It is hard to believe that a little over 3 days ago I had brain surgery, and now I am sitting in my living room writing a blog post. Except for a little stuffiness in my nose, leftover from having it packed for 3 days, I feel fine. I'll admit I was a little nervous as Tuesday approached. I had no idea what to expect. I knew surgery would go fine, but I didn't know what I would face when I came out of anesthesia. Truthfully, I never really had any real pain beyond a sinus headache. Actually I had more pain from the numerous times I have been stuck for labs and IV's
It's been such smooth sailing that I cannot believe that I had, in my doctor's own words, a HUGE tumor removed from the middle of my brain. As I talked to Dr. Sahni before I left the hospital today he actually said that he could not believe I was walking around with it without complaining. I cannot tell you why things are going so well. It could be that I heal very well. I have a positive attitude. I have a high tolerance for pain. It could be all of those, but I do know that from the moment I announced I had this hundreds of people have held me in prayer and loving thoughts. I am so thankful for the love and support that everyone has shown to me and my family. I still have a journey ahead. There was a little leakage of spinal fluid, and a little fat was taken from my side to act as a plug. He could have taken all the fat, I don't mind sharing. My biggest challenge right now is taking it easy, not something I'm used to doing, but I am following doctor's orders. It's hard to judge the healing of something internal. I will close for now as I don't want to overdo, but thank you for being with me every step of the way,
Well, ladies and gents, it is 12:20 AM on the day of my surgery. I have eaten my last morsel and drunk my last sip of water. In 5 short hours I will be on my way to the hospital for brain surgery. As the witching hour approaches, it seems surreal. This morning around 8AM I will go to sleep, and when I wake up about 5 hours later, this tumor will be gone. There are so many things I wonder about. How will I feel? What will my vision be like? How much have I just gotten used to? Of course, the big one, how much pain will I feel? I will be honest. I am a tad bit apprehensive. The anticipation is always far worse than the actual event. But tonight as I was riding around taking care of last minute things, something wonderful was happening, My phone was blowing up with friends and family texting and posting to Facebook their loving thoughts and prayers. I went to an event on Sunday night for the Richmond Theatre Community. My night was filled with hugs and squeezes and kisses all wishing me well and surrounding me with love! How can things not go well today?
You may be wondering about the title of this post. My tumor is pretty round, and it has a small dark spot in the center, an eye, if you will, so I have named it Mike Wazowski, after the character in "Monsters, Inc." Mikey, my friend, time to exit stage right, and forget about a sequel!
Looking at my newsfeed on Facebook today, I saw a clip posted of a brief mini-sermon, you could call it, with the title, "It's Friday, but Sunday is Coming!" The speaker was addressing Good Friday. He pointed out all the sad and tragic things that were going on that day in the life of Jesus, but with each phrase he would end with the uplifting, "But Sunday is coming!" No one, except, perhaps, Jesus knew that SUNDAY and all the hope that held was coming. Even the human nature of Jesus on the cross cried to God why He had forsaken Him. Imagine the fear, the despair, the grief of his friends, followers, loved ones. We have the benefit of knowing that Sunday did come! Jesus is alive!! But at that moment when Jesus breathed his last, they all knew it was over. It made me think. How many "Fridays" do we have in our lives? How many times do we feel that all hope is lost, nothing will ever be right again, we are stuck in a vicious downward spiral of despair? When those times come, if we can just remember that Sunday is coming. There is hope! We can survive! We are loved!
Several years ago, I felt like my life was one big Friday. Nothing was going right!!! I was taking a Bible study, and the last part of it was to be in a half day of prayer. This was a little daunting for me. I pray, but I could not imagine spending 4 hours praying. How would I stay focused? I read some suggestions the study had of starting by writing a letter to God. I decided that's what I would do. The day came, and we were holding our prayer day at the home of one of the ladies in our class. We each picked a room in her house where we could be alone. I picked one of the bedrooms. Armed with my Bible and a spiral notebook and pen, I sat down in the small room. I began to write, "Dear God......" and it began to flow. However, you couldn't really call it a prayer. My words were angry and filled with "Why is my life this way?" "Why are you punishing me?" "What have I done to deserve this?", "Why have you left me?" "WHERE ARE YOU?!!" I took a small break in my rant to God and looked up as I was writing. There, spanning the wall, directly across from me was a painting hanging over the bed. It was a painting of a stormy sea with a lighthouse shining it's beacon at one end of the picture. That painting was my SUNDAY. It was what I call a sledgehammer moment. It was just like God saying to me, "Like this lighthouse, I am always here to guide you through the storm. However, you must look for Me." I was humbled. My rant became an apology for my selfishness and anger. Do you have goosebumps yet? It gets better. After our 4 hours of prayer were over, we joined each other in the main room to share what we had experienced. I told my story of the painting. The owner of the house told me that the painting had been under the bed and she had just decided to hang it a few days ago. I believe in signs, messages in all shapes and forms. I truly believe that God knew I was going to be in that room and needed to send me that message. When I am going through the Friday's of my life, I think of that Lighthouse and know that SUNDAY IS COMING!!!
In recent days I have found myself praying for some very close friends facing major challenges in their life, some physical, some emotional, all difficult. These people have been on my mind and heart for days. I know that not everyone reading this is a praying person, but I am, and I find that sometimes it is the ONLY thing I can do. Prayer gets a bad rap. So many believe that if they pray for something, and it doesn't happen that their prayer is not being heard or answered. Well, sometimes what we pray for is not what is supposed to be. Now, at this point, some of you are saying, then what is the use of praying? Prayer, for me, is not a time for wishes to be granted, although, there are still many times that I find myself with that list that is more suited to sending to Santa Claus rather than God. Sometimes prayer is just about comfort and guidance, especially in a difficult situation. I do not presume to know all the answers of the universe, which is precisely why I pray. I believe in a God who does. That is comforting to me. One of the situations I am praying for right now is about an infant who is literally fighting for his life. His mother journals about what is going on, and yesterday she said, "Pray for peace." What an incredible faith! Peace may come in many different forms, including the loss of her child, and the human part, the selfish part of us wants that child to stay here with us, no matter what, but staying may mean pain and suffering. I know miracles can happen. I believe that, so please don't take this that I don't have hope, I do. We all do. Hope is something we cling to in the worst of times. It has gotten me through more times than I can count. Praying for others also helps me. I find it comforting that there is a plan, that I am not holding all the cards or controlling the situation. I am able to unburden that, and that is a relief.
All of us go through trials. It is part of life, and there is no comparison when it comes to suffering. I always say suffering is relative. I always hated it, and still do, when I was or am going through something that, to me, was awful, and someone would say that things could be worse, and compare my suffering to someone else's situation that trumped my own. Yes, there are definitely people worse off than I am, but knowing that doesn't make what I'm going through any easier. When I am faced with the hardships that friends and family are enduring, it does make me examine my own life and appreciate the joys and blessings that I do have instead of taking them for granted. In the movie "White Christmas", Bing Crosby sings a song that is exactly what I am talking about. The lyrics are, "When I get worried, and I can't sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep, and I fall asleep counting my blessings." Yes, I have had my share of suffering, but my blessings are abundant. Some of which I would not have had it not been for the suffering, blessings in disguise I guess you could say, and for that I am TRULY grateful!
