♪♫ You Can't Always Get What You Want ♫♪

I have spent the better part of today listening to people who are disappointed. Some take it as part of life and move on.Some want to whine a little but still accept it, and then there are the few that refuse to accept it and demand that the situation MUST be changed! This isn't possible! How can I be denied anything? And then they begin the process of trying to change it. When did it become the norm that life is always exactly the way we want it, and disappointment never occurs? That has never been the world I've grown up in, nor was it the world I raised my children into. What people fail to realize is there is no good without the existence of bad, and sometimes the answer is "NO" What kind of fragile, glass world are you building for a child if you arrange everything in their life to go exactly the way they want it? You may buck the odds for a time and be able to succeed, but each year that goes by untouched by failure or hurt or sadness sets that child up for that one day when the disappointment will come, and instead of it being a small crack to cope with, that glass world will shatter into a million pieces. By making everything run smooth until that point, you have taught that child nothing about coping. In all of your grandiose efforts to keep anything from going wrong, you've actually hurt them in the process. Disappointment is part of life, and often it's the things that go wrong that make us stronger and equip us for the next derailment of our oh so perfectly planned life. Two years ago, just about this time, we found out that my oldest daughter would not be going to the college of her dreams, and for a while, we were devastated. Instead of putting all our efforts in trying to change that outcome, we focused, instead, on acceptance and making another plan. One year ago, about this same time, we found out that she would be attending another college, and in a few short weeks, she will have finished her first year there. She could not be happier. She is thriving and happier than I have seen her in a very long time. She is where she is supposed to be, but if she had spent all of her time when she received that disappointing news trying in vain to change it and refusing to accept the answer, "NO" she would not have opened herself to the possibility of a new college and would be miserable. You can't always get what you want, but you might just get what you need.

Relay for Life

In 2008 I had a rare and wonderful opportunity as an actor. I had a stage partner who was as giving and natural as any I had ever worked with. We were cast as husband and wife in a show called "Breakfast with Les and Bess" This show called for pages of dialogue between just me and my fellow actor. With someone else in his role, it could have been a nightmare. It was a joy!! I am relatively sure that anyone seeing that performance may have thought we were actually married to each other in real life. Our chemistry and rapport was just that good! For the brief 3 week run, I felt like this actor was my husband. I was so proud of the work we did together! The couple in this show have their differences. In fact, you think they might even split. You see them fight and argue, but in the end you find out that they really love each other, and that for all of Les' arguing, what he really wants is more time with his Bess. There is a scene at the end of the show, and the character of Les makes a gesture that is so sweet to show his wife just how much he loves her. It's the final moment in the show. I can still see myself looking at my sweet friend with a little tear in my eye and grabbing his hand as the lights went down. The actor was Jay McCullough. Why did I tell you that story, you ask? Because shortly after that show closed, Jay found out he had cancer, and in 2009 it took him from us. My family has no history of cancer, thank God, so I had never lost anyone close to me to the disease. I guess that's why Jay's death affected me so much. Cancer robbed the world of this wonderful, giving, sweet talented man. I felt cheated. I wanted more time with him. I wanted more chances to work with him, to create with him, and cancer said, "NO!"
I am sure you have heard of Relay for Life. My workplace has a team who is walking. I cannot be there for the event, but I have committed to raise money. I've dedicated my efforts to Jay's memory. The link will take you to my page. Please help me with my goal so that the world doesn't have to lose any more wonderful people like Jay to this frightening disease.

I Dreamed a Dream

I just saw a post on Facebook along with some newly released pictures of a very young Julie Andrews that March 15th marked the 57th anniversary of the opening of My Fair Lady on Broadway. Seeing those pictures opened a floodgate of memories for me. I saw my first production of My Fair Lady at Swift Creek Mill Playhouse. I had just finished a run as "Amaryliss" in their production of The Music Man, and the next show up was My Fair Lady. Our cast was invited to their I.D.R. (for those not in the biz, that stands for Invitational Dress Rehearsal. The production does not have a paying audience, but is usually ready for one, and friends and family are invited so the cast can get used to the reactions of an audience before the critics come) That was back in 1974, and I had just turned 11. I had already been bitten by the Theatre Bug at a very early age. Doing Music Man for the previous 5 months had solidified my immersion into the theatre world, and I wasn't leaving anytime soon. I felt special being invited to see this production. The show starred Lynn West in the role of  "Eliza." Lynn was my "Marian", so imagine how cool I felt that I knew the star of the show. I was mesmerized from the first notes of the overture, and I fell in love with what would become my first dream role. Ask any actor to tell you what their dream role is, and they will have at least one, and probably a whole list. Mine has evolved over the years as I grow older. Alas, some of my dream roles will always be just that, dreams, because I have passed the age to be able to play them.To put it bluntly: I'M TOO OLD! :( But... Eliza Doolittle was my first dream role. I bought the Original Broadway cast album on vinyl (yes, I know I'm dating myself) after seeing the show, and I played it over and over again on my stereo Hi-Fi in my little corner bedroom, singing every song to the top of my lungs! The closest I ever came to my dream was singing "Wouldn't It Be Loverly" complete with Cockney accent, clad in a dress, shawl and hat with coal dust brushed on my face for my 5th grade talent show. Considering the fact that I will turn 50 in 8 months, the window of opportunity has passed for me to ever play "Eliza" unless some day in the very distant future my retirement home decides to do a production. I won't hold my breath. Until then, I will be happy to be playing any role that is offered to me because it's really about being on the stage for me, but just in case any potential directors are reading this particular entry, here's a wish list: Mama Rose in Gypsy, Mrs. Lovett in Sweeney Todd, and I've played her once, but I'd love to play her again now that I'm a little closer to her age, Charlotte Hay in Moon Over Buffalo. ;)

The Bradys had it right!

Yes, I know I haven't blogged in a while. I promised myself when I started this blogging thing that I would not write unless I felt inspired or something moved me to do so. That kept me from putting pressure on myself and from putting up a post just to be putting something up. Who wants to read that? So what inspired me now? Believe it or not, The Brady Bunch.  Lately the Hallmark Channel has been broadcasting reruns of this iconic 1970's series, and I have been watching. I grew up with the Brady family. They aired for the first time in 1969. I was 6 years old, about the age of Cindy and Bobby, and it went off the air in 1974. I was in the 5th grade. I don't have to tell you that things have changed immensely from 1969 until now, especially in the way that kids and parents interact and kids in general. WARNING!! This may turn into a back in my day post. Yesterday an episode aired that really got me to thinking. Greg, the oldest of the Brady Boys, was 15 years old and looking to get an after school job to save for a car to be able to buy when he turned 16. Okay, let's stop right here. Greg didn't go to his parents asking for a car or the money to buy a car. Better yet, he wasn't expecting to be handed a car as reward for the miraculous feat of turning 16. He was asking his parents if he could get a job to SAVE money to purchase a car himself. I know! Crazy, right? Wait! There's more! He gets a job at his father's architectural firm cleaning up and making deliveries. He's asked to make an important delivery of architectural blueprints. On the way he stops at a news stand to purchase the latest car trader magazine. While there the blueprints slip out of the tube carrying them and onto the street unbeknownst to Greg. He arrives home late to greet his parents with the bad news. He is late, by the way, because he has ridden everywhere on his bike looking for the lost documents. When he tells his parents the news, he is truly remorseful. Carol, his mother, asks if he stopped anywhere. He says no at first, but then remembers the news stand. He stands there with the folded magazine tucked in his belt. Mike, his father, reaches for the magazine and says, "For this." Greg apologizes for losing the blueprints to which Mike replies in a calm but disappointed voice, waving the magazine, "But you didn't lose this, did you?" I turned to my 17 year old daughter, who was watching with me, and said, "That's exactly like something I would say." This was no surprise to her because she was raised in the "Brady" fashion. For all of the sitcom's cheesy story lines and "what did you learn from this?" The six children were taught to be respectful, to share, be considerate of others, to be honest and selfless, and what's wrong with that? I started thinking that I cannot remember hardly any episodes where someone was being bratty, and if they were, they learned their lesson by the end of the episode. What happened? Why are children allowed today to behave, as my grandmother would say, "like they were raised in a barn?" What happened to simply expecting children to behave? Call me crazy, but I think the world would be a much better place if we took a parenting lesson from Mike and Carol

Seventeen

No, not the magazine! It's a weird age, isn't it? You're not sweet sixteen anymore, and you have a whole year until you're a legal adult. Today, 17 means something very special. For today my baby girl turned 17. 17 years ago today with at least 2 feet of snow on the ground, I made a trip to the hospital to have my baby. She was supposed to be delivered by C-section on Groundhog Day, February 2nd, but since they were calling for even more snow, my doctor wanted to bump it up a day so he could get out of town. And so, the blizzard of 1996 became a very special time for me because it brought me my precious baby girl. Georgi's and my relationship is a special one! Perhaps that is because we are so much alike or it could be that I have been the only parent she has ever lived with. She was only 2 when her father left, and because of that, she has no memory of having a "dad" in the house at all. I have never remarried, and so it has remained that way for the last 15 years. I have been Mom and Dad. Georgi has always been the one to challenge from the time she was small. She was the free spirit. She is the epitome of asking forgiveness instead of permission. With all of that she has grounded me more times than I can say. She has been the voice of reason so many times when I had lost sight of what was really important. She has sacrificed, given up and gone without and never complained. When most kids are saying, "I want it", she's saying, "I don't need it!" It amazes me! I truly cannot believe how blessed I am. How is it that God picked me to raise this wonderful human being. For the past six months Georgi and I have pretty much been on our own as her sister left for college last August. I wasn't really sure how that was going to go. I mean, it's always been the three of us, but I am savoring every minute of "alone" time with my baby. Don't get me wrong! We miss her sister immensely, but our relationship has deepened and grown as we discuss our thoughts and feelings on everything! I recently started working with a new colleague, and in our conversations I have mentioned the different things that Georgi and I talk about and share. She said, "I don't think you know how lucky you are that you have that kind of relationship with your girls. I think it's rare." I suppose it is which makes me cherish it all the more. Georgi, you're my daughter, and I love you. That goes without saying, but you are so much more than that to me. You are an awesome woman with feeling and compassion for others. You're forgiving and level headed and strong and so smart about the things in life that really matter. I see so much of myself in you, but you are already 10 times the woman now than I ever hoped to be. I love you hug you more than bunnies! Happy Birthday!

I Get the Message!

Isn't it funny when something speaks to you that you seem to see that same running theme everywhere? It's kind of like when you buy a new car in a color that seems unique at the time, and then every car you see on the road is that same color, the one you thought was so exclusive just a day ago. Lately it seems I am surrounded by people who are going through challenges, and it made me think of the challenges in my own life. More importantly, it made me reflect on how I handled and continue to handle them. I have never been a wallower ( I'm pretty sure that's not a word), but meaning I have never been one when faced with a particular problem, trial, challenge, whatever you want to call it that I sit and wallow and lament my situation. In fact, I think sometimes people think I'm a little callous or unfeeling because my attitude is not "Why, Why, Why?" It's "This sucks!, but how are we going to deal with it?" This is not to say that I think no one should be able to be sad or emotional when they get slammed with this wonderful thing called life. Believe me, I have done my share of crying, but it's the letting those circumstances bog you down, control you, guide your every move and thought that I'm condemning. My daughter wrote her own blog post today dealing with this same subject. My other daughter was dealing with some issues of her own surrounding, again, this same subject. Today as I read one's blog and talked with the other as she helped a friend, I couldn't help but be proud and in awe of what awesome women they have become. Neither one is a stranger to struggle or adversity. As I have shared in this blog many times before they both had a hard blow dealt them when they were very young. Struggle has been more the norm than the occasional occurrence, and yet they have persevered and become stronger for it. At the risk of crossing the line into "patting myself on the back" territory, I think a lot of how they deal with life came from the fact that I have never sugar-coated anything! I always tell the truth, even when it's not so easy to hear. I have encouraged them, and I am always in their corner, but I have never given them false hope about any situation. I have never been the mom that when my kid came home from preschool with a picture they colored entirely brown to say, "Oh, Honey, That's beautiful!" rather I would question, "Why didn't you use any other colors?"  Some would think me awful for that, but my honesty opens a dialogue about color and feelings and all sorts of things. What is fair in encouraging anyone to do something they really have no talent for? If you are not honest with your child about their abilities or lack of, in some cases, and you constantly tell them that they are good or, worse yet, the best at something, they will believe you, and someday someone will deliver the crushing blow that they really have no talent at all, and they are left questioning why you lied to them all of those years. I'm rambling, but the basic thought is this. Life is hard! People make mistakes. You can't always be the best. Sometimes things don't work out. The triumph is not in winning but surviving and becoming stronger when you lose.

And just like that, another year gone.

2012 was a wonderful year for me. For one thing, I spent a good amount of the year working as a professional actor. I had a lot of firsts this year. In August, I moved my oldest daughter into college. That was a first for me, but also a first for my family as no one in our family has ever attended college before. I survived without too many tears, and she is flourishing there, and I am so proud. Last fall I was nominated for an RTCC award for my performance in "Always, Patsy Cline", another first and such an honor. And in November I had the opportunity to film a commercial for the VA Lottery, quite an experience. I celebrated 30 years with my senior class and was glad to reconnect with so many friends, and I achieved my 50 lb. mark in weight loss. Those were the big moments and so many others to make a really blessed 2012.
2013 will bring many things for me. I will reach year 50 in October, so I am sure this will be a huge year of reflection for me. I want to continue to shed pounds and keep exercising for my health because I want to be here for another 50 to watch my girls as they continue on the amazing path they're on to the fabulous women they are becoming with each passing day. I want to continue to act as it is my greatest gift I have to share, and I feel so alive when I'm on stage. I will begin the college search with my youngest, and exciting time for both of us. My oldest will turn 21 this year, and my youngest will begin her senior year in the fall. 2013 will be filled with milestones for my little family of three. I am ready to face them all because I have their love and support through everything. I cannot imagine what my life would be without them. Bring it on 2013, we're ready for you!