was a first for me, but also a first for my family as no one in our family has ever attended college before. I survived without too many tears, and she is flourishing there, and I am so proud. Last fall I was nominated for an RTCC award for my performance in "Always, Patsy Cline", another first and such an honor. And in November I had the opportunity to film a commercial for the VA Lottery, quite an experience. I celebrated 30 years with my senior class and was glad to reconnect with so many friends, and I achieved my 50 lb. mark in weight loss. Those were the big moments and so many others to make a really blessed 2012.
2013 will bring many things for me. I will reach year 50 in October, so I am sure this will be a huge year of reflection for me. I want to continue to shed pounds and keep exercising for my health because I want to be here for another 50 to watch my girls as they continue on the amazing path they're on to the fabulous women they are becoming with each passing day. I want to continue to act as it is my greatest gift I have to share, and I feel so alive when I'm on stage. I will begin the college search with my youngest, and exciting time for both of us. My oldest will turn 21 this year, and my youngest will begin her senior year in the fall. 2013 will be filled with milestones for my little family of three. I am ready to face them all because I have their love and support through everything. I cannot imagine what my life would be without them. Bring it on 2013, we're ready for you!