Baseball, Hot Dogs, Apple Pie and.....Mass Shootings

It's been a while since I've posted, but I promised myself when I started this blog that I would post when I felt inspired to write. Yes, I know this is a hot topic right now, and I am not just jumping on the bandwagon, but I think things need to be said. This is not going to be super political. Well, I guess that depends on who is reading this, but here goes. When I was little there was a commercial for Chevrolet that had a jingle. ♪♫Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet.♫♪ saying, essentially, that Chevrolet was just as American as the other things listed that America is known for. Last week when I heard of yet another school shooting just weeks after 17 people were killed in a mass shooting in Parkland, FL, that jingle popped into my head. Right along with Baseball and Apple Pie, this country is known for mass shootings. I have 2 children. Both are finished with school, and I have to say I am glad, because, like you, I am concerned about the things that are happening more and more frequently. I read one comment after Parkland, and the person wrote that it wasn’t a matter of “if” you would be directly affected by a mass shooting but “when.” That really hit home for me. I work in a preschool, and we have been on lockdown twice since September. No inside threat, but you never know when that will occur. I also read another comment about other countries’ stats on gun violence. We’re doing something wrong. Why don’t we fix it? Now, I’m not saying get rid of all guns. Truthfully, I don’t think anyone is saying that. I grew up with handguns in my home. The only time I ever saw my dad fire it was to shoot a huge snake in the backyard. I have thought of owning my own personal handgun for protection in my home. I am not against gun ownership. I do, however, think it is ludicrous that I must show ID to buy Sudafed, but not a gun. I think that only the military should have the high-powered rifles that are designed to kill as many people as quickly as possible. No one needs a gun that was invented to kill people. They need to go, and NOW!! At the very least, if we are not going to get rid of them, we need to make it nearly impossible to get one. I am proud of the young people who are trying to bring about change, and I am ashamed of the supposed adults who have reverted to name calling and trying to discredit them, going so far as to claim they are actors. Give me a break! This is a real problem, and if we don’t do something about it soon, our young people will be the next things on the endangered species list.

A Little Less

I am sitting in my living room at 10:50 PM on New Year's Day with a little less. Usually "less" gives a negative connotation, and some of my "less" is negative. I have a little less money than last year, less time off, but I also have less debt, less stress and less sickness. This past Christmas, more than any other in recent years, I bought less. I'm not sure if it was because some counted on money didn't come through, or I found just the right things, but I knew I didn't have the money, and I made it work. Thanks to my little angel, Georgi, the house was clean, and we were able to enjoy all of our Christmas decorations, 3 trees and lighted garland on the mantle. I didn't feel rushed, and I probably had less time to prepare for Christmas this year than I have in years. What was the difference? I'm pretty sure I was happy this year, not that I haven't been happy in years before this year, I have, but I always let a lot of negative crap get in the way. It's amazing when you look back on something from a different place. The things I used to let bother me were so petty. I know. I'm rambling, but I guess what I'm trying to say is no matter what is going on around you life is what you make it. Yes, I realize that is cliche', and I've heard it thousands of times, but I really lived it this year. I can choose to be happy or not, and I'm sorry to say, for years I let myself be unhappy. I chose to focus on the negative and complain about it. Sorry girls! I'm not really a resolution type girl, but I am resolving that in 2018 I will try to be positive, and at the very least I will not dwell on the negative. Some very profound losses happened in 2017 that really made me think about what is important. Time is fleeting, and I am determined to make the most of it even if it's with a little less.

What Has She Got That I Ain't Got?.....COURAGE!

In about 7 hours my oldest daughter will step onto a stage in New York City to sing. About a month ago she went to New York to audition for a Showcase. For those of you not in the theatre world, a showcase is an event where several people perform to exhibit their talent for casting directors and sometimes agents. She made it into the showcase, a feat in itself, and yesterday at 8AM I dropped her off at the bus station to start her 3 day whirlwind adventure. I have blogged before that my oldest wants to be an actress. So did I at her age (25). Heck, I still do! I'm 54. But she has one thing I really didn't. One thing that will propel her at least half of the way, COURAGE! I would have been scared to death to get on a bus all by myself and travel to the Big City and venture out alone to find my audition site, my performance venue, my whatever. And this isn't the first time she's done it. I know it's the way you have to be in the business, and I am so glad that she got that fearlessness, from where I don't know. It's not in my genes. It is killing me that I can't be there to hear her New York debut, but I know she will kick ass because she wants to! I love you more than anything, sweet girl. This is just the beginning of great, great things! Break a leg and "Sing out, Louise!"

Still, Still, Still

Something happened Friday that made me "take pause," to speak in old fashioned terms. It snowed. Now, it's no secret that I LOVE snow! I always have. I joke and say if I ever get married again, I want it to be in the snow under a full moon. Don't worry. You won't have to go out and buy a formal overcoat anytime soon. (cue rim shot) In all seriousness, snow is magical! Amazingly everything gets quiet. I was driving home in it, and the roads weren't bad yet. It was just falling, and the trees were covered, and it truly looked like a Winter Wonderland. Because of that, this entire weekend I have felt relaxed, not rushed, not obsessed with what has to be done, not running around too busy preparing for a season making it impossible for me to enjoy. 8 years ago I was in a lovely production of  A Christmas Carol that included the carol, Still, Still, Still. I had never heard it before singing it in the show. Part of the lyrics are "Still, still, still, one can hear the falling snow." You have to be still to hear snow falling, not running or rushing around. Friday's snowfall let me be "still." Being still reminded me that this season is about joy! I am happier than I have been in a long time! I am so blessed, and I am going to take time to be still and be thankful for my joy. Can you hear the snow falling?

A Little Message from Kroger

About a week ago I received a pack of coupons from Kroger. You know, the ones that they send you that are actually useful because they are tracking what you're buying using your loyalty card. Here's the thing. They were addressed to Ralph Moore but here at my address. Ralph Moore is my father, and today is the 10th Anniversary of his death. I know all kinds of things are stored in data bases, and things can get mixed up, and my father and I have shared the same address, but I have not lived at that address for 6 years. I have only lived at my present address for a year and a half. How did his name get attached to this address, and how did it get linked to my Kroger card? And right now you're thinking, "why all this tadoo about some coupons? Here's why. I don't think it was a computer glitch at all. I think it was my Daddy's way of letting me know he's still around, and he hasn't really left me totally alone. I've written about my dad before, but I'm not sure I've shared what I'll share today. My dad had a hard life growing up. He was the youngest of I think 7 brothers and sisters. His dad died when he was 3. They were dirt poor living in a tiny town in Georgia. He had one eye that was severely crossed, and he never had any surgery to correct it. As I'm sure you can imagine, that invited a lot of teasing. He dropped out of high school because of, what we would label bullying today, not because he was scared, but he didn't want to be involved in the fights anymore. He was smart as a whip, and I know, given the chance, he could have had every degree available. Life just never gave him the chance. I got the feeling from talking to him that no one was really in his corner rooting for him, encouraging him or even pushing him to his potential. For all of that background, he could have been nothing, but he wasn't. The first memories I have of my dad were of him working for NCR - National Cash Register - He repaired cash registers. He was on the cutting edge of technology as NCR sent him to school to learn about the way the "new" computerized cash registers would work. Consequently, he knew more about computers than anyone I knew. He could always figure it out. He had that kind of brain. That makes him sound analytical and cold, but he was anything but. He would cry at the littlest things that touched him. He was probably the biggest reason I have such a sensitive side. I joke all the time that I cry at a Hallmark commercial. The biggest thing I want the world to know about my dad was that he was always in my corner. He believed in me and everything I wanted to do. He always supported me from the time I was singing in the Cherub choir at age 3 to attending the numerous shows I was in until his health prevented him from doing so.  Until the day he died, he was trying to get me to send a tape of me singing, and then in later years, me and my girls singing together to someone because he just knew we would be famous. A good part of who I am is because of my dad. Through everything, good and bad, I knew he loved me ALWAYS! I miss him a lot, but I know he's around. He just used Kroger to remind me. LOVE YOU, DADDY!
Note: I started writing this on 11/16, the true anniversary.

Make Your Own Joy

I sat in church today, and the preacher said something that struck me. He talked about "waiting for your joy." Waiting for my joy...that concept of, "if I could just get this or that, I'd be happy." I fell into that trap and fell out or was pushed out, when at 34, I had nothing, less than nothing, well, materially speaking. When I was married appearances were a big deal. And for all of our "things" that we thought we needed to look good to everyone else, and we thought made us happy didn't hold our marriage together when it EXPLODED! Oh, we looked happy to everyone else, the perfect couple, the perfect family, and maybe we thought we were, but there was no joy! It took me being in a situation totally bereft of anything except 2 precious children and family and friends surrounding me to help me heal to realize that fact. I have lived single now for almost 20 years. Most of those years I have struggled financially. I haven't had a real vacation in 14 years, but God gives me joy every day! I may not always recognize it, or, worse yet, appreciate it, but my new life has been filled with real joy, the kind you make from what's provided. I titled this post Make Your Own Joy, but maybe it should be Recognize the Joy Given to You. Start looking for your joy. It's there, I promise!

Don't Feed the Animals!

Last night my youngest daughter said something to me that I didn't really take as seriously as I should have. I am sure everyone knows by now what happened in my home state of Virginia on Saturday. I even wrote a post about it just a couple of days ago. I have to say I have become a little obsessed with reading all the articles, and interviews, and tweets about the event and the "president's" (lower case intended) response to the entire situation. Along with reading that news, I am also reading comment after comment from people about each article, etc. etc., the good and the bad. She looked at me and said, "I don't want you on your phone all of the time reading all this negative stuff." I put it away until I was by myself much later last night, and I began to look through Facebook again. Opening up each MUST READ. I came upon an HBO documentary about last Saturday's events, an inside look at what led up to, and all during the monstrosity from the perspective of the "Alt-Wrong" It was truly terrifying! Every word out of these people's mouths was hurtful and hateful and disgusting. They are so angry, and with the empowerment and approval of the "president" they are ready to "Take back their country" by FORCE. There are 2 words missing from that sentence, "if necessary." The reason they are missing is because they are planning on using force. They want to. They can't wait for the next time to see how they can top last Saturday. Killing one girl wasn't enough. In their leader's own words, they showed restraint Saturday. To me that means one death was not enough, they want more. They are blood thirsty animals, and they scare the shit out of me! I was more frightened by Saturday's events than I was after 9/11. I had a hard time going to sleep last night. My little girl was right. How can I function when every free moment I am reading about hate and evil and violence? Will Smith said, "Racism isn't getting worse. It's getting filmed." That's it! It has always been there, but now we literally have the ability to see everything that is going on everywhere every minute of the day, and we have become addicted to it, at least I have. The monkey on my back is Facebook. Facebook started out for me as a way to see friends and their kids and to connect about shows and to make up funny things to be my "status, " and scrolling through, I saw much of the same, but, like everything else, it has evolved, and I don't really like what it has become, but I can't let go. Not just about this issue, but I have seen friends attacked verbally, and, no, I am not exaggerating, for posting a video or quote that they believe in or find poignant, or thought-provoking, and people tear into them as if they had challenged them to a duel. I will guarantee those same people would not have the guts to blast with both barrels if they were having a conversation face-to-face, but hiding behind the phone or computer screen they are empowered. Well, I'm sick of it! ALL of it! Now, please don't take this as me putting my head in the sand and pretending none of this is happening. I'm not! I have other ways of finding things out, keeping abreast of current events. I do not need it in my face every waking moment. Can we go back to the days of "Film at 11?" I know it's out there, and I want to make it go away, but I will be honest, I don't want to put myself in harm's way, nor do I want my children to put themselves in harm's way. If that makes me a coward, well, paint me yellow. I am all about standing up for what is right and what I believe in, but these people aren't Westboro Baptist Church. They are armed and dangerous, and they want to fight! They also want attention as does their inspiration, DJT. You can't fight these people with love, not as an organized group at least. You fight all of this by not engaging, not paying attention. If no one is there to film their ridiculous behavior and their words of hate and disrespect, it takes the wind out of their sails. "If a tree falls in the forest..."
When all of this happened Saturday, and there was rumor that it would happen here as well, someone commented to let them show up to a literal Ghost Town, no businesses open, no one on the street, nothing, including NO MEDIA! To whom would they spew their hate then? It would be as if they had never been there. I like that idea, a lot! I just wish that we could all agree to do exactly that. I am, at least going to start by trying not to dwell on the negative. If you starve the animal, it cannot live! Don't feed the BEAST!