It's Not My Birthday, But I Got the Gift

Today is my mother's 76th birthday. This will be the best birthday to celebrate for me in a long time because for many years my mother has not felt well enough to do anything and certainly not celebrate. My mother has had lots of health issues through my 51 years, but in  recent years, mostly since my father passed in 2007, my mother's health has worsened. Some of her health problems are painful, and so doctors have prescribed very strong pain medication to "help" Percocet, Oxycodone and Morphine, to name a few. Over time those pills stopped helping and became the problem. I cannot remember the last time that my mother felt good. Most days in the past years, if I called her, she would answer sounding like death was near. There were several times that I or my girls were with her where she could barely keep her eyes open, and she would fall bruising herself terribly and not remember any of it. All of these circumstances piled on each other until she was visiting the hospital ER what seemed like every other week. Now, I am not saying that my mother was not in pain or that she was not sick, she was, but I knew that a good portion of that sickness, the shortness of breath, the stomach pain, was being caused or at the very least being made worse by the pain meds. What were we going to do? It is very hard to help someone dependent on prescription medication because the body needs it. Our family was at the end of our rope, and being one who is always honest and never one to hide my feelings, I stopped spending time with my mother. I hardly saw her. But something happened a little more than a month ago that has changed my life, her life, all of our lives. She took another trip to the ER, but she was admitted for bleeding ulcers. My sister and I discussed with the doctor if she would be able to go to physical rehab after discharge from the hospital. At 75, certainly not old in this day and age, she could barely walk, and she was always falling. The doctor agreed, and she went from the hospital to Beth Shalom to begin her rehab. The bonus was her meds were also being regulated and pain meds, other than Ibuprofen, were non-existent. It was hard at first. She didn't want to stay, but she stuck it out. She was there for almost a month, and the week after Mother's Day we took her back to her apartment. I cannot believe the difference in her. She looks healthy, she is upbeat and positive, and she can walk normally. My youngest has committed to seeing her every morning to help with her meds. I am trying to see her as much as I can, not because I feel I have to, but because I want to!
Today is my mother's birthday, but I have been given the gift. I have my mother back, and I cannot express how happy that makes me! Happy Birthday, Mommy! I feel like your little girl again, and it's a good feeling!

Ode to Chipotle

It's spicy! It's addictive! It's fresh, and today it was FREE! I discovered Chipotle about 3 years ago. A friend asked if I'd like to go there after we had seen a show together. I have to admit I was afraid of the spicy factor. I like a little spice, but I'm definitely a mild salsa kind of gal. I ordered the steak tacos. Yummy! A little spicy, but really tasty. I didn't go back very often, because, let's face it, I'm getting older, and my body doesn't love spicy but every so often. Now, let me say right now that I am not a bean lover, legumes to be specific. I don't eat limas or navy beans or baked beans or black-eyed peas or black beans or pinto beans, and refried beans? FORGET IT! So imagine my horror when I was at a rehearsal for a show and dinner was being provided from Chipotle, and it was Burritos! All I could think was BEANS!!!!, but I was hungry so I graciously took one and ate it. First of all if you've never had a Chipotle burrito, they could feed a small village. It's huge and stuffed to the max with rice, beans, meat, lettuce, cheese, pico de gallo, and sour cream. To my astonishment, I really liked it, and don't tell my daughter, but I couldn't even taste the beans. The other thing is that anyone who knows me knows that I don't eat food together. I eat one thing at a time, and usually in separate bowls, so mixing all of those things together and wrapping them in a tortilla was a real stretch for my palate. Don't think that I did a complete 360 the next time I went to Chipotle, I still didn't choose the beans, but they have this thing called a burrito bowl. It's pretty much everything that's in a burrito without the tortilla, burrito innards, so to speak. I ordered the burrito bowl with white rice, NO BEANS :), steak, mild salsa (which is really the freshest, most delicious pico de gallo you will ever taste) sour cream and cheese. My taste buds were doing the happy dance! Chipotle became my go to "fast food" place, although you can't really call it fast food, eventhough they are very quick in serving you, and you do go through a line, but it is FRESH, like cooking all the meat on a huge grill right behind the serving line FRESH. If you haven't guessed by now, I love Chipotle, so I was thrilled when my oldest gave me a gift card for Mother's Day. Pay day isn't until Friday, so I am a little low on funds at the moment, so today I was going to use my gift card to get lunch. I left to go to the brand new Chipotle that is the closest to my work. When I pulled into the parking lot I noticed that there was a man standing at the front door speaking to people as they came in and opening the door for them. I thought, WOW! talk about customer service! but then I noticed a sign on the door that said that the store would not be open until tomorrow. I was disappointed, but I thought I'd get out and ask anyway. I mean, other people were going in. As I got out of the car I said, "You're not opening until tomorrow?" He said, "You can come in." So in I went and got on line. I was greeted by a wonderful smile and very upbeat server asking me what I would like. Each server on the line was just as friendly and courteous. As I got to the cashier and she rang up my order, steak burrito bowl, chips, side of mild salsa and a large drink, she said $12.30. I started to hand her my gift card, and then she threw up her hands and said, "It's mock day! Everything is FREE!" I was thrilled, and so was everyone in the restaurant. As I filled up my drink cup at the fountain, two other ladies and I discussed how the experience made us feel. The one lady told me as she was leaving to have a great day. I was smiling from ear to ear as I got in my car. Today, Chipotle not only nourished my body, but my soul as well! Something I sorely needed today! Bravo Chipotle! Keep up the good work!

♪♫ And All That Jazz ♫♪

I was around 12 or 13 years old when I purchased an 8-track, yes, you read that right, an 8-track of the original Broadway cast recording of Chicago. From the first wails of the muted trumpet followed by 5,6,7,8, I was enthralled, I listened to it over and over again until I knew every word to every song, even the "bad" words. :-O I would go up to my bedroom, close the door and perform every number, complete with my own choreography. As much as I loved the show, I never saw the play. I did see the film when it came out in 2002, but it wasn't the same. I enjoyed it and all, but it didn't meet my expectation after years of listening to Jerry Orbach, Gwen Verdon and Chita Rivera singing my favorites, Razzle Dazzle, Roxie and, of course, All That Jazz.
Tonight, because of the generosity of a dear friend, I was given tickets to the opening night of the national tour of Chicago at the beautiful Altria Theater, and my oldest daughter and I ventured out on our night at the Theater. I was really excited, but a little apprehensive too as a lot of touring shows I have seen have ended up disappointing me. This one didn't! I loved it! This particular production was done with the original Bob Fosse choreography, and his unmistakable style just makes me happy, the bowlers and the stylized movements....ahhh...genius! And what a kick ass cast! The ensemble looked like an ad for some home exercising machine. All I can say is the human body, male or female, is a beautiful thing! I know being on the road has got to be hard, but you would never know it looking at this cast's performance, high energy and vocally, spot on! I had a hard time not singing along. Now, I wonder how much the soundtrack will cost on iTunes.

Whaddya Say?

Many years ago I was going through a particularly rough and stressful time in my life. My marriage was falling apart, but I had to keep it a secret. I had to go on as if nothing was wrong, and pretend I was happily married. The extreme stress of the situation manifested itself physically with me in the form of what I now know to be atypical migraines. I didn't know what they were when they happened. These atypical migraines manifested themselves in three different ways. When the first one happened I was really scared. I got up from the table after working at the computer all afternoon, and one side of my body was numb. I thought I was having a stroke. A trip to the ER, and a negative CAT scan later, and I  knew that I hadn't had a stroke but no explanation of the numbness. The second symptom I had was a sort of block vision. I would look ahead of me, and the horizon would build from the ground up in pixilated blocks. The third, to me, was the most terrifying. I was trying to speak, and my brain knew what I wanted to say, but when the words finally came out of my mouth, they were gibberish. It only lasted a short time, but I had no idea what was happening to me. I thought I had a brain tumor. I saw a neurologist, had an MRI and was eventually diagnosed with atypical migraines. The last symptom I described is a type of aphasia, and is very common in stroke victims. This brings me to the inspiration for this post. 

Back in July of 2010 I had the great fortune to be cast in a workshop production of a show called Company of Angels. Also cast in the show was an incredible young man named Jason Campbell. He was playing an angel named Robert who was trying to earn his wings, and his character talked incessantly and his lines came out like rapid fire. I had never worked with Jason before, but I soon fell in love with him as an actor and person. Early in 2014 Jason was on stage in a production of "Life Could Be a Dream" at Swift Creek Mill Theater when other cast members started to realize that something was wrong. Something was very wrong! Jason was having a stroke. We never think of young, vibrant people having strokes. Strokes are something  that 70 + people have. Jason was taken to the hospital and started a long road to recovery. In less than a year Jason has made incredible progress. To look at him, you would never know the trauma he has faced. It is only when Jason tries to speak to you that you see the one thing from the stroke that has not left him, aphasia. Very shortly after Jason came home from the hospital, my daughter and I went to visit him. He had very few words to say and the few words that did come out didn't seem to match the questions we had asked. Jason makes his living as a theatre teacher and actor. Aphasia makes that close to impossible. Because of some very giving people, Jason had the opportunity to go to the Aphasia Center in Florida. Through intensive treatment he has improved immensely from those first days. Everyday Jason posts a video announcing the date of the current day, and some thought to carry us through. Most days it is funny and very entertaining, but most of all it is inspiring. I dealt with aphasia for minutes, and it was incredibly frustrating and scary. Jason has been dealing with it for months. Not long ago Jason posted a video entitled "Honesty"  Click on  the link and please watch. https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10102297151427176&set=vb.25503273&type=2&theater 

I would have wanted to give up long ago, yet he presses on, never giving up, working tirelessly to do something we take for granted. Jason Campbell you are a hero to more people than you know. You can achieve the impossible, you already have! If you would like to contribute to help Jason continue at the Aphasia Center, please click on this link. http://www.gofundme.com/7odo30

I Hope You Have One Just Like You

Have you ever heard these words uttered by a parent to their child in frustration after the child has done something less than stellar, "I hope you have one just like you?" The parent usually means it as a sort of jinx as in I hope one day you'll know just how I feel today with your own kid. Well, I don't remember if that was ever said to me by my parents. It probably was because God knows I did some majorly frustrating things when I was little, but if they did, thank the Lord it came true. In so many ways, my baby, Georgi, is just like me. We are both stubborn. We are both very independent. We both like to cook. In so many other ways she is totally her own person, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Georgi wasn't really planned, not in the sense of exact timing. I had had one baby who had just turned 2 in September, and her father and I had decided that we would stop using birth control, and if it so happened that we got pregnant, it was meant for us to have a second child. I was playing the Ugly Duckling's Mother in a children's show the following May, and I found out I was expecting another baby. As with my first pregnancy, I didn't want to know what I was having, so the following February, in the blizzard of 1996, I traveled early one Thursday morning on February 1st to have my scheduled C-section, something my doctor and I had decided after complications with my first pregnancy. At 8:16 am, my OB announced in the surgical suite, "Indoor plumbing!," another little girl. I was very happy!
So many things have happened in the last 19 years, and I have shared stories before in this blog. My little snow angel baby is now a college girl, and I am so proud of all she is doing! I never worry about her! I totally trust her! How many moms say that about their 19 year olds? In so many ways she is all grown up, but in other ways she's still my little girl. She still calls me Mommy sometimes, and it's hard to let go of that tiny munchkin who drew on the wall with marker, but what an amazing friend I have gained! Happy Birthday, sweet girl! It's your birthday, but I'm the one who got the present.

Then They Came For Me

Survivors

70 years! What a very long time. 70 years ago, it would still be almost 20 years before I would come into this world. My mother was only 5 years old. My grandparents were 34 and 36. No, I am not writing this so that you will know the ages of my family in 1945. What happened 70 years ago today changed the world as we know it. Auschwitz, one of the Nazi's concentration camps was liberated on January 27, 1945. I cannot imagine what the remaining prisoners must have felt after the horrors they had seen and made to endure daring themselves to believe that it could all be over. How could they even imagine waking up on a morning and not wondering if this would be the day they would die or be killed? We can read memoirs and articles and books, and see movies and television shows and be absolutely shocked, but none of us will ever know what any of those people endured.
What allows someone to survive such unspeakable treatment? How can such evil exist? How can one human being treat another human being so terribly simply because they are different? I wish I had an answer. I don't. It is unfathomable to me that people could be so cruel and actually enjoy it.
This day has been designated as International Holocaust Remembrance Day. REMEMBRANCE DAY. Webster defines remember as to have or keep an image or idea in your mind of (something or someone from the past) to think of (something or someone from the past) again. According to this definition, there are very few left who can remember. I wish it were called something else. Remember seems too trivial to me. I want it to be called International Holocaust this happened, and we can never forget that it happened Day. I am so lucky to have grown up in relative comfort and without fear. So many don't. What these people were forced to do on a daily basis would have made me want to run just so that some SS guard's bullet would put me out of my misery, but so many endured, and lived to tell the story the Nazi's tried so hard to cover up. Thousands of people killed a day, a day, and one man convinced a nation it was the right thing to do. That scares the hell out of me! " The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." ~ Edmund Burke
What would have happened if one person had stood up for the right when it first started? We sit back and say, Well, it's not here. It's not happening to me. What can I do? I'm only one person?

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

2014..a look back.

So...it's over. The last post I wrote was about enjoying Christmas and not rushing here and there trying to cram everything holiday into the small window of time that I didn't stop to enjoy it. I am happy to say that I came pretty close to succeeding. Whether it was the fact that I didn't have time to rush around because I was working 1 full time job and 2 part time jobs or I took my own advice I'm not sure, but it was a much more laid back Christmas than I have had in years. It gave me some time to reflect on everything that has changed, some for the worse, but most for the better, in 2014. One of the most significant things that happened in 2014 was a double-edged sword for me. My baby graduated High School with honors last June. I was so proud of her, but I was also very sad. This was the end of school days for me. She has always been independent, but this marks society's definition of "no longer a child," and my role as a mother changes. This also marked the law's definition of adulthood, and child support ended in the middle of June, a day after she graduated. Because of this reduction in family income, I began to search for a part-time job, and in August I was hired to work with a local preschool with 2 and 3 year olds. I was excited but also extremely nervous. I am 51, and I haven't dealt with little ones in a LOONNGGG time! Would I be able to handle this? Would they like me? Would I be able to handle it physically? It was one of the sweetest experiences of my year. Physically, it was demanding, but 40 new little people made their way into my heart, and I will remember them for a very long time.
After working 9 years at my present job, I finally received a promotion. This, too, was a double edged sword as I was required to give up my job at the preschool. I will definitely miss the money, but it was heartbreaking to leave all those little faces. My new job is a challenge for many reasons, and I know it will take some time to settle in, but in the long run, I think it will be for the best.
In March of 2014, something very exciting happened! My oldest daughter was accepted as a transfer to a prestigious University, and would be moving back home. My little family of 3 would be under one roof again, and at the end of her very difficult first semester, she ended 2014 with all A's and B's. My youngest began college last fall and closed out the year with a 3.6 GPA. They both will do great things! They are the first 2 to go to college in our family, and I am in awe of them!
Physically, I made a big change in 2014. I decided to stop coloring my hair. I started getting gray hair in high school, just a stray here and there, but by the age of 22, the strays had grown enough for me to start coloring my hair. I have been coloring my hair dark brown for almost 30 years, but when my income reduced, I looked for any way to save money, and coloring my hair was something easy, so I stopped. The overall consensus is people love it. In fact some people think I have bleached my hair. It took me longer to get used to it, but I actually love it, and am very glad I took the plunge.

I have no idea what 2015 will hold for me. I'm a little anxious about things like finances and how the economy will affect me, but isn't everyone? I'm not really a resolution maker, but I do want to tackle 2015 with less stress, and live one day at a time. My mantra this year will be the prayer of serenity. I wish you the same!